tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post4857425464706208151..comments2024-03-17T20:43:51.140-07:00Comments on Misadventures with Angry Alcoholics, Bullies and Narcissists: abusers, narcissists, alcoholics, sociopaths and word salad arguments Lisehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-34038875124545014972019-08-15T11:59:15.541-07:002019-08-15T11:59:15.541-07:00Wow, I'm so sorry you went through this! It is...Wow, I'm so sorry you went through this! It is why I write this blog - to help others prevent this from happening to them.<br /><br />Textbook: anything "whirlwind", telling you that you are their soul mate, telling you that they were victims in their past relationships - watch out (the high majority of real victims are hesitant to get into any kind of romance, especially a whirlwind one, and go to therapy for many, many years).<br /><br />The good thing is that people like your ex-wife are in a minority in the population. So, just based on a numbers game, you are likely to meet a much nicer person the next time around. <br /><br />Another tip-off: if they are hot and heavy and pushing you into a relationship, and you tell them that you want to take it very, very slow, they will get snippy and bored and want to go looking for narcissistic supply somewhere else. Going really, really slow is just one of many good strategies of keeping narcs and sociopaths away from you.<br /><br />BTW, if your ex wants to see you destroyed, usually that is an indication of some Antisocial Personality Disorder (Malignant Narcissists and to a lesser extent, Covert Narcissists) are the sadistic brands of narcissists. <br /><br />Religious narcissism: good point about needing a title! Lisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-61502839020498473802019-08-15T05:04:46.156-07:002019-08-15T05:04:46.156-07:00My ex-wife did exactly, EXACTLY what Helen did, an...My ex-wife did exactly, EXACTLY what Helen did, and I was Bob. When i say exactly, I mean exactly. And now in retrospect, I see that the other two times she was married, she told me very similar stories about how she was the "victim." Mine was dating Rick before me, and apparently used our whirlwind (She said we were soul mates after all and we did seem so perfect, which I now understand is the modis operandi) marriage to punish him. Its a sick twisted game to them, and theybreally dont care who they hurt. Now i realize my dad did this same thing to my mom, who he, with a little help with religion, really got to twist some minds, and destroy relationships with parental alienation syndrome. Religious narcissists need their own label, like malignant and covert. Thank you for all you have done to validate my experience and show me I'm not alone, because in the end, that's the narcissists favorite ending: you destroyed and then happy about it.<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-6643242182115040192017-08-30T08:55:31.107-07:002017-08-30T08:55:31.107-07:00This is one of the best posts I have ever seen on ...This is one of the best posts I have ever seen on this problem. Psychologists who are "abuse experts" spend a lot of time on topics like gaslightinng, verbal abuse, financial abuse, projection, but very seldomnly talk about this problem. And it is a very big part of the picture. When you are part of this family problem, you are always pressured to accept altered truths, hate your siblings, hate the parent who won't agree to it. I am an orphan now, but it is much easier then what I went through. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-41112741426751502742017-06-28T09:42:24.314-07:002017-06-28T09:42:24.314-07:00Thank you for your perspective.
Being on the outs...Thank you for your perspective.<br /><br />Being on the outside of the dysfunction puts many of us in much "healthier" perspectives and relationships, even when we are discarded by parents, or we decide to leave the system (matrix). If we can get beyond the trauma bonding, the PTSD and the self-sabotaging thoughts and actions, we keep fighting for a better life and outcomes, just like we did in our families (when we said "no" to the abuse, and all of the excuses/word salad of the abuses).<br /><br />I will be talking about how to recover and get strong, but I am trying to lay the groundwork of what we have to get over first, and word salad is just one of those weapons in the arsenal of our abusers that we have to heal from. <br /><br />The word salad post is part of recognizing this particular abuse "tactic" -- and you can tell how mild or severe it was in your own lives from the examples I left in the post.Lisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-5132767197856616292017-06-28T09:22:31.011-07:002017-06-28T09:22:31.011-07:00Correction: in paragraph 4 of my first reply it sh...Correction: in paragraph 4 of my first reply it should say:"But from what I have read, and even seen with my own eyes is that the bit of rebellion scapegoats have is what disables the toxicity of our families." In other words, "enables" should be replaced with "disables."Lisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-1188277075759151492017-06-26T19:44:52.012-07:002017-06-26T19:44:52.012-07:00Sounds like my family only worse. Everyone but me ...Sounds like my family only worse. Everyone but me and the youngest do this to each other. We learned how to keep invisible from watching our older siblings go to battle with each other and the crazy parent. We are no contact now and I can't see that changing. If it was just one member it would be better, but almost an entire family that acts like this plus with all of the physical abuse, no we are not going back. The two of us who escaped got college degrees. The rest are too busy fighting with each other to think of an education let alone a decent job.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-34007656787442555622017-06-26T08:55:39.594-07:002017-06-26T08:55:39.594-07:00So golden children can be very weak, will-less and...So golden children can be very weak, will-less and even zombie-like. Using word salad and blaming you, and shifting guilt on to you, is just another part of their weakness (too weak to look at the truth, to explore the truth, to tell the truth).<br /><br />"I'm just gonna bury my head as deeply in the sand as it will go to satisfy Mommy's cravings to alter the truth! Mommy will love me as long as I'm not truth-seeking and treat my sister like dirt." -- again, ew, yuck. <br /><br />Narcs and sociopaths absolutely know EVERYONE's weaknesses in a family (to exploit), including the golden child's. So the reward the golden gets is manipulation (disguised as favoritism). <br /><br />While favoritism is very blatant in its intention to hurt the non-robots of the family, it is the blatant-ness of it that actually helps us NOT be hurt by it. It's like watching someone fight dirty: the big ugly creepy guy with wadded up cotton stuffing for muscles, covered in body armor and spiked boxing gloves wants to get in the ring with his own small child who has no weapons, no armor and only in underwear -- ew, it's absolutely disgusting! And what is more, if society ever gets wind of it, they are repulsed too. <br /><br />I think it is the repulsion that drives us to find something better. <br /><br />As for whether your sister may have Anti Social Personality Disorder ... Did she start to show signs of it in childhood or adolescence? Sounds like adolescence? Many of them indulge in Conduct Disorder at a young age, or they have attitudes similar to children who have Conduct Disorder: not following societal rules, laws and norms of conduct. This includes aggressive behavior (bullying), destructive behavior (intentional destruction of property or stealing), deceitful behavior (lying, word salad deceptions, blame-shifting, etc), and violation of rules (laws and norms set up by society). Sociopaths can be and are generally very retaliatory against their own children -- that's the other sign.<br /><br />By the way, if you stay out of contact with your family, or ask family members not to be a conduit for information about you, and you happen to run into the sisters and mother a decade later, the evil parent will have a new scapegoat. They only keep you as a scapegoat if they know what you are doing, where you are located and how you are doing. They'll only use you as the example of what "not to be for Mommy" if they know things about you. No information = no examples = new scapegoat, guaranteed. <br /><br />If you want one of your sisters to wake up, that's how it happens usually.<br />Lisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-39594743044475205572017-06-26T08:52:45.355-07:002017-06-26T08:52:45.355-07:00You said on your blog: "She was so fixated on...You said on your blog: "She was so fixated on pleasing and being what my mother wanted her to be, she became an empty shell. This is the negative side of being a Golden Child. They become the narcissist's total mind slave ... She always obeyed my mother no matter what and never ever disagreed with her once that I can remember in 25 plus years."<br /><br />Yes, I agree that is what happens to a big majority of golden children. They are not actualized, fulfilled, and they don't have a sense of identity enough to do anything great in the world. They are molded to be puppets by coercion, gifts, threats, comparisons with their siblings and manipulation. Almost all of the chatter of sociopaths and narcissists has some form of manipulation behind it, so Goldens have to be willing to live with that, day in and day out. They are either not invested in their own lives, or they are naive and blind to manipulations, or they are scared, or they know they are being manipulated, but manipulate back by going along to get along until they feel they can break away; indeed they can be motivated by anything. But the thing we have to ask ourselves: why would anyone want to aspire to that?<br /><br />The goldens I know personally, I would not want to be them under any circumstances. There is nothing there that inspires me. "When I grow up, I want to be a puppet to an evil person!" or "I want to be a bully and a liar!" Gross! <br /><br />Scapegoats don't really have a choice in the matter anyway, and good thing we don't: we are devalued and discarded and even if there's a crack for us to slip to get into narc world again, or into the sociopath parent's gargoyled electrified door, it is too hard to live in a state where we are not appreciated, so we leave. But from what I have read, and even seen with my own eyes is that the bit of rebellion scapegoats have is what enables the toxicity of our families. For instance I got to know a woman who was in her late 50s and she is/was the rebel, discarded scapegoat in her family. She was kicked out upon turning 18; her 3 siblings stayed behind clinging to any little gift. She was the only one of her siblings who did not end up as a heroin addict. It's pretty clear to me that it is "the fight", "the whistle-blower" in scapegoats which enables them to live their dreams, while Goldens stay behind to conform and end up like Stepford children (after the movie "Stepford Wives").<br /><br />It sounds like your sister has become a robot child. Even if she is pleasing evil Mom, and getting attention and money, it's not the right kind of attention, not the right kind of reward. I, myself, want to be rewarded for who I am, what I do, my expertise, my ethics, my willingness to fight for what is right, NOT for what I do for evil people. I think most scapegoats have that attitude too, yes?<br /><br />continued ... <br /><br />Lisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06266942951190435796noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6255338109333635304.post-29328087758358460252017-06-25T13:11:46.724-07:002017-06-25T13:11:46.724-07:00Isn't there a sociopathic syntax? I noted it o...Isn't there a sociopathic syntax? I noted it on my sister's writings, and PMs especially upon my departure where I saw total word salad, inconsistencies and almost a break down in the communication where she made no sense. A psychiatrist actually diagnosed my sister as a sociopath or something along that way..."She doesn't have normal emotions like a human being" That's a guy who betrayed me not looking further into the family. She had tried to stab my brother with a serving fork, and my parents had taken her to him. I still remember the fork stuck in the kitchen wall to this day. It lasted only one appointment probably because they realized it would blow the lid off the family and all the abuse. This was kept secret from me by the way for over 3 decades until another relative mentioned it. Anyhow, her syntax seemed over-formalized. <br /><br />Example here"<br /><br />http://fivehundredpoundpeeps.blogspot.com/2014/11/sister-light-sister-dark.html<br />http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-QHp1H4NA36Q/VHD5YpkeReI/AAAAAAAADlQ/-xpMLPJlPT0/s1600/Jill8.JPG<br /><br />Do you see what I mean about syntax? My sister is not as smart as my mother and the social niceties are not faked as well. It's missing a layer.<br /><br />My mother does the letters and cards where there is the layer of social niceties at times, but then she will rip off that layer and the cuss-a-thons and threats begin.<br /><br />They will write things that literally make no sense, I have seen it with all of the main narcopaths in my family. <br /><br />There's two other pictures of my sister's word salad in that article. My NC was too late in coming. Before I left she really was giving me the willies, but then I felt afraid of both her and my mother and had good reason to be.Five Hundred Pound Peephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05862707335431442713noreply@blogger.com