Escalation of Abuse, With Discussions on Why It Happens, What to Do About It and How Dangerous It Is

 

Updated 1/27/22: newest updates include a section on ownership of guns, as well as one on threats. 

Note: this post is for information purposes only. It is not to be used to diagnose yourself or anyone else. If you need help, contact your local domestic abuse center or the domestic violence hotline. 

As usual, this post contains articles, resources, videos and a further reading section. 

So does abuse almost always escalate? Yes. Read on: 

Abuse Almost Always Escalates (Bad news: If you’re trapped in a cycle of abuse, it’s most likely going to only get worse) - by Amanda Kippert for DomesticShelters.org:

When you ask survivors what their last straw was during domestic violence, their answers will likely range from “the first time they threatened to hit me” to “the first time they put me in the hospital.”

Survivors can pinpoint that moment in time when abuse took a sudden escalation and for many that’s their cue to find a way to leave, and fast. Others may feel trapped, either by circumstances like finances or housing that make it seem impossible to leave, or by the hope that they can still change the abuser. Either way, escalation is often a glaringly red flag that indicates a survivor’s life is at risk.

The article describes both gradual escalation (from insults to pushing), or sudden escalation (physical assault or threats of physical assault). 

Here is another excerpt from the article as to why escalation of abuse is so dangerous:

Why It’s So Dangerous

When abuse escalates, an abuser is basically showing that they have a new way to exert power over a survivor. The abuser is becoming more emboldened. They are moving on to the next phase of their plan to trap a survivor.

Escalation is not caused by something a survivor did. A survivor did not make an abuser “more mad” by something the survivor did or said ...

According to "Aris" from the National Domestic Violence Hotline:

     The reason why escalation is so dangerous is because the abuser is showing their partner that they can use new and more damaging tactics to continue to hoard power and control in the relationship. An abuser may test out whether they can get away with crossing a line that has never been crossed before, with the intention of creating a new and deeper level of power and control when they fear they are losing it.

     Abusers typically escalate when they feel they are losing control over the relationship, often because they feel that the independence of their partner has increased in some way or that their partner will leave. The escalation may be intended as a warning or a demonstration of what could happen if their partner decides to become independent. This warning is not to be taken lightly—leaving an abusive relationship is a dangerous thing to do. In fact, 75% of all serious injuries in abusive relationships occur when the survivor ends the relationship. This does not mean that the survivor should stay if they want to leave, but it does mean that any plan to leave should be a good, solid safety plan that takes into account the unique barriers specific to each survivor’s situation.

However, staying in the relationship is dangerous too because it is escalating, so many domestic violence counselors prefer that their clients make a good safety plan (safety plans are available at most domestic violence centers and should be sought there). 

The article also goes on to say that emotional and psychological abuse can also turn into homicide or injury. I cover some of the red flags below as to how dangerous the situation is when it comes to purely emotional and psychological abuse.  

From the same article:

Is it my fault?

You deserve independence and individualism in your relationship. If your partner responds to your request for independence by escalating their abusive behavior, it is a clear sign that you are with someone that seeks to gain power and control over you, which is abusive and never okay. Healthy relationships nurture independence, and nobody feels threatened by their partner seeking friends, safety, happiness, individualism or anything that brings them joy. Abuse is a choice—nobody is forcing your partner to take away your independence. Therefore, the fault of abusing (and escalating abuse) can lie only with the person making that choice—the abusive partner.

Some abusers, instead of doing physical damage to you, will target your possessions or pets. Some of them may also use threats, false imprisonment, burglary, stalking, criminal trespass and other crimes. Threats of criminal intent also count as abuse.

PETS:

Why keeping pets safe is important. This is from the same website as the one above:

48% of respondents feared that the abusive partner would harm or kill the pets;
37% reported that the abusive partner had already threatened to harm or kill pets; and
29% said pets had already been harmed or killed.

My note: People with Antisocial Personality Disorder often harm, kill or torture animals. If they are not doing direct harm to animals, they will show disdain for animals (note: if you hear a person repeatedly tell you that they don't like animals or that they wish they were dead, it is a huge red flag for Antisocial Personality Disorder). 

The opposite of that would be empaths who make their pets often a lifelong part of the family, who are diligent caretakers of their pets, and who, these days, are often vegetarians.

POSSESSIONS:

According to an article entitled Domestic Violence and Destruction of Property by Christopher Martens for Martens Law Firm: 

Domestic violence is a very specific offense comprised of a number of actions against a certain individual ... This can be a past or present spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, partner, or cohabitant, the parent of your child, or someone you are closely related to through blood or marriage. Abuse is broadly defined to include physically hurting someone, sexually assaulting them, making them fear for their safety, or violent or destructive behavior such as stalking the person, disturbing their peace, or destroying their property.

In certain states in the United States, destroying someone else's property is also illegal, no matter what kind of blood relationship exists between two people.

Laws in the United Kingdom are more extensive and include threat to destroy someone else's property (another link). 

OTHER TYPES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AGAINST THE LAW:

This comes from LSNJ LAW (from New Jersey - check laws in your own state or country):

harassment: note this definition can change from state to state. In some states it can simply mean unwanted communication (you have asked a perpetrator not to call or text you, but he does it anyway). In some states the term is much more narrow and has to include insults or threats. 

assault: in some states it includes "intent to harm". In other states the "intent to harm" must include a weapon. In other states you actually have to be harmed.

terrorist threats

criminal mischief: breaking or tampering with your personal property. Using your property as a weapon. 

criminal restraint and false imprisonment: servitude against your will, keeping you in a place that is dangerous, locking you in a structure or room, restraining you from leaving when you want to leave

burglary: breaking into a building or car owned by you. "Intent" to break into your property is also considered to be a crime in some states (such as hiding out in another building or car with the intent to break in).

criminal sexual contact:  Someone who uses coercion or force to have sexual contact. Different states have different laws as to what "contact" means. In some states touching or fondling the inner thigh and breasts counts as criminal sexual contact.

sexual assault: laws on what constitutes sexual assault varies from state to state in terms of how far it goes out of the realm of penetration. 

kidnapping: taking someone out of their present location and bringing them to another location through force, threat or deception - again "threat" and "deception" is about "intent to kidnap" and may not count in some states.

stalking: follows you or has others follow you, harassment in a person-to-person way, threats, staring at someone a long time. Again different states have different definitions as to what constitutes stalking. 

lewdness: someone who exposes his private parts to a non-consenting individual. 

criminal trespass: defined as a person ignores restrictions such as signs, locked doors, fences, or a security guard and enters anyway ... (taken from their website)

homicide: one person takes another person's life. 

criminal coercion: defined as Criminal coercion means that someone tries to make you do something or tries to stop you from doing something by threatening you ...  (again: taken from their website) Laws differ from state to state. Some states have no coercive control laws, some states are considering coercive control laws, and some states have coercive control laws that encompass a lot of different kinds of threatening acts and sentences. 

robbery: defined as someone steals something from you while at the same time hurting you, threatening to hurt you, using force, or committing or threatening to commit certain other crimes ... (again: taken from their website)

contempt of a domestic violence restraining order: Restraining orders are available in most states for some or all of the crimes above. Violations usually carry an additional crime added to the record of the offender.

cyber-harassment: defined as ... when someone threatens online to harm you or your property or someone else or their property. In most states it also includes selling or posting lewd, sexual or naked videos or pictures of you. 

Any other crime involving risk of death or serious bodily injury: can include neglect of a child or elderly person, destruction of your pets or your farm animals, destruction of your land, putting your life at risk (coercing you to perform dangerous duties that put your life at risk) and other crimes. Again, laws are different from state to state.  

My note: emotional, psychological and verbal abuse count as unlawful in some countries. In the United States, some laws are being considered, especially in child abuse and partner abuse. It is also likely that most states in the United States will have coercive control laws (some states already have them). However, verbal and emotional abuse are considered domestic violence by domestic violence shelters and domestic violence centers, so you can gain admittance to these kinds of services in most states if you are experiencing these forms of abuse. 

Also if children are being verbally and emotionally abused, in some counties in the USA, mandatory counseling of parents is starting to be a trend, or children are removed from the home by social services. Children who are receiving this form of abuse often display learning disabilities (their grades take a deep dive and they are often upset and distracted in the classroom).  

All of the above crimes (plus emotional, psychological and verbal abuse) create trauma symptoms the longer they are endured. I will be covering trauma symptoms in another post, but one of the first signs is feeling hopeless, distracted, depressed and having sleeping issues (can be nightmares, restlessness or inability to get a full night's sleep). 

RED FLAGS THAT THE ESCALATION OF ABUSE
WILL CONTINUE TO GET WORSE

initiating insults in a close personal relationship is often the first red flag. A person who insults you more than once or twice is showing he has disdain for you. If he also shows that he does not care how you feel after insulting you, it is pretty much a given that the abuse will escalate. The number of insults will also show you how fast it is escalating. If he tells you that you deserve to be insulted (and has no remorse): extremely dangerous sign!
     However, if you are the one who is initiating insults, and you are getting insults back, it may be their way of defending the insults with another insult (as in a volley of back-and-forth).

gaslighting and calling you crazy after an abusive episode is also a huge red flag and can eventually put you in a dangerous or life-threatening situation. The reason why gaslighting is such a huge red flag for escalation is that the perpetrator is trying to minimize the abuse, trying to convince you that you are crazy for feeling hurt after abusive incidences, trying to convince you that the severity of the abuse is "all in your head", trying to convince you that you should be blaming yourself and not the abuser, trying to convince you that your perceptions of events are always wrong. Warning: gaslighting can sometimes work the way gaslighters want it to work because most abusers use it gradually, seeing how much they can get away with each time they escalate this form of attack.
     It is a form of brainwashing. 
     Punishing you for criticizing them for being hurtful, unempathetic, or cruel will usually result in them raging (a lot of abusers rage when they feel criticized, which can also result in more abuse by them). One of the ways they try to gaslight you is to try to convince you that you deserve to be criticized, scolded over insignificant events or behaviors, insulted, and told you are crazy over and over, while they will try to make the case that they never deserve to be criticized, ever. I will be talking about hypersensitivity to criticism in abusers in another post.
     Playing with your perceptions and trying to convince you and others that you are insane is largely a trait of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder. These personalities are extremely resistant to change, and an overwhelming number of them are abusive, so always expect the escalation of abuse when gaslighting is part of the picture. 

perspecticide and invalidation of your feelings, thoughts and experiences: This is also a type of gaslighting in that your abuser is trying to convince you that you are not feeling the way you say you are feeling, that your thoughts are not what you really think, and that your experiences didn't happen the way you said that they happened. It is about calling you a liar in other words.
     But it can also mean that your abuser states what you are feeling, thinking and experiencing before you state it yourself, or without getting your feedback as to what is the truth. In other words, your abuser is showing you that he doesn't care what the truth is. He only cares about his own opinions and agendas where it concerns you.
     Blocking the truth of someone's reality is a bad sign in terms of them understanding or caring about what you are going through. It is a big contributor to why they do not feel empathy. 
     It is also a sign of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder. While normal folks sometimes use it (very sparingly, if at all), they are open to hearing the other person out, especially if this is their child or partner. With the disorders, you will notice that you aren't heard, nor do they want any part of hearing you out. They very often give you the silent treatment or stonewall you as a way to tell you that they want no part of hearing what you have to say (and the silent treatment and stonewalling is often a huge sign of the two personality disorders too).
     And if they do hear you out, they will be arguing about what you really felt, or thought or what you went through. 
     You can see why abuse would escalate with perspecticide as part of their agenda. It's just one more avenue for invalidating the abuse you experience from others or them. 

erroneous blaming: Erroneous blaming is about blaming someone for a perfectly normal activity such as:
    To a child: "You hurt me by going to college."
    To a wife: "You hurt me when you got a job. Your job is to take care of me and the household."
    To a husband: "You hurt me when you went against me punishing your child. Perhaps this calls for a divorce."
    To a child who has been hit by a parent: "How dare you cry! You are hurting me by making me feel like a terrible parent!"
     To a girlfriend or wife: "I know you were glancing at him! Just for that you are going to get punished, and punished good when we get home!" - it's also a sign of perspecticide. 

     To a child: "You deserve to be punished, and punished severely, for that look on your face!" - also perspecticide.
     To a wife, sibling or child: "Why did you think the bread belonged in the refrigerator!? Are you STUPID? It ALWAYS goes in the breadbox!" and then the insults and rages come out for the "mistake" you made at putting the bread anywhere he did not want you to put the bread. Note: these kinds of demands and arguments will escalate, and can even become a daily or hour-to-hour event. 
     A lot of abusers abandon their victims when erroneous blaming "perfection standards" are not met with the utmost concern by their victims. While many abusers want to neglect relationships with children and partners who do not live up to what is expected, some use it as a way to scare their victims into submission instead (i.e. physically abusive or physically threatening) to make their victims comply with their demands at all times.
     A lot of abusers nitpick at you about how you are not managing your choices about your own life. And then when you aren't managing your affairs in the exacting standards that they see fit, they abuse you.
     When a relationship has gotten to the point of erroneous blaming over little things, the escalation has reached a tipping point where danger can happen fast. It is not unusual, also, for abusers to punish over erroneous expectations. They will see their own abuses as excusable, and at the same time your perfectly normal "mistakes" are inexcusable. The escalation of this would be: they see that the abuse is justified because you made a "mistake". You did not live up to their perfection standards (and therefor, in their minds, deserved the abuse/punishment). 
     They also use erroneous blaming to see what they can get away with, and how far a victim will go to please them. 

     Erroneous blaming is also often used by your abuser as an excuse to become more entitled, more abusive, and more powerful and controlling, if not totally dominating. 
     I think anyone can see why abuse would escalate with erroneous blaming in the picture, and why finding fault in you in a myriad of small ways and possibilities would incite escalation (especially since they excuse the abuse they do through blame shifting, gaslighting, normalizing and other tactics).

    Again, these are definitely signs of the two personality disorders I have mentioned before, and since it is extremely rare for them to change, they won't be changing addictive tactics like erroneous blaming with an aftermath of abusive "punishments" or prolonged rages. 

blame-shifting and playing the victim: These are strategies that abusers use to avoid accountability of any kind. They use them with impunity and are also traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder.
     They are linked to gaslighting, of trying to change perspectives so that you look like the abuser and they look like the victim. 
     Every and any excuse will do to get themselves off the hook of accountability, and any lie will do to protect themselves from the fall-out of hurting other people. 
     They will insist that you see yourself as "the flawed at-fault one" and themselves as "the perfect never-at-fault one" and that you brought on the abuse all by yourself, and ruined the relationship as well. Most abusers don't change and they certainly won't change this stance no matter how many years go by. 

     When they refuse to accept any accountability, it means they have anaesthetized themselves of the shame of being a perpetrator of abuse and therefor have excused themselves from hurting and/or damaging other people many, many times.
     The abuse of others can be verbally, emotionally, psychologically, physically, financially or via self esteem.
     Some abusers get to the point of abandoning you, and then if they see you again they will reprimand  you: "Why did you let me abandon you?" as if you are the one ultimately responsible for their abandonments - it's just another "dirty tricks blame-shifting game" as well as a "playing the victim" tactic, and crazy-making for you. It's to get you to sympathize with them, rather than to consider the dire straights they left you in at the time of their abandonment. 
     When abusers excuse themselves so readily with these two tactics, you can see why abuse would escalate. They'll just excuse the next egregious act. And the next one. And the next one after that. 
     In many abusers' minds, any and all abuses they perpetrate deserve excuses.

entitlement: This means they feel they deserve more than other people deserve. In abuse this often translates to:
     "I demand and deserve the utmost loyalty from you, but I don't have to give my loyalty to you."
     "I demand that you never criticize me again, but I can criticize you as much as I want to, and do it constantly."

     "I demand and deserve that you talk to me when I want you to, and I deserve to be able to walk away when conversations aren't serving my purpose, but how dare you walk away from talking to me! In fact, you are flawed and can't work out problems through discussion!" - also a type of gaslighting and blame-shifting.

     "I demand that you disclose everything I want you to disclose, including the most sensitive details of your life, but how dare you think you can get the same kind of disclosure from me!"
     "I will call you selfish when you forget to put gas in the car, but I'm not selfish when I take every stick of furniture out of the house that you paid for when we are getting divorced."
     "I deserve to be treated with the utmost politeness and respect at all times, while I get to call you names, call you crazy and stupid with impunity, abuse you, and treat you like you and your feelings don't matter most of the time."

     A sense of entitlement means they think they are special and you are not. They believe you are so "un-special" in fact, that if they abuse you, they won't feel sorry.  You can see why abuse escalates under these unfair standards.

infantilization and parentification and putting people in roles (with unchanged opinions):
     Infantilization means that the abuser takes on the role of parent or teacher when you are a full adult. It is inappropriate in these ways: they lecture you constantly, tell you what to do and how to behave, what to say to others, what to do with your money, what to do in your relationships, how to manage your career, and how to manage your life. Sometimes they will micro-manage how you drive, how you cook, how you house-keep, what you say to whom. 

     It is very common for abusers to infantilize. A perfect demonstration of what it looks like can be found in the movie, "Sleeping With the Enemy" where the victim has to keep towels and cans of food in perfect precision.
     On the other hand, parentification is just the opposite, but it is also common for abusers.
     "Parentification of a minor" is often used to describe how an alcoholic parent relates to a child. They are too inebriated to parent their children, so the parent expects his or her child to play the role of parent or handmaid: make his or her parents mixed drinks, open beer cans, serve them hors d'oeuvres and chips during "Happy Hour", make dinner every night, be the one to keep the grocery list up to date, clean the entire house, make their parent's bed, change their siblings dirty diapers, heat milk for the baby, make appointments with car mechanics, electricians, carpenters, get their parent out of bed and dressed in the morning for appointments, dress their parent, calm their parent during an alcoholic rage, do damage control when there is family strife. When things are not running smoothly then this child is seen to be at fault for the state of the family. 
     However, parentification can happen in abusive partner relationships too where one partner is given a predominance of responsibility for emotionally soothing the other partner, for being the sole breadwinner, for managing all of the affairs of the household, for doing most of the shopping and housework, for raising the children, for being the one who is loyal and steady, for being the one to take all of the "fault" when they argue, and so on. If things go wrong, then it is claimed that this overly-responsible partner is at fault.
     Whether the abuser is infantilizing or parentifying, you can see why abuse might escalate. Most abusers love to put people in roles where they, the abuser, is pulling the puppet strings, telling others what to do. If the person goes out of role, the abuser rages. Raging can lead to abuse and violence. 
     Children of abusive narcissistic or antisocial personality disordered parents are put in roles very early in their lives, often when they are babies or toddlers, and pre-verbal. In family photographs you can even see it: the golden child is often in the lap or hugged by the parent, while the scapegoat child is sidelined and often by himself or herself, even if in the same photograph with the parent, and where there are few-to-no photographs of affection between parent and child (during childhood). The scapegoat is used for derision, ignoring, blame and abuse while the golden child is lavished with attention, gifts and affection. The roles usually do not change over the lifetime of the children unless the golden child disappoints (the parent switches the roles temporarily until the golden can re-assume the pleasing behaviors and the role). 

     The parent excuses their lack of affection and attention for the scapegoat child by claiming that this child is crazy (extremely common - gaslighting is used as an excuse for not parenting or caring about the child). It is common for a parent to initiate an estrangement between himself (or herself) from the scapegoat child during the child's adult years, however to outsiders the parent will try to make the case that the child initiated the estrangement instead. After years of estrangement, grief and pain, some adult children prefer to continue the estrangement to reinstating the relationship (because it is an incredibly toxic trauma bond with no hope that the abuse will stop, and if anything, they are told by mental health professionals that it will increase - many also have no hope of the relationship becoming a healthy loving bond with truth and trust behind it). Scapegoat children are often left out of wills and trusts.
     It means opinions about children are fixed and unchanged in the abuser forever. 
     When an abuser wants to put people into roles this much, you can see why abuse would escalate to unbearable proportions when someone wants to go out of role, or when they are deemed not to be enough of a puppet to make the abuser happy.
     However, a scapegoat, a forever-target of the abuser, will never make an abuser happy, ever, even if the scapegoat works hard to please, to take abuse, to take being blamed even when they are not at fault. The role requires martyrdom, and it isn't something most people can withstand for any extended period.     
     An abuser wouldn't last a day in the role themselves, so it is hypocritical to expect it of anyone else, let alone a child.

     
rage off the charts (includes quiet rage): Some abusers overtly rage all of the time, at almost anything. It shows entitlement and that they can't deal with what life hands out like the rest of us, without becoming overwrought. Rage-a-holics often get their way because they won't stop raging until they get their way. People often respond to raging the way they would a baby who is screaming. 
     Then some of them rage when they perceive that they are criticized. They rage because their grandiose, have-to-be-in-the-dominant-all-powerful-position-all-of-the-time is being challenged. Almost all abusers who are sensitive to criticism are very critical of others, and some spend their whole lives being critical with cruel remarks, especially if they are triangulating other people a lot (they try to get other people suspicious of each other, especially people who they find to be a threat to their grandiose ego - it is a divide-and-conquer strategy mostly used by people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder) - the link to triangulation above explains it. 
     In both these personality types, rage is used to get what they want, and it is the reason why both types rage over erroneous or relatively small issues, to see if you are going to bend to their will over small issues, or any issue. If you do bend, then they exploit this information and use you for more of their power-and-control fantasies.
     The rage either manifests as shouting, threats and insults or passive aggressive threats: "I'll never talk to you again because you did the unthinkable thing: criticized me!" If you tell either type that you are hurt by their behavior, and lack of respect for you and the relationship, or that they are being hypocritical or unreasonable, they look at it as another criticism and double down on their mode of punishment. 
     It is the abuser's temper tantrum and it looks that way to most people too.
     Most of the time rage turns into abuse. Abuse is almost always a power-and-control move (whereas for normal folks who express anger it's mostly about an injustice - and no, most people who get angry over injustices do not abuse others; they just want their voices heard). To make the differences clear, notice they excuse themselves if they criticize and hurt you, but you are never excused by them if you inadvertently hurt them by a mere "perceived" criticism or injury to their ego. 
     All of this is definitely another sign of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Antisocial Personality Disorder.  
     In other words, rage and abuse are the tools they use to gain more dominance over you. Sometimes it works the way they want it to, other times it doesn't (people usually get weary of the constant displays of rage and abuse, and the disordered person's ever-increasing demands for more power, control and domination - if you want to be a slave to them, you put up with it and if you don't, you excuse yourself from these manipulative games). 
     There is one caveat here: if you are their scapegoat, the one who they use for continual unfounded blame, rage and abuse, they won't accept it when you try to meet their demand, or if you offer an apology. They often tell you that the apology is not good enough. It is so they can keep using you (and it also has to do with the role they put you in: you are deemed by them to be 100 percent bad, and all-bad people do not apologize in good enough ways). 
     You can see that rage (especially over a power-and-control addiction - an addiction which is never satisfied) will lead to ever more egregious acts of abuse and domination to the point where you lose yourself to become the narcissist's or sociopath's puppet. This is extremely unhealthy and potentially deadly for children. For partners who have the choice to leave, it is still unhealthy, just remember not to get into a cycle where you are as addicted to pleasing them as much as they are addicted to hurting you to get pleased. 

     I discuss leaving below.
     At any rate, the appearance of rage, and the level of punishments that follow should let you know how far they will go in being injurious (dangerous). If the punishment is severe, long, unforgiving and over something relatively small in the scheme of things, and they follow up with smear campaigns on your character, they are potentially a lot more dangerous than the abuser who shows up at your door in two weeks after exploding and appears to want to do everything they can to make it up to you, but WARNING: it can still be dangerous: some of them soft peddle a honeymoon period to soften you up enough to enact a life threatening attack (it's a lure to attack in other words).
     Even if they appear to be truly contrite (the ones who show up at your door and do not attack you after "winning you back"), they usually cycle back around to abusing you again, with each attack getting worse and more hurtful and destructive. 

     It is why once they start abusing you, they never stop, and it is very important to realize this. It is a habit in them, often a reaction to not feeling they have enough power and control over you. It can be impulsive: they feel a trigger of shame, or they feel insecure about their power for a split second, so they rage and abuse. Or it can be planned: they need to make you feel that you deserve to be abused, so they gaslight you and play head games with your self esteem (gaslighting and trying to manipulate you so that you feel you don't deserve to be treated well, or listened to, is a planned attack ... once you see gaslighting on a regular basis, which is a planned attack, tread carefully).   

     Planned attacks eventually become part of the escalation process for narcissists, and are definitely part of the picture for sociopaths. The escalation of planned attacks happen especially if they get the sense that you are not as brainwashed by them as you used to be, or if they feel you are too influenced by someone else, or are backing off even minutely, or trying to heal from what they did to you, or that you are not convinced about what they are saying (especially if they say they are sorry, but continue to abuse).
     When you are dealing with planned attacks, this means that they are certainly capable of injuring you or killing you. Even unplanned attacks can become deadly because they are often not in control of how they use their strength when they rage (outward rage tends to tighten the muscles). But planned attacks are always dangerous, even if they are escalating them slowly.
     Planned attacks are usually done without outward emotion (but have aspects of internal rage), whereas unplanned attacks usually have a lot of emotional outbursts and you can see the rage right away.             

power and control agendas, and jealousy:  Power and control is the "be-all-and-end-all" strategy for most abusers (not all of them, but certainly a very high percentage of them). That is why, if you are discarded by them, they make it clear you are not important to them. Relationships are not important to most abusers unless the relationship is about fulfilling their needs for power, control and domination.
     The abuse will tend to escalate because the abuser never feels fulfilled with the power, domination and control they already have. They want more and more, and for their demands to be met by the target. I talk about how the power-and-control agenda is connected to rage and abuse in the section above.
     As for jealousy, most abusers feel jealous, really jealous, jealous to the point where they are very uncomfortable, so uncomfortable that they believe they have to take some action to relieve it.
     A boyfriend might be jealous of their girlfriend's beauty and her ability to attract the attention of other men because of her beauty, so they try to isolate her, and often pro-actively abuse her so that she never thinks of leaving (see my Gabby Petito post about how this dynamic can play out).
     A mother might be jealous of her daughter's beauty, talent or intelligence, so she might proactively abuse her by crushing the daughter's self esteem, or trying to lead her astray so that the daughter won't seek success, and if that doesn't work, trying to tell others that the daughter is only successful because of the mother's doting. Either is a red flag that the daughter will be, has been, or is, abused. Note: normal parents don't act like this.
     A father might be jealous of his son's success and ability to make more money than the father. In order not to feel ashamed and jealous, the father sneers or displays chiding targeted jokes about his son to a big crowd to make the son "look less than" the "picture of greatness in the world of success". If the son falls on hard times, the father can make the son look like a much worse business failure by withdrawing support, attention, sympathy and empathy so that he never outshines the father again. If the son becomes financially beholden to the narcissistic father because the father bailed him out, the father can try to keep him in an "infantilized position" by only giving an amount which will bind son and father together financially, so that the father can control the shots (have power over the son), and blackmail the son into giving him, the father, more domination, power and control. Note: normal parents don't act like this either.

     A friend is more successful in her marriage than the narcissist is. In order to "one up" her, and crush her self esteem, the narcissist tries to see if the friend's husband can be seduced away from her, to see if the husband is as loyal and good to her as the friend says he is. If the husband can be seduced away, the narcissist tells the friend that her husband was seduced. The narcissist feels better because now she and her friend are on the same level in terms of misery in their relationships, and the narcissist is above the friend because she has "the power to seduce" a relationship away from her friend. It's typical narcissistic behavior, though not all narcissists cheat. But they all triangulate people against one another, and if the husband doesn't want to cheat, the narcissist will try to be his confidante about how the relationship is going instead. Note: a normal friend does not act like this.
     The reason why jealousy plays a huge part in the escalation of abuse and why it is a sign that abuse will escalate, is that the narcissist feels better when they can enact these kinds of events. Narcissists feel better about their own state of affairs when they can penetrate the weaknesses in other people's marriages, in other people's successes, in other people's self esteem, in other people's financial autonomy, in their daughter's good relationship with her children or husband, and so on. They will keep poking and prodding these weaknesses in "escalation-style" to the point of seriously hurting other people, dividing them up so that the narcissist is the center of their world, and leaving a trail of destruction behind. The narcissist may run away from their dirty deeds when they get uncomfortable and start rumors with other sources of narcissistic supply about how their victims brought their own downfall on themselves, even though the narcissist had a huge hand in aggressively pursuing the destruction.

becoming calm after abusing or attacking you (showing no empathy): This is a bad sign. Without empathy, there is little hope for change in them. If you are upset, and they become calm, it is usually a sign of a personality disorder (most often Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Antisocial Personality Disorder, especially if they meet the criteria of everything else on this list). If they have no regrets after hurting you, or say that you deserved it, then it points to more Antisocial Personality Disorder traits. You can see why a lack of empathy would mean they would escalate abuse. "Empathy" is normal, and "shame" is normal once we step over the bounds of hurting another person, and once we know we hurt another person. It is like an internal break in most of us which keeps us from going too far.
     Warning: don't get caught up in narcissists playing the victim after attacking you. This is a sign they want empathy to go one way, towards them.    

at some point in the relationship, they enlist you in order to "make" someone else jealous: Another bad sign, especially if they meet the criteria of everything else on this list (generally just one of the signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder).     

normalizing abuse: They wouldn't be able to escalate abuse unless they can talk other people into abuse being "perfectly normal", or at the very least excusable because they had a hard day, or because they are so sensitive, or because they worked so hard at the relationship.
     Some may say: "Punishing children is normal" - not when it is abusive, and not after children reach adulthood.
     Normalizing abuse is a brainwashing technique to get you to side with them if they abuse other people, and if they abuse you too. They want to hear how it is all other people's fault they were abused (blaming the victim). They also want you to be self effacing enough to believe it was all your fault when they abused you too. 
     It's just another sign that they will escalate abuse, and escalate it without thought, because people are so agreeable to abuse being as normal as eating apple pie. 

     It isn't normal, of course, but when any number of people are putting up with it, it can seem normal, whereas your rebellion in saying "it isn't normal" may be met with derision and corrected by the group. They are putting up with abuse, so why can't you???
     The reason why escalation of abuse happens so seamlessly and effortlessly may be because normalizing may be part of the picture with their group or family.
     WARNING: When normalizing is present, you may be expected to apologize to your abuser. This can escalate abuse faster and be quite a bit more deadly. It is a get-out-now situation. I talk about this in the chapter below:

EXTREMELY DANGEROUS RED FLAGS

Sadism: Sadism means the abuser likes abusing. This is basically a "get-out-as-soon-as-you-can" sign for a victim. 
     Some of the signs:

     The abuser boasts about tricking someone out of their money.
     The abuser boasts about hurting another person and how they, the abuser, got a free pass by playing the victim.
     The abuser boasts that he committed a crime without being caught.

     The abuser boasts that he got an entire inheritance by pretending he was a victim of a sibling. 
     The abuser boasts that he stole, or tricked someone, and got away with it. 
     The abuser tells someone else he will get everything he wants and that someone else won't get what they want.
     The abuser tells someone he got rid of someone else's cat without telling them where the cat went.
     The abuser spends a lot of time trying to make you feel uncomfortable or scared.
     The abuser spends most of his time in private conversation insulting others, sneering at others, putting people down with an arrogant air.  
     The abuser tells his adult child that he, the abusive parent, is having a wonderful Christmas (even though the adult child was not invited) and laughing about how hurt the adult child was at hearing this.

     In other words "getting" and "making someone uncomfortable" is the main conversation. There is no "We agreed that since my wife is good at playing the piano, she should get the piano, and that I was good at woodworking, so we both agreed I should get the tools." There is no "My child and I weren't getting along, so we decided to go to therapy together. The relationship means a lot to both of us, and we were both suffering." In other words, there is very little conversation about sharing and coming to an agreement, and if there is a miniscule amount of it, it is usually for effect only, to impress someone else outside the relationship.
     Sadistic people tend to be two-faced. They are incredibly charming and overly sweet to a person when face-to-face with them, and then behind their backs verbalize them in cruel ways: "He's a dork, a loser, a mamby-pamby man." 
     People with obvious sadism characteristics tend to be either malignant narcissists, sociopaths or psychopaths.
     They are going to escalate abuse for the love of making people uncomfortable, unhappy, sad, left out of events, traumatized, and so on. The more traumatized people are, the more they like it. 
     When sadists are escalating abuse, it is very, very dangerous. 
     It is best to get out of it, but get out of it with help from professionals like domestic violence counselors, police and possibly a lawyer too. 

Physical abuse: Physical abuse is a very bad sign that the escalation has reached a dangerous point. Pushing and shoving can escalate very fast to a life threatening situation. Do not expect physical abusers to change or for your abuser to be sorry for how they treated you. If they do act sorry, usually it means they will be doing it again. In the cases where they are sorry, the overwhelming tendency is for it to be a cycle: honeymoon, tensions building, explosion, making up, back to honeymoon, back to tensions building, and so on. 
     Physical abuse always tends to escalate to more egregious forms of it.

An abuser has abused you physically before or assaulted you in the head, the neck (strangulation or mock strangulation), struck your face, or pulled you by your ear or hair or threatened to injure you or kill you:
     These are a huge danger sign, perhaps the biggest danger sign of all of them. A lot of child murders and partner murders are perpetrated by abusers who attack this part of their victim's body. If you have been attacked anywhere on the head, face or neck, get out as soon as you can, but get out carefully and smartly (usually domestic violence services can help you devise a plan of escape - see section below). 

     See my post on the Gabby Petito case on how an abuser who initiated an assault to his partner's face, ended up killing her (more common than most people realize).         
      

You are expected to apologize to, or make up with, your abuser, or someone you have complained abused you (especially if there is social pressure to make you apologize):
     Another really, really bad sign. It's another "get-out-as-soon-as-you-can" situation.
     Abusers like to see victims apologizing to other abusers because it translates for them into "If they are apologizing to this abuser, then it is likely they will apologize to me too when I abuse them. It's a great way to see how much abuse I can get away with." 
     A lot of victims are ostracized from their families (even an entire family) if they refuse to have a relationship with a family abuser, and this abuser is probably inside a family with other abusers in it, or where abuse has been normalized to a large extent. The abuser is being coddled and excused for hurtful behavior. Abuse tends to be multi-generational, so usually where you find one abuser in the family, you find others.
     Prepare yourself for being abandoned and "sacrificed" in situations like this by preparing for an autonomous life without them. This kind of situation won't get better and can escalate very fast. It is very dangerous because the abuser you are complaining about has a free pass from his family or group to abuse you some more without second guessing themselves as to the "rightness" of putting pressure on you to apologize. There are also no repercussions for the abuser, no eyes on the situation, no one is caring what happens to you. The path they have chosen is for you to apologize to someone who has hurt you and/or put you in danger.
     It is a total no-win situation.     

The abuser insists that you meet him alone to discuss your relationship issues, but only in a place of his choosing, (again, it is not about an agreement between you) or The abuser is trying to lure you to a place where you will be alone and vulnerable to more abuse:
     Again, this is a really, really bad sign. People who are uncompromising about where to meet are insisting they get their way. Who insists on getting their own way most of the time and are un-bending about it? Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths. There is no reason why they should be pressuring you to meet them in only one place, so consider that "the place" is dangerous for you, but will serve them. 

     When they have shown they are abusive, or have abused you, and want to make sure you meet them alone in a place of their choosing only, it always means they want to abuse you or blame you some more. This is not in the least bit trustworthy on any level.

     They may try to lure you instead: "Don't you want some help with that project?", "Don't you want to work out our differences?", "Wouldn't you like that violin you always dreamed about?", "I'd like to give you some flowers, money, a vacation" (what ever it is) "if you only meet me at -" after they have abused you or abandoned you - dangerous. 

     In fact, it is never advisable to meet with any abuser alone. But it is especially inadvisable to meet with an abuser who is stubborn (and repeats that it has to be a certain place). Quite creepy too.

The abuser tries to lure you into a situation where there are co-abusers present or You are a scapegoat and are bullied by a gang: This is even more dangerous than the situation above. Not only is the abuser trying to lure you into a place that is dangerous for you, but when they have co-bullies, the dangers intensify. There will be someone in the group who will enact the most egregious abuse they can think of, even injuring you, to see if the group approves or might approve. It sounds wild that they would look for group approval for perpetrating injuries and murder, but it happens. 
     This is not anything to mess with. It is better to be alive, than be a member of a group like this. It is beyond unsafe.   

    

An abuser has used, or is making real or veiled threats of criminal acts such as false imprisonment or kidnapping: 
     Sociopaths usually voice their fantasies well in advance of their threats and abuses. If they have fantasies or they are writing a novel, a short story, or drawing pictures about how someone resembling you is being strangled, held against their will, or is kidnapped and put in a dark dungeon, they are telling you what they want to do. It is to be taken seriously and literally, in other words: they are not just saying it to scare you. 

     They are especially to be taken seriously if they have sociopathic traits: sadism, are hyper-critical of others, enjoy hurting other people or animals they do not like, have no regret for hurting others, they rage over perceived criticisms, they display arrogance, they try to make people feel uncomfortable by bringing up topics that will trigger the other person into a negative response (crying, anger, shocked, terrorized, traumatized). 
      Making threats of criminal acts is dangerous and should not be "brushed off". Very few people make threats or make up fantasies about breaking the law to hurt another person. While it may be used to scare you, often it is not: they are trying to tell you that they want to hurt you, and how they want to hurt you. When criminal acts are added to a dialogue about what they want to do to you, it is best to assume it is real. 
     It is also dangerous.
     If you happen to be in this person's presence again, abuse is likely to escalate, but they may try to lure you somewhere before doing anything to you. 
     Many sociopaths like to stalk and harass. They have a "hunter mentality" where you are the prey. 
     If you are not stalked or harassed, it may be because they are high functioning (meaning they care about their reputations in society to some extent, minimally of course). 

An abuser who talks to you about his fantasies of hurting other people, children or animals:
     Again, this is the chatter of sociopaths and psychopaths. Danger!

An abuser is an owner or has access to lethal weapons (can be guns):
     According the Educational Fund to Stop Gun Violence, a government website:
     Firearms contribute significantly to domestic violence in the U.S. — to threaten, to coerce, to control, and to kill. Around 4.5 million women in the United States have been threatened with a gun, and nearly 1 million women have been shot or shot at by an intimate partner.
     According to The Guardian article How the US fails to take away guns from domestic abusers: ‘These deaths are preventable’ by Jennifer Gollan:

     Guns are the No 1 weapon in domestic violence killings in the US – just owning a firearm makes an abuser five times more likely to take a partner’s life. People with a history of violence against a partner, including stalking or strangulation, are also far more likely to go on to commit more heinous acts. Earlier this year, researchers reported that more than two-thirds of recent mass shootings in the US involved perpetrators who killed partners or relatives or had a history of domestic abuse.
     According to The Domestic Violence Offender Gun Ban:

     The act bans shipment, transport, possession, ownership, and use of guns or ammunition by individuals convicted of misdemeanor domestic violence, or who are under a restraining (protection) order for domestic abuse that falls within the criteria set by 18 U.S.C. § 922(g)(8).
     However, even if your abuser does not own a lethal weapon, he can still kill you by other means.

An abuser threatens to punish you, kill you, or hurt you by unlawful means:
     A huge red flag. See this article on characteristics of abusers to see if any of these match your abuser. 
     Fantasies that abusers have in terms of violence or emotional abuse should be taken seriously. A lot of abusers have, make, and try to realize their plans in hurting other people.   

An abuser who talks of "taking other people away from you" that you hold close to your heart:
     Again, malignant narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths do this at some point during their escalation of abuse. They can mean it emotionally ("I'll talk bad about you and this person will believe me and never want to have anything to do with you again"), or actually ("I plan to threaten this person, or get rid of this person to hurt you").
     It's a blackmail threat. If you give into the blackmail, the abuse is likely to escalate to very dangerous levels. If you don't give into the blackmail, the abuse can escalate to very dangerous levels too. This situation requires professional help.

Stalking: Stalking is dangerous, and a crime. Stalking, like harassment, is unwanted contact. Go HERE to read about types of stalking. Stalking with rates of post traumatic stress disorder in stalked victims, and rates of murder are discussed in this article HERE.     

An abuser who tells you repeatedly that you mean nothing to them, that you are a waste to the human race, or that you are a waste of time for them:  

     Anyone who tells you this in a close personal relationship is trying to smash your self esteem. But an abuser means it. It is not a threat; it is actually how they view you.
     Abusers who use these statements tend to only be interested in dominating conversations, dominating your every move, shaming you repeatedly, to be nitpickers, rage-a-holics, micro-managers, and criticize people with impunity. It is their way of saying they are not happy with the narcissistic supply they get from you. 
     Most often a person who views you this way will ignore you, abandon you, stonewall, not be interested in what you have to say in the least. They will be bored by you. While it may hurt, it is usually a much more dangerous situation if they still want to be in your life. 
     If this type of abuser is interested, or becomes interested, in what you are doing, in your whereabouts, in finding out details about your life and relationships, or is information-gathering at all, your being a waste of time is a contradiction. But it is also stalking-by-proxy (especially if they have abused you), so beware!
     A person who says that you mean nothing to them, but isn't leaving you alone, is dangerous because they are usually thinking and planning. Thinking and planning means escalating abuse most of the time.
     My own experience with a person who fits this category is that they steal. And not only with one victim. This shows that they are interested enough in you to take from you, but not interested in what you have to say, and definitely not interested in what you have to say about being stolen from.
     People who steal, especially if they knowingly steal personal mementos and things that mean something to you, are usually malignant narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths (it's sadistic, after all), unless they are children playing at "stealing", or an adult desperate for food and shelter, or an addict.
     These abusers do not like fairness, or believe in compromise or agreements. They take. They will call other people selfish, but are way beyond their own standards of selfishness. I would say that based on my own experience that you need to guard not only yourself but other things in your life as well. And be happy if they find you not fit for their narcissistic supply needs, and find you boring. 
     Johnny 

HOW TO HANDLE
ESCALATING ABUSE

This is something you should never take on alone, without professional help. As this article from endingviolence.org by Jocelyn Coupal states:

Separation is the most common risk factor present in a domestic homicide (81%).* While leaving may be the best response to a violent relationship it is in leaving without adequate safety planning that the majority of women are killed. 

However, if you stay in the relationship the violence is likely to escalate too, so leaving is what most victims of domestic violence tend to do eventually. 

There are unforeseen dangers in leaving, which is why most victims seek help through their local domestic violence centers and domestic violence shelters. They are usually the most helpful in terms of devising a realistic plan to keep safe. A lot of victims feel emotionally worn out, and often down-play the dangers (it's the mind's way of dealing with the abuse: numbness, plus you are probably being groomed by your abuser that his or her treatment is perfectly normal and that you make him abusive - realize that this is brainwashing on your abuser's part and a very common tactic).

Every abuser is different, and professionals are going to be able to tell how dangerous your situation is by assessing your abusers reactions and your reactions. They will also be able to tell if there might be a personality disorder present in your abuser which raises the risks for you.  

While police can be helpful in telling you what your rights are, they are not always up on how leaving your abuser may effect you, your life, your children's lives and your pets' lives. However, knowing your rights can help with safety measures when you decide to leave the relationship. 

"Will An Abuser Kill You? 11 Signs Abuse May Turn Deadly."
from the administrators of DomesticShelters.org:

"Warning Signs Of An Abusive Relationship Becoming Violent or Ending in Homicide"
by Street Smart Women:

Further reading:

Escalation - by Michael Samsel for Abuse and Relationships blog
     Note: the blog also lists "acts of abuse" as Subtle Control, Manipulation, Basic Coercion, Discouragement, Rage, Deflection, Jealousy, Misogyny, Grooming, Authoritarian Style, Financial Control, Substance Abuse, Stonewalling, Battering, Stalking, Suicide (not out of depression, but to "guilt" the victim), Victim Role (i.e. "playing the victim"), Isolation, Sexual Abuse, Using Children, Legal Abuse, Slipping By - some of the same things I have discussed on this blog too.

Abuse Almost Always Escalates (Bad news: If you’re trapped in a cycle of abuse, it’s most likely going to only get worse) - by Amanda Kippert for Domestic Shelters

Domestic violence against women: Recognize patterns, seek help (Domestic violence is a serious threat for many women. Know the signs of an abusive relationship and how to leave a dangerous situation.) - by Mayo Clinic Staff for the Mayo Clinic

Spotting the Signs - Before Someone Dies - by Jocelyn Coupal for Ending Violence

 
Stop! 9 WARNING Signs That You May Be in a Dangerous Relationship - by Royale Scuderi for LifeHack.org

4 Signs That a Relationship Could Become Dangerous (Jealousy, isolation, and more red flags.) - by Abigail Brenner, MD for Psychology Today

Signs That Indicate a Relationship Could Turn Violent - by Buddy T, reviewed by Carly Snyder, MD for Very Well Mind

16 Warning Signs Your Partner is Dangerous - by Cyril Abello for Inspiring Tips 

Tell-Tale Signs of Dangerous Relationships - by the administrators of Meet Mindful

Is your partner making you feel unsafe? - by the administrators of Family Violence

Five Ways a Narcissist Comes Unglued - by Christine Hammond, MS, LMHC, medically reviewed by Scientific Advisory Board for Psych Central

In Control: Dangerous Relationships and How They End in Murder - by Jane Mockton Smith (Bloomsbury Publishing)

When Men Murder Women (Interpersonal Violence) - by R. Emerson Dobash and Russell P. Dobash (Oxford University Press)

No Visible Bruises: What We Don’t Know About Domestic Violence Can Kill Us - by Rachel Louise Snyder (Bloomsbury Publishing)

Recover and Rebuild Domestic Violence Workbook: Moving On from Partner Abuse - by Stacie Freudenberg, PsyD (Rockridge Press)

Healing the Trauma of Abuse: A Women's Workbook - by Mary Ellen Copeland, MS, MA and Maxine Harris, PhD (New Harbinger Publications)

Gaslighting: A Step-by-Step Recovery Guide to Heal from Emotional Abuse and Build Healthy Relationships - by Deborah Vinall, PsyD, LMFT (Rockridge Press)

Recovery from Gaslighting & Narcissistic Abuse, Codependency & Complex PTSD (3 in 1): Emotional Abuse, People-Pleasing and Trauma vs. Emotional Regulation, Mindfulness, Independence and Self-Caring - by Don Barlow (independently published, but very high ratings)

Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself - by Shahida Arabi (CreateSpace Independent Publishing) - a bestseller book on narcissistic abuse

Raised by a Narcissist: Understanding and Recovery for Adult Children of Narcissists - by Alan Chatting (Audible)

Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents - by Lindsay C. Gibson, PsyD (Audible Books)

Effects of Narcissistic Abuse - by Arlin Cuncic, medically reviewed by David Susman, PhD for Very Well Mind

This Is What Narcissistic Abuse Looks Like - by Marissa Pomerance for The Candidly

How do narcissists control you? How do they react when they can’t control you? - by Taylor Bennett for Thrive Works

How to Handle Narcissistic Abuse (Narcissists want power. Learn not to react to abuse, but to be strategic.) - by Kaja Perina for Psychology Today

Here's how to stop an argument with a narcissist from spinning out of control - by Lindsay Dodgson for Business Insider

excerpt:

     Elinor Greenberg, a therapist who wrote the book "Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizoid Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety," told Business Insider that fighting with a narcissist is a completely different experience to regular relationship quarrels.
     They are wired to be abusive because they're so hypersensitive and completely lack empathy, so they are primed to take offense and misunderstand someone else's needs and points of view ...
     ... Narcissists love talking about themselves, or expressing just how much more they know about something than you do. So, in a similar way you might distract a baby with a set of keys, you can dangle a new topic in front of their face to veer the conversation away from conflict. This might not be that effective in the midst of a fierce row, but if you do it after some time has passed, the narcissist will probably take the bait.

What is a Narcissistic Abuse Cycle & How Does It Work? - by Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C, reviewed by Naveed Saleh, MD, MS

The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle: Idealization, Devaluation, Rejection - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirke.com

The Target of Narcissistic Rage? Steps to Take Now - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirke.com

Signs You Had a Narcissistic Parent & What Trauma Treatment Can Do to Help - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirke.com

At the Mercy of a Narcissist? Don’t Dismiss Signs of Narcissistic Abuse - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirke.com

Narcissistic Relationship -Why It’s So Hard to Be Happy - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirk.com

How Life with a Narcissist Can Contribute to C-PTSD - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirk.com

Understanding Complex PTSD: What Is It? What Are the Signs? - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirk.com

How To Help Someone With Complex PTSD (CPTSD) - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirk.com

Why Use EMDR for PTSD and Complex Trauma Symptoms? - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirk.com

Complex PTSD Symptoms- How They Take Over Your Life - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirk.com

Complex PTSD and Dissociation: How the Mind Copes with Trauma - by Michael G. Quirke, MFT for MichaelGQuirk.com