tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post3286349864306629578..comments2024-03-28T20:26:20.613-07:00Comments on Misadventures with Angry Alcoholics, Bullies and Narcissists: the smear campaign in abuse and bullying, why perpetrators slander and try to get others to deride you and hate youLisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-3313282910364171262022-04-09T09:04:05.881-07:002022-04-09T09:04:05.881-07:00The break in text above was not my intention - it ...The break in text above was not my intention - it is how the program displays it.Lisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-71529601291185637672022-04-09T09:01:07.519-07:002022-04-09T09:01:07.519-07:00There is actually a lot that you can do about the ...There is actually a lot that you can do about the bullying. I can't give personal advice, because the situation has to be fully assessed, and Domestic Violence centers in your area are best equipped to do this with you - so much depends on how old your brother is, how fast the bullying is escalating, all of the different kinds of abuses he is perpetrating and how long he has been perpetrating, how he is being enabled, how the people he is brainwashing are reacting to you, how old you are, all of the dangers being presented in this situation (and they can be more dangerous than a lot of victims can admit), how the parents are dealing with it, finding you the right kind of police, legal help (or if you are under-age, what CPS can do for you), finding you the right kind of financial help (if you need it) or if you are underage, finding you the right kind of adult help. Living in a situation like this is Hell. <br /><br />What I can say is the following:<br /><br />Usually bullying gets worse - it escalates: https://angry-alcoholics.blogspot.com/2022/01/escalation-of-abuse-with-discussions-on.html <br /><br />Because it gets worse and more egregious, it is usually really, really important to deal with it by calling your DV center (in private) or visiting with them (in private). Bring as much evidence as you can.<br /><br />As for confronting the bully without this kind of help, it is usually not suggested that you confront. But it's up to you to try once, but if he starts bullying in the conversation or shortly afterward, you have your answer. <br /><br />I have known very few situations where talking to them about how their bullying is effecting you works at stopping the bullying, unless this is a child, but even then, I would still get backing and help from your local DV center. Emotional abuse still counts as domestic violence. <br /><br />The consequences for your brother will also depend on whether he is under age 18 or over age 18. If he is over 18, keeping a record of offenses with police, a lawyer, or some other official may be suggested, so that they can act quickly if he breaks the law (many adult perpetrators break the law at one point or another - and they tend to test laws).<br /><br />I think I need to rewrite this post to make suggestions like what I'm saying here. And thank you for making it clear to me what I need to do. <br /><br />As for "He was spoiled by my parents; never disciplined for anything, and may not know he is doing wrong." - that's one of the typical ways that bullying starts to bud - and take off. https://angry-alcoholics.blogspot.com/2021/06/how-narcissistic-bullies-domestic.html<br /><br />Thanks for writing in.Lisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-38067595431839321482022-04-08T23:33:22.902-07:002022-04-08T23:33:22.902-07:00Lise, what is your advise on successfully survivin...Lise, what is your advise on successfully surviving/counteracting a smear campaign? I've read some of the links you posted regarding how to handle it, and they all seem to suggest there really isn't anything one can do except "gray rock" it (ignore it, ignore the perpetrator). Well, I have been practicing that for decades and that has not stopped my brother from smearing me. It has only escalated to even more ridiculous and harmful levels with time. Everywhere I read, the consensus seems to be that there is no point in confronting the perpetrator, the slander, the bullies; that doing so would only makes things worse for ourselves. Yet. Doing nothing and living my life as if it isn't going on, I find myself in more dangerous territory (he has riled MORE people against me as time goes on; has spread from smearing me to his friends, to extended family...and now my WORK! Trying to get me fired, trying to turn my other siblings against me). I'm tortured over what to do. My gut tells me this person will not stop until he experiences a CONSEQUENCE or a threat of a consequence. A severe one. To his image (as that seems to be the main thing he cherishes). I also sometimes run the fantasy of just writing him a letter about his behavior (sometimes I do wonder if he isn't conscious of why he treats me this way, or the extent of the behavior and I should at least bring it to his attention once in this lifetime). I've never confronted him. Never told him to cut it out. Afraid I'd only be mocked or he'd escalate others to deride me even more. Yet. A part of me also believes he doesn't realize the extent of what he does and needs to be educated. Or that I should at least try (once) to talk to him about it. He was spoiled by my parents; never disciplined for anything, and may not know he is doing wrong. All I know is that gray rocking hasn't worked for me. I am in a worse place in terms of his treatment and smearing. That is what the power of gray rock has done for me. It merely left him the impression that he could get away with doing more and more. But will calling him out on his behavior, or having a heart to heart (as much as that as possible) put me in an even WORSE position?<br /><br />My god, this feels like a war. A life long invasion. And I have never fought back. Should I? I am torn between continuing to gray rock him and speak through the legal system if it escalates any further..OR...writing him a letter and confronting him for the first time in my life. What I don't want is to put myself in a position where he can do further harm to me. Is it true that trying to communicate with them, asking the to stop, speaking up for oneself, always backfires? It's pretty bad, and I'm afraid of making it worse. But honestly, gray rocking has NOT done me any good.<br /><br />These people need consequences. Do you have any advise or experience on how to successfully handle a bully/smear campaign? You give excellent info on what it entails, what its like, their motivations, how it plays out in social groups/society. But HOW to stop this crap? It feels like no one knows how to solve it. <br /><br />By the way, your blog is the most comprehensive and thoughtful I have seen on these dynamics. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-49369737019292716342017-06-16T14:26:32.771-07:002017-06-16T14:26:32.771-07:00This is probably the most important post. As survi...This is probably the most important post. As survivors we have to understand this will happen some day. They run these experiments on everyone it seems. I always made sure I had friends that my narcissistic parents never knew about. They rejected my two sisters, and I felt like I might be the next one some day. Then it happened. I naively thought I would be spared because I barely say anything but the most bland uninteresting stuff, nothing that should cause a temper tantrum. But the thing is, there is no perfection you can attain with them no matter what you do. They are all that matters in their world, you are nothing and no good even when you turn yourself into a pretzel for them. Anyway, find friends, but keep them away from your narcissist parents! Cindynoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-57742463449472825732017-02-25T13:17:36.355-08:002017-02-25T13:17:36.355-08:00Wow! Thanks!Wow! Thanks!Lisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-58215641837795229892017-02-25T11:41:28.171-08:002017-02-25T11:41:28.171-08:00Many of these are such great posts that I am sugge...Many of these are such great posts that I am suggesting them to students. Some of the ones that don't get as much coverage are posts like erroneous blaming, perfectionism and projection, all done excellently. Your posts on the silent treatment are as thorough as they get. Good work. Dr. Simonnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-70762672108783080272017-02-07T14:15:28.635-08:002017-02-07T14:15:28.635-08:00It is grate that you are carrying all of these sub...It is grate that you are carrying all of these subjects. Learned especially from you. English not always good.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com