Note: this sections has mainly to do with narcissistic abuse and research, trends and tactics of people with the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or people who have a propensity to control others through abuse.
WARNINGS
* Do Narcissists React with Anger When They See Empathy in Others? The Dangerous Attraction Between Narcissists and Empaths - "knowledge is power"
* Warning: The You're Useless Phrase", the "You're Nobody Phrase" and the "You're Worthless" Phrase in Narcissistic Abuse and Domestic Violence (discusses how an abuser's upbringing and family prejudices can lead to domestic violence)
* Warning: The You're Useless Phrase", the "You're Nobody Phrase" and the "You're Worthless" Phrase in Narcissistic Abuse and Domestic Violence (discusses how an abuser's upbringing and family prejudices can lead to domestic violence)
* The DARVO tactic of abusers (an important tactic to know about)
- in the comments section you will also notice someone dealing with a domestic violence situation and how this tactic was used on the poster.
* Why Narcissistic Abusers Pick the Worst Times of Your Life to Inflict Pain and Do Damage (very common - they put trying to get more power, domination and control for themselves first when you are in a broken or vulnerable state, instead of helping you)
PUNISHMENTS
Note: "Punishments" in close personal relationships between adults are always categorized as abuse.
Also note: These are just a few of the punishments of narcissists; others are listed below. For instance, prejudice is abuse if it hurts a person. Favoritism can be categorized as abuse if it hurts another child.
* Hurting or Punishing Others to Teach Them a Lesson - Does It Work?
* punishments: sadism, cruelty and Schadenfreude by narcissists and sociopaths, plus a discussion on jealousy, abandonment, and abuse as an addiction
* Why are abusers, narcissists and sociopaths rejecting, violent and offended by facial expressions, glances and your tone of voice
Note: "Punishments" in close personal relationships between adults are always categorized as abuse.
Also note: These are just a few of the punishments of narcissists; others are listed below. For instance, prejudice is abuse if it hurts a person. Favoritism can be categorized as abuse if it hurts another child.
* Hurting or Punishing Others to Teach Them a Lesson - Does It Work?
* punishments: sadism, cruelty and Schadenfreude by narcissists and sociopaths, plus a discussion on jealousy, abandonment, and abuse as an addiction
* Why are abusers, narcissists and sociopaths rejecting, violent and offended by facial expressions, glances and your tone of voice
* perfection in abusive relationships: parents and partners who expect perfectionism, and punish if they are not receiving it
* the silent treatment is abuse!
POSTS ON DIFFERENT FORMS OF NARCISSISM
* Another Way to Tell the Difference Between Overt Grandiose Narcissists, Covert Vulnerable Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Communal Narcissists: How They Get Narcissistic Supply
NEOROSCIENCE STUDIES ON THE BRAIN
* New: A Neuroscience Video on Brain Studies of People with Clinically Diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Brain Studies on Veterans and Victims of Narcissistic Abuse
(pertinent new discoveries that a lot of the traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder has a lot to do with particular regions of their brains, pointing more towards disability)
* New: How the Reports on Brain Studies of Narcissists Effected How I Looked at Narcissistic Abuse, and My Ability to Go Forward Studying Narcissism. Includes a Discussion About Power. (part II)
- This post may be relevant if you want to know how the prior post effected my research going forward. Comes with a personal story and why I think the power, control and domination tactics of narcissists are an addiction and what that creates not just in terms of escalation into violence. But in terms problems of societal assimilation assuming society sees narcissism as a disability instead of an unethical choice, I give some choices or the beginning of a conversation.
(pertinent new discoveries that a lot of the traits associated with Narcissistic Personality Disorder has a lot to do with particular regions of their brains, pointing more towards disability)
* New: How the Reports on Brain Studies of Narcissists Effected How I Looked at Narcissistic Abuse, and My Ability to Go Forward Studying Narcissism. Includes a Discussion About Power. (part II)
- This post may be relevant if you want to know how the prior post effected my research going forward. Comes with a personal story and why I think the power, control and domination tactics of narcissists are an addiction and what that creates not just in terms of escalation into violence. But in terms problems of societal assimilation assuming society sees narcissism as a disability instead of an unethical choice, I give some choices or the beginning of a conversation.
LOVE BOMBING AND OTHER TYPES OF LURING
MORE ABUSIVE PERSONALITY DISORDER TRAITS
(SOME ARE TACTICS)
(SOME ARE TACTICS)
* Narcissistic Abuse with Parentification and Infantilization
* Cyberbullying
SERIES ON LACK OF EMPATHY IN ABUSERS
* Lack of Empathy in Abusers, Narcissists and Sociopaths with a Discussion on the Dangers
* A Discussion on Cognitive Empathy in Abusive Relationships: How to Tell if the Person You Are Dealing With in a Close Personal Relationship Has Empathy
SERIES ON NARCISSISTIC SUPPY AND HOW IT RELATES TO ABUSE
(includes why narcissists don't really hear you or comprehend what you say:
Note: it has to do with narcissistic supply)
* Why Children Do Not Make Good Narcissistic Supply, Raising the Chances of Child Abuse (with a section on how poor listening and poor comprehension contributes to it)
* Another Way to Tell the Difference Between Overt Grandiose Narcissists, Covert Vulnerable Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Communal Narcissists: How They Get Narcissistic Supply
* A Discussion on Cognitive Empathy in Abusive Relationships: How to Tell if the Person You Are Dealing With in a Close Personal Relationship Has Empathy
SERIES ON NARCISSISTIC SUPPY AND HOW IT RELATES TO ABUSE
(includes why narcissists don't really hear you or comprehend what you say:
Note: it has to do with narcissistic supply)
* new: Once Narcissists Try to Hurt You, They Don't Want to Stop. It's One of Many Reasons Why Most Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse Eventually Leave Them. - contains a discussion about how narcissists can become satisfied with negative narcissistic supply.
* Why Children Do Not Make Good Narcissistic Supply, Raising the Chances of Child Abuse (with a section on how poor listening and poor comprehension contributes to it)
* Another Way to Tell the Difference Between Overt Grandiose Narcissists, Covert Vulnerable Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Communal Narcissists: How They Get Narcissistic Supply
SERIES ON NARCISSISM AND THE FALSE SELF
(MASKING TO HIDE THEIR REAL SELVES)
(includes why narcissists take up other people's personalities,
interests and dreams to mirror them, love bomb them, and fit in with society)
(MASKING TO HIDE THEIR REAL SELVES)
(includes why narcissists take up other people's personalities,
interests and dreams to mirror them, love bomb them, and fit in with society)
SERIES ON HOW PREJUDICE INFLUENCES NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
* Is Racism Linked to Narcissism?
* why abusers, and in particular, narcissists, demand you play a role ... why abusive relationships are more about role-playing than a real relationship, plus looking at prejudiced perspectives
* Relevant to the discussion: Is Blatant Favoritism of a Child by a Narcissistic Parent a Sign of Abuse? Comes With a Discussion on Scapegoating
to come: Misogyny and Abuse
SERIES ON SHAMING, BEING SHAMED, AND NARCISSISTS
* Shaming from Abusers, Narcissists
* How Shame is the Core Struggle of Most Narcissists. How it Gets Dumped Onto You, and How They Try to Harvest Regrets and Shame From You. Does It Work For Them?
* Why Shaming Your Children is Not Effective, How Narcissists Respond to Feelings of Shame, What You Can Do if You Are an Adult Child and Your Narcissistic Parents are Still Playing the Shame Game, and How to Start Healing from a Lifetime of Parental Shaming
* The Difference Between Narcissists and Those With Antisocial Personality Disorder: Narcissists Feel Shame and Regret for Hurting Others Even When it Doesn't Have to Do with Empathy, and Antisocial Personality Disordered Do Not
* Injustice, Victim Shaming and Blaming, and the Narcissist, with Other Types of Abusers Briefly Mentioned
* How Shame is the Core Struggle of Most Narcissists. How it Gets Dumped Onto You, and How They Try to Harvest Regrets and Shame From You. Does It Work For Them?
* Why Shaming Your Children is Not Effective, How Narcissists Respond to Feelings of Shame, What You Can Do if You Are an Adult Child and Your Narcissistic Parents are Still Playing the Shame Game, and How to Start Healing from a Lifetime of Parental Shaming
* The Difference Between Narcissists and Those With Antisocial Personality Disorder: Narcissists Feel Shame and Regret for Hurting Others Even When it Doesn't Have to Do with Empathy, and Antisocial Personality Disordered Do Not
* Injustice, Victim Shaming and Blaming, and the Narcissist, with Other Types of Abusers Briefly Mentioned
another pertinent post to this discussion:
* Why Do Narcissists Care So Much About Their Image? Narcissism and the Inauthentic False Self: Acting, Faking, Self Aggrandizing, Playing the Victim
* Should you Forgive Abusive People (with a Discussion on Narcissistic Abuse, Forgiveness Shaming, and a personal journey) - part of the discussion is about how people shame victims of abuse for not forgiving their abusers
* Toxic Positivity - shaming you because you talk about your trauma or traumas, or being abused, or your struggles as a survivor of abuse, because it's not "positive". This post is titled: "Toxic Positivity is a Form of Gaslighting When Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Sociopaths Tell You to Adopt It, Plus How it Tends to Be Part of Narcissistic Family Systems and How Enablers Use It."
to come:
Gratitude Shaming - shaming you for not being grateful even though you were or are abused
The Shame Rage Spiral - how shame and rage are inexorably linked in narcissistic abuse
How Being Exposed to Shaming Can Create Narcissism in a Child - how being exposed to narcissists and their shame-rage spiral can create narcissism in children.
* Why Do Narcissists Care So Much About Their Image? Narcissism and the Inauthentic False Self: Acting, Faking, Self Aggrandizing, Playing the Victim
types of shaming:
* Should you Forgive Abusive People (with a Discussion on Narcissistic Abuse, Forgiveness Shaming, and a personal journey) - part of the discussion is about how people shame victims of abuse for not forgiving their abusers
* Toxic Positivity - shaming you because you talk about your trauma or traumas, or being abused, or your struggles as a survivor of abuse, because it's not "positive". This post is titled: "Toxic Positivity is a Form of Gaslighting When Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Sociopaths Tell You to Adopt It, Plus How it Tends to Be Part of Narcissistic Family Systems and How Enablers Use It."
to come:
Gratitude Shaming - shaming you for not being grateful even though you were or are abused
The Shame Rage Spiral - how shame and rage are inexorably linked in narcissistic abuse
How Being Exposed to Shaming Can Create Narcissism in a Child - how being exposed to narcissists and their shame-rage spiral can create narcissism in children.
FAVORITISM AND NARCISSISM
Note: I decided to give scapegoating in abusive families its own page as it is something I will be writing a lot more about after switching gears away from the Cluster B Personality Disorders. There are already a number of posts up on that page. Scapegoats have a lot in common with each other.
Newest post (also found on the page about scapegoating): Is Blatant Favoritism of a Child by a Narcissistic Parent a Sign of Abuse? Comes With a Discussion on Scapegoating
* Favoritism: Fostering Abuse for Everyone in the Family, and Why a Narcissistic Parent Favors and Loves the Golden Child Most, and What it Does to the Whole Family
* Is Blatant Favoritism of a Child by a Narcissistic Parent a Sign of Abuse? Comes With a Discussion on Scapegoating
* Is Blatant Favoritism of a Child by a Narcissistic Parent a Sign of Abuse? Comes With a Discussion on Scapegoating
HOW ABUSIVE FAMILIES TREAT THEIR SCAPEGOATED CHILDREN
Note: I decided to give scapegoating in abusive families its own page as it is something I will be writing a lot more about after switching gears away from the Cluster B Personality Disorders. There are already a number of posts up on that page. Scapegoats have a lot in common with each other.
Newest post (also found on the page about scapegoating): Is Blatant Favoritism of a Child by a Narcissistic Parent a Sign of Abuse? Comes With a Discussion on Scapegoating
POSTS ON HOW NARCISSISTS TRAUMATIZE AND HURT YOU
IN CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND AT WORK
IN CLOSE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS AND AT WORK
Note: most relationships with narcissists will be traumatic and hurtful.
Why Do Narcissists Take the Vindictive Path When People Aren't Doing What They Want? Do Narcissists Get Satisfaction For Revenge, Vindictiveness, and Retaliations?
Why Do Narcissists Take the Vindictive Path When People Aren't Doing What They Want? Do Narcissists Get Satisfaction For Revenge, Vindictiveness, and Retaliations?
POSTS ON SILENCING AND THE SILENT TREATMENT
* Silencing From Narcissistic Parents: "I wasn't allowed to talk about my feelings, thoughts, and experiences, and if I tired to, I was told to shut up or get over it."
* The Silent Treatment
* The Silent Treatment is Abuse!
* The Silent Treatment and Complex PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
* Healing from the Silent Treatment
* The Silent Treatment
* The Silent Treatment is Abuse!
* The Silent Treatment and Complex PTSD (Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
* Healing from the Silent Treatment
POSTS ON "CAN'T NARCISSISTS CHANGE AND GET BETTER?"
POSTS ON APOLOGIZING AND FORGIVING ABUSE
(should you do it?)
(should you do it?)
* Should you Forgive Abusive People (with a Discussion on Narcissistic Abuse, Forgiveness Shaming, and a personal journey)
* Forgiving abusers: the "You're better than that" family culture that expects victims of familial abuse to make up with their abuser
* Why You Should Not Force Children to Apologize (also discusses forced apologies in abusive narcissistic families)
* Why you should always apologize to your child when you hurt him or her (avoiding trauma in your child)
* Forgiving abusers: the "You're better than that" family culture that expects victims of familial abuse to make up with their abuser
* Why You Should Not Force Children to Apologize (also discusses forced apologies in abusive narcissistic families)
* Why you should always apologize to your child when you hurt him or her (avoiding trauma in your child)
POSTS ON TRAUMA BONDING
* PART I: Some of How Trauma Bonds Are Formed with Narcissists
to come:
Types of Trauma Bonding
How Trauma Bonding Effects Your Physiology
to come:
Types of Trauma Bonding
How Trauma Bonding Effects Your Physiology
SERIES ON NARCISSISTIC JEALOUSY, COMPETING, FEELING TORN AS TO HOW SUCCESSFUL THEY WANT THEIR PARTNERS AND CHILDREN TO BE
(can include discussions on narcissistic supply)
(can include discussions on narcissistic supply)
POSTS ON HOW SYCOPHANTS, ENABLERS, POLLYANNAS,
THE BRAIN-WASHED, THE TOXIC POSITIVITY PEOPLE
AND CO-BULLIES
CONTRIBUTE TO NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
AND NARCISSISTIC POWER GRABS
THE BRAIN-WASHED, THE TOXIC POSITIVITY PEOPLE
AND CO-BULLIES
CONTRIBUTE TO NARCISSISTIC ABUSE
AND NARCISSISTIC POWER GRABS
* The Abuser's Co-bullies, Enablers, Believers, Henchmen, Co-conspirators and Parroting Sycophants (discusses narcissism, sociopathy and the "flying monkey" tendencies), plus a personal story
* Toxic Positivity is a Form of Gaslighting When Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Sociopaths Tell You to Adopt It, Plus How it Tends to Be Part of Narcissistic Family Systems and How Enablers Use It.
* Folie à deux Among Narcissists? Or Sycophants? Or Maybe Not Either?
* Toxic Positivity is a Form of Gaslighting When Narcissists, Malignant Narcissists and Sociopaths Tell You to Adopt It, Plus How it Tends to Be Part of Narcissistic Family Systems and How Enablers Use It.
* Folie à deux Among Narcissists? Or Sycophants? Or Maybe Not Either?
SERIES ON GASLIGHTING
(a common tactic for people who exhibit traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
* gaslighting and lying from active alcoholics and narcissists
new: * Can Narcissists Give Up Gaslighting in a Relationship?
SERIES ON SPLITTING (THE PSYCHOLOGICAL TERM FOR IT)
* abusers and splitting, the drastically different public image and private image they show to others, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde - an introduction to the subject. Splitting, in terms of the psychological definition, has to do partly with seeing a person as either "all bad" or "all good" and it can either be based on what the narcissist is getting or not getting from another person, or it is based on life-long prejudices which can be familial or cultural.
It also contributes to Jekyll/Hyde behaviors in the narcissist where they seem to be two separate people, one who is sticky sweet and magnanimous to one group of people (usually outsiders), and extremely cruel, bullying and dictatorial with another group of people (to some of the people closest to them). They can also switch from nice to cruel with the same person in a matter of seconds.
It also contributes to playing "favorites" with their children and triangulation.
It also contributes to obstinacy and chronically insisting that they get their own way, and refusing to compromise, noticing other people's feelings and points of view, and perpetrating abuse, particularly cycles of abuse (idealize, devalue, discard for most narcissists and 1. hoover, love bomb or stalk, then 2. coercively control, then 3. devalue, and then 4. destroy for malignant narcissists, or what is now termed "the dark triad").
* The Reason You Can't Make Up With Narcissists Has to Do With What Psychologists Refer to As "Splitting" (for both sides) - This post describes how narcissists split first, and after you show a lot of patience and openness to patching things up with the narcissist and it is unsuccessful (which it will be unless you totally cave into them - they want to make up only in terms of what will make them happy without satisfying any of your needs). At the point where making up with them is clearly not about reaching a decision where both of your feelings are taken into account, and where it also exposes you to more abuse, you are likely to split too, i.e. to eventually, after much patience, to see them "as all bad" too.
It also contributes to Jekyll/Hyde behaviors in the narcissist where they seem to be two separate people, one who is sticky sweet and magnanimous to one group of people (usually outsiders), and extremely cruel, bullying and dictatorial with another group of people (to some of the people closest to them). They can also switch from nice to cruel with the same person in a matter of seconds.
It also contributes to playing "favorites" with their children and triangulation.
It also contributes to obstinacy and chronically insisting that they get their own way, and refusing to compromise, noticing other people's feelings and points of view, and perpetrating abuse, particularly cycles of abuse (idealize, devalue, discard for most narcissists and 1. hoover, love bomb or stalk, then 2. coercively control, then 3. devalue, and then 4. destroy for malignant narcissists, or what is now termed "the dark triad").
* The Reason You Can't Make Up With Narcissists Has to Do With What Psychologists Refer to As "Splitting" (for both sides) - This post describes how narcissists split first, and after you show a lot of patience and openness to patching things up with the narcissist and it is unsuccessful (which it will be unless you totally cave into them - they want to make up only in terms of what will make them happy without satisfying any of your needs). At the point where making up with them is clearly not about reaching a decision where both of your feelings are taken into account, and where it also exposes you to more abuse, you are likely to split too, i.e. to eventually, after much patience, to see them "as all bad" too.
POSTS ON WHY YOU HAVE NO CHOICE OR CONTROL OVER WHETHER
SOMEONE WANTS TO ABUSE YOU AND HURT YOU
(even if they say they are hurting you on purpose for a reason:
it has to do with their "personality" and "desires" to hurt others, not you)
* If you are good and show altruism and magnanimity, will that keep you from being abused?
SOMEONE WANTS TO ABUSE YOU AND HURT YOU
(even if they say they are hurting you on purpose for a reason:
it has to do with their "personality" and "desires" to hurt others, not you)
* If you are good and show altruism and magnanimity, will that keep you from being abused?
TYPES OF BULLYING AND ACTIONS THAT LEAD TO BULLYING
SOME OF THE FALL-OUT FROM BEING BULLIED AND ABUSED
* new: Once Narcissists Try to Hurt You, They Don't Want to Stop. It's One of Many Reasons Why Most Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse Eventually Leave Them. - contains a discussion about how narcissists get satisfaction out of seeing you hurt, traumatized, angry, explaining yourself to deaf ears when they can't control you
* why narcissistic abuse can hurt so much
* why narcissistic abuse can hurt so much
HEALING FROM ABUSE, PTSD FROM ABUSE
AND A DISCUSSION ON VARIOUS METHODS TO HEAL, AND TO USE WITH ABUSERS
AND A DISCUSSION ON VARIOUS METHODS TO HEAL, AND TO USE WITH ABUSERS
This will have its own section, but in the meantime, I parked this article here:
* A Major Publication, The New York Times, Talks About "The Gray Rock Method"
* A Major Publication, The New York Times, Talks About "The Gray Rock Method"
CYCLES OF ABUSE AND TRIANGLES USED TO DISCUSS
HOW ABUSE HAPPENS
HOW ABUSE HAPPENS
COMMON THINGS ABUSERS SAY TO YOU
* new: Why "Obey Your Elders" Can Be Dangerous or Toxic - this post talks mainly about the wide use of this phrase among child abductors, child sex offenders and abusive parents.
* The Most Common Things Abusive Parents Say to Their Children and Why It Matters - Survivors of Child Abuse Weigh In
* The "Ungrateful Phrase" (Why Abusers Who Punish Use the Ungrateful Phrase)
* The "You Brought This Upon Yourself" Phrase ("You brought this upon yourself!", why abusers use this phrase)
* The "It's All Your Fault" Phrase (why abusers and narcissists say it is all your fault every time something goes wrong)
CASES OF ABUSE AND ALLEGED ABUSE IN THE MEDIA SPOTLIGHT
(abuse and alleged abuses brought up in public media that I decided to look into and write about)
* JonBenet Ramsey and Burke Ramsey: would parents cover up one of their children's murder for the other?
* Why it is Important to Keep the Conversation about Gabby Petito Going, Lessons About Domestic Violence
* Documentary Review: Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich (with a discussion about narcissism and how narcissism effected the victims) - note: this case has to do with sexual abuse of minors by wealthy influential men and their enablers.
* 9 year old Kendrick Lee found decomposed in apartment in Houston where siblings lived: the Brian Coulter - Gloria Williams case
* The Kimberly Sullivan Case. A Stepmother and Father Lock Away a Boy When He Is 12, Underfeeding Him, and Home Schooling Him, and at 32 He Takes a Chance of Being Rescued by Lighting the House on Fire
* Home-schooled Girl Kept in a Dog Cage From 11 Years Old Among Other Types of Egregious Abuse by Mother and Stepfather, the Brenda Spencer - Branndon Mosely Case
* Why it is Important to Keep the Conversation about Gabby Petito Going, Lessons About Domestic Violence
* Documentary Review: Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich (with a discussion about narcissism and how narcissism effected the victims) - note: this case has to do with sexual abuse of minors by wealthy influential men and their enablers.
* 9 year old Kendrick Lee found decomposed in apartment in Houston where siblings lived: the Brian Coulter - Gloria Williams case
* The Kimberly Sullivan Case. A Stepmother and Father Lock Away a Boy When He Is 12, Underfeeding Him, and Home Schooling Him, and at 32 He Takes a Chance of Being Rescued by Lighting the House on Fire
* Home-schooled Girl Kept in a Dog Cage From 11 Years Old Among Other Types of Egregious Abuse by Mother and Stepfather, the Brenda Spencer - Branndon Mosely Case
UPDATES BY MONTH AND YEAR
* An Update: New Studies in the Field of Trauma Recovery and Reactions, 500 Peeps Latest Blog, and Some Other Thoughts on Sycophants in Today's Politics - March 22, 2025
* An Update: Writing More Posts With Another Writer - August 9, 2024
* An Update: Writing More Posts With Another Writer - August 9, 2024
* An Update: A Post I am Working On With Someone Else: Do Scapegoats Abandon Other Scapegoats, or Do They Mostly Stick Together? - April 25, 2024
* Some Personal Gratitude to All Who Have Enlightened Me, and a Little on Why I Decided to Research Topics on Narcissism - April 6, 2024
* UPDATE - August 16, 2023
* Some Personal Gratitude to All Who Have Enlightened Me, and a Little on Why I Decided to Research Topics on Narcissism - April 6, 2024
* UPDATE - August 16, 2023
* A Short Update - April 27, 2023
TO COME
the isolation tactic, hoovering, baiting, arrogance in narcissists, ultra controlling narcissists, child abuse continuing as an adult, grooming children to accept abuse, more on the prejudices of most narcissists, the narcissist's sycophants and their dilemmas
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