As with many posts I will be publishing, this post is primarily a "link dump" where I put in links because there are so many good articles now that you can read up on this subject yourself.
I have written a post on gaslighting myself HERE.
To answer the question, "Can narcissists give up gaslighting in a relationship?" And by the way, narcissists are known for gaslighting. If they have all or a lot of the traits of the personality disorder in the DSM, you'll probably find that it is one of their most obvious traits, and that the high majority of them use gaslighting in their relationships.
My first stop was Google Search and Google AI. This is the Google AI article - in dark red (note: I continue with my own findings below this article):
In a relationship, it is highly unlikely that a person with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) will completely stop gaslighting. Gaslighting is a core manipulative tactic narcissists use to maintain control and protect their fragile ego, and they have very little motivation to stop.
Why narcissists rarely give up gaslighting
* Need for control: A narcissist must control the narrative and their partner's perception of reality to feel dominant. When they can no longer manipulate you, they often panic and escalate their tactics.
* Inability to take accountability: Admitting fault or being wrong shatters the narcissist's carefully constructed false image of perfection. To avoid shame, they twist facts, rewrite history, and blame their partner, all of which are forms of gaslighting.
* Lack of empathy: Narcissists lack the emotional capacity to understand or care about the hurt their gaslighting causes. They view relationships as a zero-sum game, where they must win and you must lose.
* It works for them: For the narcissist, gaslighting is a successful tactic that has helped them get what they want for years. They have no reason to change a strategy that allows them to avoid responsibility and maintain their superiority.
Can a narcissist ever change?
Significant, lasting change is rare and depends on a series of difficult conditions that are seldom met.
* Willingness for therapy: The person must genuinely acknowledge their harmful behavior and commit to intensive, long-term therapy. However, their ego and a pervasive lack of self-awareness make narcissists famously resistant to treatment.
* External consequences: Some narcissists may seek therapy if they face a major consequence, such as the threat of losing an important relationship. But even then, there is no guarantee they will put in the necessary effort.
* Not for love: You cannot love or support a narcissist into changing their behavior. The decision and motivation must come from them alone, and a manipulator may exploit a partner's hope for change to maintain control.
How to protect yourself from a gaslighting narcissist
Because genuine change is so unlikely, it is crucial to focus on protecting your own well-being.
* Document everything: Keep a journal of events and conversations to counter the narcissist's manipulation and remind yourself of the truth.
* Set and enforce boundaries: Clearly communicate what you will and will not tolerate. Be prepared to stand firm on these boundaries, as the narcissist will inevitably try to push them.
* Do not react: The narcissist is trying to provoke a reaction to use against you. Do not engage in arguments, and do not take their behavior personally.
* Seek professional support: A therapist can provide support, help you validate your experiences, and assist you in identifying when you are being manipulated.
* Consider leaving the relationship: If the abusive behavior continues, the healthiest and safest option for your mental health may be to leave. Your well-being must come first.
The reason why they see no need to give it up is that this tool, even though it is abusive to others, and even though it has been categorized as abuse by psychologists around the world, and even though it can cause C-PTSD in their victims, especially victims who are children. it helps with their main agenda of why they are in relationships in the first place: to gain evermore power, control and domination over you. It is also a cornerstone of coercive control. And coercive control can lead to relational violence.
If you aren't looking to them the way they want, not giving credence to their distorting your reality, or believing in their lies, or refusing to see situations the way they want you to, or if they have been caught in a lie, they gaslight as a way to justify devaluing and discarding.
In devaluing and discarding you, they continue to distort reality by telling others in smear campaigns that they left you because you were crazy. Then they try to paint themselves as the "true victim" so that common friends or common family will help them rather than help you.
Perspecticide, is also, in essence, gaslighting. With perspecticide they define how you are feeling and thinking without your input. They also argue with you about how you think and feel (i.e. they don't believe you are telling the truth about how you feel and think).
They believe that gaslighting helps them avoid accountability for their actions.
They believe that gaslighting helps to get them superiority over others.
They believe that it induces other's dependence on them wherein they can call the shots in the relationship and therefor somewhat enslave people to do what they want.
They believe gaslighting will help them convince you to have doubts about others you are close to in order to isolate you with only their perspectives and distortions.
It is used as a weapon for increasing other's insecurities, decreasing other's self esteem, and negating other's needs to be heard and understood.
Narcissists also use gaslighting to spread false gossip.
They believe it helps them get you to accept minimizing your own pain and suffering. Narcissists often feel that the less pain and suffering they have to deal with from you, the more the attention is focused on them.
They believe gaslighting helps them to undermine your credibility, perspectives and intelligence.
Gaslighting is used to highlight the good they do while simultaneously trying to bury their abusive natures, or the bad that they do to others.
Narcissists use gaslighting as a form of intimidation, retaliation, bullying and to win an argument at all cost to your relationship with them, and often with "you are" statements which they think may help to erode the victim's credibility and perspectives more.
Apparently all of these are difficult for narcissists to give up.
....
In another post I will explain how gaslighting effects victims. In child victims it can have life long consequences, including disabilities in terms of organizing and organized thought patterns and processes, memorizing for tests in school, possible inability to keep to procedures, possible hypervigilance, possible "failure to launch", an inability to regulate strong emotions and possible C-PTSD symptoms and disassociation because in narcissistic family systems being called crazy usually has elements of attack and shaming, both of which are categorized as a form of abuse when taken to the level of gaslighting.
Gaslighting can also erode a child's real personality because he or she is constantly being derisively judged as "crazy" and "without value".
5 Signs It's Gaslighting, Not a Disagreement - by PsychToGo (a consortium of mental health professionals) - You Tube
Narcissism, Gaslighting & Emotional Abuse: Top 5 Tips for Therapists - Amy Marlow-Macoy, Med, LPC, and Amy Kempe, LPC, NCC, CSAT (authors of "The Clinician’s Guide to Treating Adult Children of Narcissists") - You Tube
Gaslighted by Silence - by psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula - You Tube
explanation of video:
Gaslighting isn’t always loud—sometimes the narcissist says nothing at all. That silence, that cold indifference when you're hurting, is one of the most insidious forms of gaslighting. You’re left doubting your reality, wondering if you’re being dramatic or ridiculous, all because no one acknowledged what happened. In narcissistic relationships, silence isn't neutral—it’s a denial of your experience, and it hurts just as much as the words.
The SURPRISING SIGNS Someone Is "GASLIGHTING" You! - by psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula - You Tube
A Covert Narcissist's Gaslighting Strategy - psychologist Dr. Les Carter for Surviving Narcissism - You Tube
The Cruelest Form of Gaslighting - by psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula - You Tube
Your Reality | Award-winning short film on Gaslighting - Tatjana Anders - You Tube
explanation of video:
TRIGGER WARNING!
Your Reality is a multi-award winning short psychological thriller that tackles the current topic of Gaslighting, with the goal to raise awareness of this dangerous emotional abuse and help you recognise its signs.
The film follows a successful young marketing executive, who after moving in with her charming photographer boyfriend is in danger of losing everything, as she becomes increasingly unsure of her ability to trust her own memory.
Covert Narcissists: Why Their Abuse Feels More Damaging - by Richard Grannon - You Tube
discusses the more insidious, covert forms of gaslighting
GASLIGHTING | Award-winning short film - by Qbit Films
When being gaslighted makes YOU seem unstable - by psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula - You Tube
7 Signs Your Parents are Gaslighting You - by PsychToGo (a consortium of mental health professionals) - You Tube
The Damage Done by Constant Parental Gaslighting
Have you experienced parental gaslighting? It's time to trust yourself again - by Daniel S. Lobel Ph.D. for Psychology Today
11 Red Flags of Gaslighting in a Relationship
Gaslighting is a manipulation tactic used to gain power. And it works too well - by Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D. for Psychology Today
The Math of Manipulation in Relationships
When denominator neglect is used to make you doubt your truth - by Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D. for Psychology Today
This is a type of gaslighting.
3 Key Drivers of Gaslighting
Understanding why people gaslight helps in early detection and resistance - Jennifer Fraser Ph.D. for Psychology Today
How to Respond When Being Gaslit
Knowing what to do is key. - by Hannah Alderete MA, LMHC for Psychology Today
7 Stages of Gaslighting in a Relationship
How gaslighters emotionally manipulate, traumatize, and exploit victims. - by Preston Ni M.S.B.A. for Psychology Today
Why Gaslighters Accuse You of Gaslighting
Accusing you of their own behavior is a classic gaslighter's tactic. - by Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D. for Psychology Today
What Exactly Is Gaslighting, and Why Do People Do It?
A new study shows what drives people to gaslight and how to recover from it. - by Dan Mager MSW for Psychology Today
The 5 Worst Things We Do to Each Other, Psychologically
From gaslighting to love bombing, manipulators love playing dangerous games. - by Kevin Bennett Ph.D. for Psychology Today
4 Types of Gaslighting in Families
1. The double bind. - by Jonice Webb Ph.D. for Psychology Today
7 Signs of Being Emotionally Erased by One's Family
How childhood neglect affects feeling seen and valued in relationships. - by Jonice Webb Ph.D. for Psychology Today
Why a Family Would Ever Exclude One of Their Own
Exclusion in a family is as harmful as bullying, and sometimes even more so. - by Jonice Webb Ph.D. for Psychology Today
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