Introduction and Definition of an Alcoholic (or the more polite adopted term: a person with alcohol use disorder). Comes With an Introduction to Family Roles.

This post is mainly a link dump (i.e. full of links), but it is also a post about alcoholic family trends. 

Although the whole blog is mainly about victimizing, domestic violence, trauma from abuse, PTSD, scapegoating, bullying, abuse and rage (extreme anger), alcohol can play a role in how much someone else gets hurt, and how alcohol consumption can contribute to violence, including domestic violence, and other assorted issues like the manipulation of others, the power and control of others, fault-finding and rage. 

And in terms of family systems, the family systems can look a lot like narcissistic families. As in  narcissistic families, there is usually a golden child, and a scapegoat.

However, unlike narcissistic families, the scapegoat is usually the middle child or the youngest child (in other words, it is more decided by age than by whether a child is acting sycophantic enough). But there are also other roles, with the addict taking up one role, and others in more roles than you would see in a narcissistic family: the caretaker, the hero, the mascot, the lost child, and the enabler.

All of this keeps the family enabling addiction, and therefore enabling dysfunctional family relationships. 

In other words, the family roles enable addiction (of the addict from taking responsibility for his or her own actions, health and well being), and the addiction enables the family roles: 

Sometimes family counseling is the only way to help an alcohlic family get out of the cycle of roles which enable addiction and enable blaming and shaming of members who are not a willing participant in terms of taking responsibility for the alcoholic(s). If the family members get out of role, give up their roles, leave the family to their dysfunction, or the whole family stops enabling, there is more hope for healing from family roles (which are never just, fair or an honest way to deal with issues and problems, especially when it comes to constant blaming of a scapegoat child for the alcoholic's behaviors, constant ignoring of a lost child, constant relying on a hero child to give up their childhood to be a responsible grown up for the addict and other family members, and annointing a golden child to make the family look much better than a family in utter stress and dysfunction.

A caveat: although these roles are more likely to be given to children, they can also be given to adults. The father can become the hero, in constant rescue mode, and the mother the scapegoat because she does not want to enable the alcoholic in the family and is constantly blamed for her "outside stance" on not wanting to be shoved into an enabler. 

In this case, divorce may be the end result rather than a child estranged from the alcoholic family. 

These are also good reasons not to enable an addiction (whether it is alcohol or some other kind of addiction). 

According to Project Courage, an in-patient and out-patient service for addiction treatment,  there are many reasons to get help for mental health and behavioral reasons that are the result of addiction  (including Jekyll/Hyde behaviors, sometimes criminal behaviors, overdosing which puts undue stress on family members, leading to a family with estranged and divorced members and often significant fnancial issues). They also cite these health problems for the addicted member or members of the family:

Substance use disorders are a life-long battle that can bring family members into dangerous, illegal, and unhealthy situations. The long-term health risks of substance abuse include cancer, heart disease, stroke, liver disease, risk of blood diseases, dental disease, weight loss, and necrosis of bowel tissue. 

There are actually a lot more risks to health and brain function than this article reveals, but even the two sentences above should alarm the family and the addict in terms of health, quality of life, family finances, and turning the family into an enabling cycle of more addiction and more dysfunction.

But in order to get into this topic, I thought it might be best to define what a person with "alcohol use disorder" (alcoholic) is.

For a quick definition, I give you Google AI's version first (copied here in dark red):

An alcoholic is a person who exhibits a pattern of excessive and compulsive alcohol consumption that leads to significant negative consequences in their life, including: 

* Impaired control: Inability to stop or reduce alcohol consumption despite its harmful effects. 

* Neglect of responsibilities: Problems at work, school, or in relationships due to drinking. 

* Tolerance: Need for increasing amounts of alcohol to achieve desired effects. 

* Withdrawal symptoms: Physical and emotional discomfort when alcohol consumption is reduced or stopped. 

* Health problems: Physical ailments such as liver disease, heart disease, and cancer. 

Alcoholism is a chronic disease that can be diagnosed by a healthcare professional based on the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5) criteria. It is important to note that the term "alcoholic" can be stigmatizing, and it is preferred to use more respectful language such as "person with alcohol use disorder". 

Other articles go more in depth. Here are a number of them (and I follow up with my comments below):

What is the Definition of Alcoholism - by Pinelands Recovery Center of Medford
This article includes how many people in the USA have Alcohol Use Disorder, what differentiates a "drinking problem" from an addiction to alcohol, a definition of alcoholism, and why medical help when withdrawing or quitting is necessary (alcohol withdrawal can cause seizures and even death). 

Alcoholism - from Wikipedia
This is a pretty comprehensive article. It goes into the addictive nature of alcohol, and that it can damage all organs in the body including the brain, heart, liver, pancreas, and immune system. It can also cause cancer, especially breast cancer in women. There are societal impacts as well, sometimes up to 6 percent of GDP for treatment of alcoholism, the damage to lives and vehicles while driving drunk, interpersonal violence while under the influence, attempted suicides and injuries from drunkenness and other issues connected to drinking.
Alcoholism tends to be caused by both environmental and genetic factors.
The article also includes why alcohol cessation should be controlled carefully, under medical care. 
The article also includes warning signs, physical effects, the psychiatric fall-out in terms of mental health issues like depression, panic disorder, anxiety, psychosis, confusion, brain disorders and dementia. Common comorbid disorders range from PTSD, the Cluster B personality disorders, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia and ADHD. 
The parts of the article I pay attention to in the interest of serving this blog are these excerpts:
... Alcohol misuse is associated with an increased risk of committing criminal offences, including child abuse, domestic violence, rape, burglary and assault.[72] ... 
... Drinking at inappropriate times and behavior caused by reduced judgment can lead to legal consequences, such as criminal charges for drunk driving[74] or public disorder, or civil penalties for tortious behavior. An alcoholic's behavior and mental impairment while drunk can profoundly affect those surrounding the user and lead to isolation from family and friends. This isolation can lead to marital conflict and divorce, or contribute to domestic violence. Alcoholism can also lead to child neglect, with subsequent lasting damage to the emotional development of children of people with alcohol use disorders.[75] For this reason, children of people with alcohol use disorders can develop a number of emotional problems. For example, they can become afraid of their parents, because of their unstable mood behaviors. They may develop shame over their inadequacy to liberate their parents from alcoholism and, as a result of this, may develop self-image problems, which can lead to depression.[76] ...
... Severe childhood trauma is also associated with a general increase in the risk of drug dependency.[86] Lack of peer and family support is associated with an increased risk of alcoholism developing.[86] Genetics and adolescence are associated with an increased sensitivity to the neurotoxic effects of chronic alcohol misuse. Cortical degeneration due to the neurotoxic effects increases impulsive behaviour, which may contribute to the development, persistence and severity of alcohol use disorders. ... 

On a personal level, I was told by a mental health practitioner that you can usually tell who has alcohol use disorder (the addiction to it and the problems associated with it) if they drink every day and it is more than one drink for women and two drinks for men. While one glass of wine in the evening with dinner is not a sign of addiction, it can be a slow sign that the person may be becoming "dependent" on it in the future. Most non-alcoholics (people without Alcohol Use Disorder) do not drink every day. Drinking only on weekends, even if a lot, is usually not indicative of Alcohol Use Disorder or an addiction to alcohol.

Also, the personality may change with drunkenness on the weekends, but otherwise stays stable throughout the week. Personality changes in those with Alcohol Use Disorder tend to change, and can change drastically, sometimes permanently, as the person becomes more addicted. The brain is trying to compensate and chronic symptoms start to show up. 

Furthermore, I was told that if a person who is drinking quite a bit more than a glass of wine at dinner every day, and is unusually aggressive or violent, it can be said that some of that aggression is likely to be attributed to the substance use disorder attributed to alcohol consumption. Many people with Alcohol Use Disorder become irrational and can see hostility in others when there isn't any hostility. Seeing alcohol-induced hostility can sometimes lead to violence (defensive violence, to ward off the hostility, or in this case, the illusion of hostility). 

In terms of growing up in an alcoholic family when I spent a significant time in ALANON it was pretty clear to me that a lot of alcoholic families do eventually turn into narcissistic families in a generation or two.

There can also be families with a combination of narcissistic family members, sociopathic family members and alcoholic/substance addicted members *shudders*. In fact, narcissism in a family will increase risks for all of these other outcomes.

Also, as ACOA defines it, grandparents count if parents weren't alcoholics in terms of being labeled an "alcoholic family". 

And since children of alcoholics are more likely to grow up with the roles of golden child, scapegoat, etc, it will seem normal for them to put their own children in roles, even if they are not alcoholics themselves. As with the acoholic parent(s) or sibling(s) they grew up with, it is common for them to expect their children to perform "hero duties" or "lost child duties" or "enabling duties" or "take-the-blame-instead-of-me duties" (the scapegoat role) just as they saw in their own family of origin.  

When all of these personality disorders and substance addiction issues are going on in one family, it can feel like a mad-house of controllers, arguers, speech interrupters, silencers, shamers and blamers, "you must ---" dominators, peppering so much conversation with unsolicited advice, lots of instability, suspicions, walking on eggshells, ultra forms of gaslighting, ultra forms of fawning and rebelling, usually some crime, jockeying to get attention or jockeying to stay invisible lest the shame/rage bombs fall, verbal and emotional abuse, family get-togethers with lots of alcohol or illicit drugs on the sidelines, and wondering whether to get out of dodge or "go along to get along", or whether to skip family functions altogether. What ever you do, it can feel like "trouble", like nothing is truly working, as work you must, since membership and approval in these kinds of families is tentative.

Anxiety levels can be high for most family members and that is never okay, or healthy, for anyone. 

Each family member usually makes a decision as to what they are going to do with these toxic issues. And guess what? A lot of their decisions will fall into line as to what role they were thrust in. Scapegoats will usually leave the family first. They almost always do in most alcoholic, narcissistic and sociopathic families. Lost children will tend to "drift away" either psychologically (dissociating from family dynamics, remaining ultra-quiet, appearing to be most interested in anything but the family) or drifting away from the family itself. 

Also, alcoholics can be scapegoats too. For instance, let's say a father is a functional alcoholic with a serious drinking problem that keeps eroding his health and his ability to manage his emotions.  However, because he's the bread winner, he is enabled. However, the family also has a scapegoat son who they blame for all of the problems in the family, especially since the son is the only one who dares to talk about his father's alcoholism. In alcoholic families you are not supposed to talk about the "elephant in the room"; you are supposed to make life easier by enabling instead. 

Anyway, since the son is picked on so relentlessly, he becomes traumatized and deals with the trauma by drinking (just as his father has). In fact, he is accused of being "just like your father! You have something coming to you if you think we're going to take care of two alcoholics!" so they throw the son out of the family. 

He has been taught by example to get help and attention by being an alcoholic. And by the way, most scapegoats are treated with this kind of incredible hypocisy.

In narcissistic families, criticizing, insulting, derisive comments, gossiping, calling others crazy, and  talking "trash" about family members and outsiders is the norm, but the scapegoat isn't allowed to do that, or even complain once about any of it or risk being shunned. "How dare you!!" is the reaction. In alcoholic families, full time enabling of one alcoloholic family member is allowed, particularly if his presence is seen as "absolutely necessary", while not even showing concern, respect, or politeness for an alcoholic scapegoat child, teenager or young adult is common. In fact, an alcoholic scapegoat is blamed for everything that is wrong with the father's drinking and the family's burdens, and the scapegoat's pleas for help are ignored and largely not considered or allowed. 

I'd say this family dynamic with scapegoating is "a much bigger elephant in the room" than any primary alcoholic. 

So I will be discussing issues like this as I expand this blog to talk about the role of addiction in terms of abuse and toxic roles.  

FURTHER READING

Living with a High-Functioning Alcoholic: Signs and Support - by The Recovery Village (editor Melissa Carmona), medically reviewed by Dr. Jessica Pyhtila, PharmD for The Recovery Village

Alcohol Use Disorder (Symptoms and Causes) - by the Mayo Clinic

Understanding Alcohol Use Disorder - by NIH (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism)

Recognizing the Most Common Characteristics of an Alcoholic - by Dr. Richard Crabbe for Free by the Sea, Sunset View Drug and Alcohol Recovery Center

Neuroscience: The Brain in Addiction and Recovery - by NIH (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism)

The Cycle of Alcohol Addiction - by NIH (National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism)

How can you reduce or quit alcohol? - Australian Government / Department of Health, Disability and Ageing

Treatment (alcohol misuse) - NHS (UK website)
article discusses Disulfiram, as well as other drugs, as an aid to keep you from relapsing

alcohol use disorder relapse rates - Google AI and Google Search

Enabling Behaviors - University of Pennsylvania Health System, Stairway to Recovery

The Five Most Common Trademarks of Codependent and Enabling Relationships
Do you enable your loved one? Here's the difference between enabling and support. - Hazelden Betty Ford Center

How to cope with a family member’s problem drinking - by HSE (Irish website)
excerpt:
When the situation is very difficult, it can be hard to imagine a different life. But change is possible, for you and the person drinking.
     There are ways to cope better when someone close to you is drinking in a harmful way. Building your coping skills and asking for help will make a difference. ... 

Living with an Alcoholic Spouse: The Risk of PTSD and How To Heal - by Diamond Recovery