Note: I'll be publishing some posts that are, in essence, "link dumps" to other articles. I'm doing this because there are already so many good articles on the subject and I don't have much to add to them except in my introductions and/or comments below the links (in this case I'm limiting my words to the introduction of these links).
I am providing many of these links so that if you are an empath, you have a clear picture of what you are likely to encounter with narcissists and why you are encountering them.
Remember that narcissists are mainly in relationships to get narcissistic supply and control of people and situations. Narcissists are power brokers. This motivation is not likely to change, ever, even if you talk to them about the intrinsic value of compromise or empathy. Lack of empathy is also a brain matter for narcissists (the anterior cingulate cortex). They don't feel empathy and it is pretty much a given that they never will.
As an empath, you will probably get to a point where a narcissist's need for more and more power and control over you, and putting that above all else in your relationship will over-shadow everything else in your relationship. While you may have great empathy for them, they won't for you (except possibly via cognitive empathy - understanding empathy on a purely intellectual level without feeling it).
Instances of cognitive empathy:
Some of these come from Jason Skidmore's You Tube Channel when he explains how he experiences cognitive empathy as a person who has been diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Others, more or less, come from seeing discussions in forums for narcissists, particularly posts devoted to how they are all dealing with not feeling empathy in a world that expects empathy from them:
* "I see tears. Does that mean I'm supposed to comfort her? Oh, to dig up the motivation for doing that!"
* "Oh, Cripe! These people are all crying at this funeral. Who are they kidding? Isn't this all pretend? I'm having a hard time believing this is genuine."
* "I suppose to keep my honor, I'll have to pretend to care."
* "I'm aware that I hurt her, but I just don't have the capacity to authentically care about it. Her feelings are irritating! I want to discard her badly, but maybe I'll have to fake caring if I want anything from her in the future."
* "She's crying. I think this is a power move on her part. I can get tears flowing too if I really concentrate. Maybe that is what I'll do to get her to stop crying and pay attention to me. Let her take care of me. I can pretend to be more of a victim than she can."
* "I wish there was a way to say 'I don't care what you're going through!' without everyone getting on my case about how heartless I am. I hate that I have to fake empathy all of the time! Beam me up to another planet where I don't have to keep doing this, please! Why should we all have to feel ashamed that we don't have empathy when we can't help it, people!!!"
One issue for empaths is that they can take great care of a narcissist when they are sick, but narcissists often abandon empaths when they are sick. This also goes for an empath going through a traumatic life event, getting injured, getting a diagnosis of cancer, and so on. Narcissists often prove they are "fair weather friends" and then hoover you back when they think they can be the focus in your life again. Sounds harsh, but it is true if you look into articles about that through the original link in this paragraph.
Because empaths are more vulnerable to entering into relationships with narcissists because of their caring and compassionate natures, and because narcissists see them as highly exploitable, the risk is greater that they will experience more severe forms of domestic violence and trauma bonding than other types of people.
This can really, really hurt an empath, so it is good for any empath to be aware of this before it happens. Most therapists suggest, at the very least, that your main relationships not be with narcissists, that empathy be matched in your closest personal relationships, that your ethics be matched, even, to some extent, your interests because interests can determine compatibility, and compatibility can determine matching in other parts of your character.
My other motivation for this "link dump" is to use this article in other posts as a place to go to understand what you are up against in terms of their cognitive empathy.
I also may add more links if more studies about the relationships between empaths and narcissists become available.
So, do narcissists react with anger when they see empathy in others. Yes, even if the anger is internalized, which for many narcissists it is because they feel ashamed for not feeling empathy. And where you get narcissistic shame, you usually get anger and even rage, and sometimes the rage can lead to them abusing you.
This is a link to the Google AI article (in dark red) about this. You can also explore other articles through that same link via Google Search:
Yes, narcissists can react with narcissistic rage to displays of empathy in others, as it can trigger feelings of shame and insecurity by highlighting their own lack of genuine empathy. An empathetic person reminds the narcissist of something they lack, potentially making them feel threatened, exposed, or manipulated, leading to an aggressive response aimed at regaining control or destroying the other person's self-esteem.
Reasons for a Narcissist's Anger
Shame and Insecurity:
* A genuinely empathetic person highlights the narcissist's own emotional void, which can activate shame they cannot process.
Threat to Control:
* Displays of empathy can be perceived as an attempt to manipulate or control the narcissist, or it may feel like the empath is challenging their dominance.
False Self:
* Narcissists often perform empathy rather than feel it. Seeing a true display of empathy can expose their own lack of authenticity.
Jealousy:
* The narcissist may feel that the empath is receiving the attention or admiration they crave, leading to resentment and anger.
How a Narcissist Might React
Aggression and Insults:
* The narcissist may become verbally aggressive, yelling, insulting, and belittling the empathetic person.
Gaslighting:
* They may try to manipulate the empathetic person's emotions or reality to make them doubt their own feelings and experiences.
Threats and Intimidation:
* They might use threats to regain control or punish the empath for perceived slights.
Focus on Themselves:
* The narcissist may shift the focus from the empath's feelings to their own, demanding that the empath stop crying or expressing their emotions.
Why This Reaction is So Harmful
Invalidation:
* The empath's feelings and genuine displays of humanity are dismissed, leading to feelings of confusion and self-doubt.
Emotional Manipulation:
* The narcissist uses anger to control the situation and maintain their power over the other person.
Erosion of Self-Worth:
* The interaction can destroy the empath's confidence and make them feel guilty for their feelings.
HOW DO NARCISSISTS WANT TO CONTROL EMPATHS
Narcissists want to control empaths by exploiting their compassionate nature and tendency to people-please. Narcissists are initially drawn to empaths, whom they perceive as ideal sources for the constant admiration and validation they crave. To achieve control, they employ a range of manipulative tactics that systematically erode the empath's self-worth and independence.
1. Idealization (love-bombing)
BECAUSE IT IS A BRAIN MATTER THAT IS RELATIVELY FIXED
BY THEIR EARLY TWENTIES
AND TREAT EMPATHS
Do narcissists tend to see empaths as exploitable? - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
A dark empath takes advantage of a real empath - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
Covert narcissist and empath - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
22 stages of relationship between an empath and a narcissist - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
Do narcissists respect or disrespect empaths? - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
Do malignant narcissists especially target empaths - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
Are empaths more resilient than others who break up with narcissists? - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
How an empath heals after breaking up with a narcissist - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
Are empaths more fragile or more resilient when it comes to abuse? - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
AND PEOPLE WITH PTSD TEND TO BE MORE EMPATHETIC ABOUT THE PAIN OF OTHERS
The same post as one above:
A Neuroscience Video on Brain Studies of People with Clinically Diagnosed Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and Brain Studies on Veterans and Victims of Narcissistic Abuse - my own post
People who have a prior history of PTSD are in more danger of hoovering tactics from narcissists - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
People who have a prior history of PTSD are in more danger of damage from narcissists - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
SO DANGEROUS FOR THE EMPATH?
Empaths & Narcissists: Understanding Attraction, Manipulation, and Healing - by Silvi Saxena, MBA, MSW, LSW, CCTP, OSW-C and medically reviewed by Naveed Saleh, MD, MS for Choosing Therapy
Safety plans for empaths - Google AI answer (with Google Search)
Protecting Your Energy: A Guide for Empaths & HSPs - by Sheryl Wagner
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