Saturday, December 9, 2017

Interviews with someone diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder


I have been dealing with a number of issues, so I thought I would share some interviews that The Little Shaming Healing put up on You Tube that show some similarities and some differences with the NPD diagnosed man I interviewed.

These are worthwhile interviews to listen to if you want to understand NPD. It will give you some perspective on how a person diagnosed with NPD sees the world, his relationships and family.

The contrast between the man that The Little Shaman Healing interviewed and the one I interviewed is that the former was more of a target of abuse in his family of origin, whereas the latter largely played an observer role and is a golden child.

Both of them are in counseling (which is extremely rare -- in other words, don't expect someone who displays symptoms of NPD to go to counseling and become enlightened about anything). That they are both in counseling says something about their wanting to understand their condition, and why they are living with that condition. That is to be applauded. I think both men have some inkling that the rest of the population does not think the way they do, or act the way they do, though they think that anyone is capable of it if pushed too hard. In contrast, those who have NPD that never set foot in a psychologist's office, usually think that others conduct themselves in the world as they do (narcissists are known for projectionperspecticide and erroneous blaming which makes their understanding of anything beyond their own feelings and thoughts extremely compromised). In counseling, they both learned that NPD was developed as a defense mechanism against parental abuse (in particular, shaming).

As expected, the man in the following interviews grew up in a family where shaming of children was rampant. While there was no physical abuse, there was a lot of verbal abuse and emotional abuse. I suggest listening to the ones on his childhood first.

The four videos after the ones on his childhood are about how he conducts himself in his relationships. You can hear why he erroneously blames and abuses others (it is a pre-emptive strike so that he won't become abused himself). You can also hear that he does not care if he is accurate or not when he blames or abuses others. The pre-emptive retaliation is meant to control the other person from making, what he feels, the decision to strike against him. In other words, it is a show of power.

He decides that his impulses and his feelings about others are facts. In other words, he does not attempt to understand, or give the benefit of the doubt to others, or search for the truth. He assumes most people are out to hurt him, and that in order to keep from being hurt, he must abuse. When asked if it was fair to hurt others without proof that they were out to hurt him he said "Yes". While his answer is disturbing, it is also common for people diagnosed with NPD.

He also talked about his work life (that he doesn't like to work, preferring to delegate to others) -- also very common.

When asked if he could not tolerate the criticism of others, he said that he could not, that he felt it put him in his childhood state of feeling helpless, unloved and alone (this answer is to be expected, but most NPDs will not expose themselves to this extent, that they have a vulnerable frightened side since mostly they show the tough I-can-live-without-anyone side to the world most of the time). He said that he felt like a con artist, and that when people fell in love with his false self, he has trouble feeling good about it, that it causes problems and repercussions in his life.

The areas of the interview that are not expected is that he is quite aware of his true self (vulnerable, afraid, lonely) and his false self (grandiose, acting, pretending and abusive). He also revealed that he loved and cared about others, though he pretends not to in order to keep from being hurt. Most narcissists are deemed to be without any empathy, and many will admit to not having any empathy at all in interviews, but perhaps the narcissists who can no longer feel empathy are those who wear their false selves so continuously that they no longer recognize their true selves where their empathy might reside.

© The Little Shaman Healing interviews:

Interview With The Narcissist: CHILDHOOD CONFESSIONS (Part 1):

Interview With The Narcissist: CHILDHOOD CONFESSIONS (Part 2):

Interview With The Narcissist: CHILDHOOD CONFESSIONS (Part 3):

Interview With The Narcissist: CHILDHOOD CONFESSIONS (Part 4):

The next are about his adult years:

Interview With The Narcissist: RELATIONSHIP CONFESSIONS (Part 1):

Interview With The Narcissist: RELATIONSHIP CONFESSIONS (Part 2):

Interview With The Narcissist: RELATIONSHIP CONFESSIONS (Part 3):

Interview With The Narcissist: RELATIONSHIP CONFESSIONS (Part 4):

2 comments:

  1. I have a family full of NPDs, and this guy sounds relatively sane and thoughtful compared to them. I have never known any of them to self reflect about ANYTHING, ever! All they want to do is to argue, argue, argue, all day long, and insist that they are right about everything and that everyone else is wrong! Part of the arguing is telling others what to do! They can't live without that! They tell others not to argue or disagree with them when they are the culprits of arguing and disagreeing! I guess that is about them trying to control people, right? There is not much variation from this in their daily lives.
    The guy in these interviews seems to be able to get out of this realm of thinking, which begs the question: can he really have NPD? Isn't part of NPD not understanding or caring what you are doing to others?

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    Replies
    1. Hi Anonymous,
      Some NPDs are lighter on the narcissistic scale than others (i.e. not full-blown or full scale). The most common trait among all NPDs is entitlement and the pathological need to control others.
      The inability (or refusal) to self reflect has to do with shaming, in one way or another. NPDs live with a lot of self-shame. They also shame others a lot as an aggressive measure and to take the focus off of their own shame. And they grew up listening to, or being the recipient of, a lot of shaming.
      "Isn't part of NPD not understanding or caring what you are doing to others?" -- yes, but in varying degrees, and depending on how they are relating to shame in themselves, and how aggressively and impulsively they shame others. If they spend every moment of their waking lives blaming, blame-shifting, projecting and shaming others, there is no hope for self reflection.
      The ability of both people in a relationship to self reflect is an absolutely essential ingredient in having an emotionally healthy relationship.

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