note: all star ratings have to do with whether I think the story told is a realistic portrayal. In fact, all reviews are about covering issues related to abuse, scapegoating, toxic family portrayal, alcoholic family portrayal, substance abuse family portrayal, children from abusive families and their experiences, and how effective that portrayal is, not about how effective the movie-making is, or the set design, or production, directing and acting. I leave those concerns to other writers and reviewers. I don't even cover whether I would recommend the movie to others based on my likes and dislikes; I only recommend movies that I think will open people's eyes as to how survivors of abuse live in the world.
This page contains a review for:
Maid
Maid
Spoiler alert!
According to Quincy LeGardye (in an article called What Is Stephanie Land of 'Maid' Doing Now? - The real-life Alex is now a New York Times best-selling author. for the Marie Claire website):
Netflix's newest acclaimed drama, Maid, tells the story of a single mother's resilience and recovery from domestic abuse. It follows Alex, a young woman who leaves her abusive boyfriend and navigates the American welfare system while getting whatever work she can cleaning houses. The heart-wrenching show has captivated fans, who have been asking whether Maid is based on a true story.
The series is based on author Stephanie Land's memoir Maid: Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will to Survive. Though much of the show is fictionalized, adding in new characters and including more of Alex's mother and father, the larger arc and many of the scenes with Alex and her daughter, Maddy, come from Land's real life, when she worked as a maid after leaving an abusive relationship.Besides landing on the New York Times bestseller list, it also ended up on Barack Obama's 2019 Summer Reading List.
I felt I had to see this ten-episode series because a fairly vocal survivor of domestic violence said that this was "her life too". The fact that this book was on the bestseller list may have something to do with more than a few women relating to the story, yes?
The series is supposed to take place in Washington state, but is actually filmed more in Canada than in Washington.
The two main characters in the series who are mother and daughter, are also mother and daughter in real life.
These are some of the issues that are raised in the film:
ALEX, THE MAIN CHARACTER, IS IN AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP
- THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE SHE ENDURES COUNTS AS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
- THE EMOTIONAL ABUSE SHE ENDURES COUNTS AS DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
This is one of the first times I have seen emotional abuse (and exclusively emotional abuse) being covered in a moving picture. The series is groundbreaking in this way, and it shows how scary and isolating it can be. It also shows why a person undergoing it might want to escape.
Just because the relationship does not feature hitting, shoving, punching, throwing her around and other kinds of physical abuses, you can see how an emotionally abusive relationship could escalate to physical abuse very fast (it almost gets to that point). At the very least, Alex's boyfriend is raging in her face, clenching his fists, throwing things, and making threats. The fear of the abuse escalating (and it does escalate later in the series from a make-up into the same kind of abuse she endured before) is why she leaves - twice.
The reason given for why Sean, the boyfriend of Alex, and co-parent to Maddy, is abusive is that he is an alcoholic given to terrifying rages and controlling behavior. Although alcoholics can be controlling, more of them are not to the extent that Sean is, so this is a bit misleading. Usually alcoholism with this level of controlling behavior points to a personality disorder with alcoholism. However, this does not take away from the story. Alcoholics can have rage with control issues that can bleed over into momentary behaviors that they wouldn't normally have if they were "sober".
Sean tries to give up alcohol while Alex and Maddy are gone to win them back, but as soon as they are back, he starts drinking again, gets abusive again, and it becomes clear why she left in the first place.
At the domestic violence shelter, she understands that emotional abuse in the context of being admitted to the shelter counts as domestic violence.
Just because the relationship does not feature hitting, shoving, punching, throwing her around and other kinds of physical abuses, you can see how an emotionally abusive relationship could escalate to physical abuse very fast (it almost gets to that point). At the very least, Alex's boyfriend is raging in her face, clenching his fists, throwing things, and making threats. The fear of the abuse escalating (and it does escalate later in the series from a make-up into the same kind of abuse she endured before) is why she leaves - twice.
The reason given for why Sean, the boyfriend of Alex, and co-parent to Maddy, is abusive is that he is an alcoholic given to terrifying rages and controlling behavior. Although alcoholics can be controlling, more of them are not to the extent that Sean is, so this is a bit misleading. Usually alcoholism with this level of controlling behavior points to a personality disorder with alcoholism. However, this does not take away from the story. Alcoholics can have rage with control issues that can bleed over into momentary behaviors that they wouldn't normally have if they were "sober".
Sean tries to give up alcohol while Alex and Maddy are gone to win them back, but as soon as they are back, he starts drinking again, gets abusive again, and it becomes clear why she left in the first place.
At the domestic violence shelter, she understands that emotional abuse in the context of being admitted to the shelter counts as domestic violence.
A CHILD COMES FIRST
Alex seems to be the most reliable and responsible in the series among all of the major characters. Her mother (expertly played by Andie MacDowell) has bipolar disorder. Like Alex, she endured domestic abuse by Alex's father, and like Alex, moved out and took Alex with her.
These things do tend to run in families, and they can also be multi-generational. It is the big turning point in the story, the discovery that it is being repeated with a new generation.
The mother tries to make a living at craft fairs and on Etsy, is easily exploited by others, and as it turns out, we find that she is as homeless as Alex is.
It is typical for predators to exploit people with emotional, financial or mental issues (human predators often prey on people who they deem to be weak), and this is what happens to the mother. It is also not uncommon for the people who have financial and emotional issues to end up in dire straights. Real people who resemble the mother in this series want to be safe (but safety often equates to being controlled in scary ways) but also to be free (freedom equates to homelessness with Alex's mother's degree of disability to avoid being in a bureaucratic merry-go-round of hospitals and institutions). For the mother, freedom wins out over safety, even though it means she is homeless. In order not to end up without freedom again, she lies to her daughter about being homeless.
Alex doesn't try to challenge it. She knows she risked everything for freedom too.
In the beginning, the mother neither has the financial, mental or emotional wherewithal to babysit her granddaughter so that her daughter can go to work to support the two of them.
The mother's boyfriend is too busy exploiting the mother and wanting her all to himself to be of much use as a babysitter either.
Alex's ex-boyfriend doesn't have the ability to take care of the daughter because he is battling an addiction.
And Alex's father is too chummy with Sean, and Alex remembers too many abusive episodes between him and her mother to trust him with her child.
So there is no one to babysit Maddy until Alex finds solutions. Eventually she finds some, but they are terrible in the beginning, until there is one that Alex approves of, only to find that the bureaucratic situation seems impossible to overcome. Alex overcomes them momentarily, but then everything ends up in disaster again ... which is one reason she ends up back with the ex, Sean.
Even the most responsible person cannot keep the weight of poverty, lack of opportunity, incredible stressful family situation, housing problems, lack of food, and issues with an abusive ex up. It is like the weight of it all plus some seriously bad luck crumbles on top of her and squashes her, so that the only situation left to get her bearings again is with her ex. Then the domestic abuse starts again ...
But the strength she has to overcome all of it and rise again has to do with Maddy. She wants to make sure that Maddy has a better life. She always keeps that in mind, and will sacrifice almost everything for her daughter. Keeping her daughter safe, healthy, eating well, and not scared and traumatized by domestic violence scenes is her first priority, and it keeps her on the path to a better life even though she failed at it before. Not that it was "her failure". It becomes obvious that it is largely about how society treats poor single mothers and fails at it.
From comments by other survivors I have known who lived like Alex, they felt that society cared very little for the plight of poor single Moms, and that the bureaucratic hurdles made it all so much worse, made them feel guilty on every level: guilty for being poor, guilty for being in an abusive relationship, guilty for exposing their child to abuse, guilty for not having adequate housing for their child, guilty for wanting a better life for their child when society tells them in so many words that their "station" in life means they can't dream beyond it, guilty for wanting the things and luxuries that their wealthy clients have, guilty for going back to their abusive ex's.
These things do tend to run in families, and they can also be multi-generational. It is the big turning point in the story, the discovery that it is being repeated with a new generation.
The mother tries to make a living at craft fairs and on Etsy, is easily exploited by others, and as it turns out, we find that she is as homeless as Alex is.
It is typical for predators to exploit people with emotional, financial or mental issues (human predators often prey on people who they deem to be weak), and this is what happens to the mother. It is also not uncommon for the people who have financial and emotional issues to end up in dire straights. Real people who resemble the mother in this series want to be safe (but safety often equates to being controlled in scary ways) but also to be free (freedom equates to homelessness with Alex's mother's degree of disability to avoid being in a bureaucratic merry-go-round of hospitals and institutions). For the mother, freedom wins out over safety, even though it means she is homeless. In order not to end up without freedom again, she lies to her daughter about being homeless.
Alex doesn't try to challenge it. She knows she risked everything for freedom too.
In the beginning, the mother neither has the financial, mental or emotional wherewithal to babysit her granddaughter so that her daughter can go to work to support the two of them.
The mother's boyfriend is too busy exploiting the mother and wanting her all to himself to be of much use as a babysitter either.
Alex's ex-boyfriend doesn't have the ability to take care of the daughter because he is battling an addiction.
And Alex's father is too chummy with Sean, and Alex remembers too many abusive episodes between him and her mother to trust him with her child.
So there is no one to babysit Maddy until Alex finds solutions. Eventually she finds some, but they are terrible in the beginning, until there is one that Alex approves of, only to find that the bureaucratic situation seems impossible to overcome. Alex overcomes them momentarily, but then everything ends up in disaster again ... which is one reason she ends up back with the ex, Sean.
Even the most responsible person cannot keep the weight of poverty, lack of opportunity, incredible stressful family situation, housing problems, lack of food, and issues with an abusive ex up. It is like the weight of it all plus some seriously bad luck crumbles on top of her and squashes her, so that the only situation left to get her bearings again is with her ex. Then the domestic abuse starts again ...
But the strength she has to overcome all of it and rise again has to do with Maddy. She wants to make sure that Maddy has a better life. She always keeps that in mind, and will sacrifice almost everything for her daughter. Keeping her daughter safe, healthy, eating well, and not scared and traumatized by domestic violence scenes is her first priority, and it keeps her on the path to a better life even though she failed at it before. Not that it was "her failure". It becomes obvious that it is largely about how society treats poor single mothers and fails at it.
From comments by other survivors I have known who lived like Alex, they felt that society cared very little for the plight of poor single Moms, and that the bureaucratic hurdles made it all so much worse, made them feel guilty on every level: guilty for being poor, guilty for being in an abusive relationship, guilty for exposing their child to abuse, guilty for not having adequate housing for their child, guilty for wanting a better life for their child when society tells them in so many words that their "station" in life means they can't dream beyond it, guilty for wanting the things and luxuries that their wealthy clients have, guilty for going back to their abusive ex's.
POVERTY: "FOOD AND SHELTER INSECURE"
In the series, Alex moves from making a home in her car, sleeping in a ferry station, a domestic violence shelter, a friend's house, a low-income housing development, to an abusive environment. The low income housing development, the best place she lives, develops a mold problem where the mold threatens Maddy's health, so she is told she must move out. Then the problems mount again.
I have had some experience with poverty myself from age 18 - 21, when I was desperately trying to go to college (which is part of this story too, to some degree), where I worked as a chambermaid and waitress (which has some similarities to cleaning houses), where I ran into catch-22 bureaucratic "red tape" (similar to what the main character in this story endures) and where I went from 125 pounds down to 106 pounds, weight I could ill afford to lose as a doctor said I was already underweight when I was 125 pounds (lack of food is something that the character in this story endures too). I also had very little support (the character in this series has very little support too, but for different reasons than I had, but were similar in that they were "family oriented", or maybe "family originated" is the right word). And like her, I wrote a lot (a novel even).
So I found all of the issues having to do with poverty, the inability to find adequate food and shelter, and almost no familial support to be totally believable. I have a feeling that most people who live in poverty have the same kinds of multiple overwhelming challenges that this story presented. But like the character in this story, we both overcame it with determination and a lot of hard work. But it is a situation you never forget. It is a situation that requires almost herculean efforts no matter how many times you fall, and often above and beyond most people's schedules, without giving into the pleasures, relaxation and leisure activities that most people have, to make sure it does not happen again. You have to be as responsible as you can to transform a life like this, and even then you sometimes fail because of lack of insights into the business world, and simply from being too young to know what it takes to survive without support.
Being abused is a terrible compromise to obtain food and shelter. It is why I have always been a proponent of a living wage, especially for women. Without a living wage, people are paying their taxes to the poor anyway, for the bureaucracies for the poor first and foremost, and then the subsidized housing, subsidized health insurance, food stamps, subsidized daycare, and then also for all of the endless evaluations you get when you are working full time but dependent on the government too (these "evaluators" have much higher paying jobs than the poor they are evaluating, so in a way, it is an added expense that could be avoided by doing the right thing). Then there are the domestic violence shelters too with their social workers. A lot of battered women who live in these shelters have PTSD from enduring so much abuse - so then there is subsidized mental health care too.
It's amazing that any of us make it out of the threats and scare tactics of abusers (who still seek to act like predators and/or love bombers when you have escaped). We are kept in false imprisonments by domestic violence perpetrators too, a crime that is common in these situations. We are kept in a state that keeps us from advancing out of poverty and danger, and where dependency on a volatile unfit mate seems insurmountable considering that escaping carries even more dangers, at least for an entire year. One can see why some women don't make it. I think this series also shows why some women don't leave their abusers - imagine if the main character, Alex, was enduring so much physical abuse that it made her disabled. That happens frequently in these situations. She has the intelligence to know she has to leave before the physical abuse starts, but many women don't. Many are caught off guard ("He would never hurt me! He said he loves me!" - it is how many women become tricked by entrapment, over the word "love", but it is a vapid word when it is used by someone who only wants to dominate and control their mate, and who abuses to get more power and control for themselves to the point of totally disabling their victim).
Anyway, before I get too far off into that train of thought, there is subsidized health care for her bruises and cut lips too.
There are subsidized legal services to get men like this incarcerated. Incarcerated men also mean your tax dollars. And while they are in jail, they can't pay alimony or child support, so again, these women have to rely on the government for that. In the past, many perpetrators were not incarcerated - so they did it all over again to another woman, so that increases the subsidizing to two women.
And then if they have children, one out of three of their children is likely to perpetrate domestic violence too. And then that cycle will need subsidies in the way of tax dollars too.
Wouldn't it just be better to give women a living wage to begin with, so that she can move out easily when the violence starts, and live in peace with her child? For me, that is what the series asks loud and clear.
NOT ALL RICH PEOPLE ARE SELFISH BAD PEOPLE
For the most part, rich people do not look good in this series. They act entitled, they ignore Alex, they will fire Alex over a "learning issue" (i.e. being new to "the maid business" and not always knowing the protocols).
But one of Alex's most irritating and seemingly most demanding clients, Regina, actually starts to see Alex for what she is, i.e. not just a maid. But it takes a tragedy in Regina's life to make her start treating Alex with more dignity and respect.
Eventually, Regina pours her heart out to Alex, and Alex tells her about some struggles she has too. When the domestic abuse starts again for Alex, Regina is the one who Alex calls. Regina drives her to the domestic violence shelter and also provides much needed legal help.
Every single mother who is living in poverty, whose ex is a domestic abuse offender, who is living with incredibly difficult unresolvable family issues, and custody issues, needs an angel with some financial backing, and this angel comes through for Alex in the way of Regina.
Where Maid Misses the Mark (Netflix’s breakout hit is a tough tale of economic desperation and domestic abuse, but there’s one place it’s hopelessly idealized.) - by Elizabeth Skoski for Slate
Maid: the bleak humour of Netflix’s hit show rings true to victims – and that’s not all it gets right (As a survivor of domestic violence, Alex O’Sullivan saw a lot of herself in the series. She hopes the funny side of it brings more viewers in) - by Alex O'Sullivan for The Guardian
'Maid' is an unflinching portrait of a single mom's will to survive - by David Bianculli for NPR
But one of Alex's most irritating and seemingly most demanding clients, Regina, actually starts to see Alex for what she is, i.e. not just a maid. But it takes a tragedy in Regina's life to make her start treating Alex with more dignity and respect.
Eventually, Regina pours her heart out to Alex, and Alex tells her about some struggles she has too. When the domestic abuse starts again for Alex, Regina is the one who Alex calls. Regina drives her to the domestic violence shelter and also provides much needed legal help.
Every single mother who is living in poverty, whose ex is a domestic abuse offender, who is living with incredibly difficult unresolvable family issues, and custody issues, needs an angel with some financial backing, and this angel comes through for Alex in the way of Regina.
SOME TAKE-AWAYS
The main character in this series has the forethought to realize that her daughter will suffer from the domestic violence perpetrated by her partner. It doesn't always work out that way. Some women stay thinking that a child needs both parents. Or that the child needs the resources and money that the father makes. They deem that life will be more secure financially and in consistency.
However, domestic violence in and of itself means inconsistent love and an inconsistent life for a child. Living with a parent with hair-trigger rage who cannot get past their own shame-rage spiral, usually results in anxiety for the child.
Parental alienation ("talking bad" about their other child's parent) is also extremely common for abusers who have personality disorders. Not only that, but abusers often require their children to choose one parent or the other (they demand loyalty) - increasingly illegal. In areas of the country where it is still being tolerated it means that the abusive parent will be tempted to punish their own child for feeling safer with their other parent, denying them love, resources, good intentions and belonging. In other words, if a woman stays with an abusive partner, it can also mean child abuse down the road.
So, I am glad that the series went in the direction of Alex having the forethought to know that leaving her abuser was also a pre-emptive way of protecting her child from inevitable child abuse.
However, domestic violence in and of itself means inconsistent love and an inconsistent life for a child. Living with a parent with hair-trigger rage who cannot get past their own shame-rage spiral, usually results in anxiety for the child.
Parental alienation ("talking bad" about their other child's parent) is also extremely common for abusers who have personality disorders. Not only that, but abusers often require their children to choose one parent or the other (they demand loyalty) - increasingly illegal. In areas of the country where it is still being tolerated it means that the abusive parent will be tempted to punish their own child for feeling safer with their other parent, denying them love, resources, good intentions and belonging. In other words, if a woman stays with an abusive partner, it can also mean child abuse down the road.
So, I am glad that the series went in the direction of Alex having the forethought to know that leaving her abuser was also a pre-emptive way of protecting her child from inevitable child abuse.
This is one of the most realistic portrayals of emotional abuse I have seen yet. It explores the family background where abuse and victimization tend to be multigenerational. It explores how a woman can become entrapped by an abuser. It explores how a child can be traumatized in the same multi-generational way. It explores why it is necessary to protect the next generation from generational abuse. It explores the bureaucracies of homelessness, poverty and domestic violence victims. It explores why some women go back to their abusers. It explores attitudes of the rich towards maids, servants and women who are having challenges (and unaware that they may be brilliant writers, and will reach heights in their profession that the wealthy clients will never reach). It explores the personal life of clients. It explores how society's attitudes are changing. It shows how abuse escalates (and it does).
And amidst all of that, the story-telling is often creative, showing how the main character is feeling through visual illustrations, which make it an artsy film, not just a depiction of someone's life.
It helps that the author lived a life like this.
I think most women who have been in an abusive relationship will be able to relate to this series. Thus, I am giving it five stars.
And amidst all of that, the story-telling is often creative, showing how the main character is feeling through visual illustrations, which make it an artsy film, not just a depiction of someone's life.
It helps that the author lived a life like this.
I think most women who have been in an abusive relationship will be able to relate to this series. Thus, I am giving it five stars.
FURTHER READING
Watch the Series on Netflix
Maid (miniseries) - Wikipedia
Heartbreaking Netflix series 'Maid' is based on the true story of this single mom (The popular Netflix series 'Maid' is based on the true story of author Stephanie Land.) - by Emily Karp for Today
She has a bestseller and hit Netflix series. But Stephanie Land’s ‘Maid’ isn’t just about being a ‘palatable poor person' - by Margaret Wappler for Los Angeles Times
Stephanie Land - Wikipedia
I spent 2 years cleaning houses. What I saw makes me never want to be rich. - by Stephanie Land for Vox
The Class Politics of Decluttering - by Stephanie Land for The New York Times
Maid (miniseries) - Wikipedia
Heartbreaking Netflix series 'Maid' is based on the true story of this single mom (The popular Netflix series 'Maid' is based on the true story of author Stephanie Land.) - by Emily Karp for Today
She has a bestseller and hit Netflix series. But Stephanie Land’s ‘Maid’ isn’t just about being a ‘palatable poor person' - by Margaret Wappler for Los Angeles Times
Stephanie Land - Wikipedia
I spent 2 years cleaning houses. What I saw makes me never want to be rich. - by Stephanie Land for Vox
The Class Politics of Decluttering - by Stephanie Land for The New York Times
Maid - Rotten Tomatoes - reviews of the series
‘Maid’, Becoming Netflix’s Biggest Limited-Series, Is A Must-See - by Sheena Scott for Forbes
‘Maid’, Becoming Netflix’s Biggest Limited-Series, Is A Must-See - by Sheena Scott for Forbes
Where Maid Misses the Mark (Netflix’s breakout hit is a tough tale of economic desperation and domestic abuse, but there’s one place it’s hopelessly idealized.) - by Elizabeth Skoski for Slate
Maid: the bleak humour of Netflix’s hit show rings true to victims – and that’s not all it gets right (As a survivor of domestic violence, Alex O’Sullivan saw a lot of herself in the series. She hopes the funny side of it brings more viewers in) - by Alex O'Sullivan for The Guardian
'Maid' is an unflinching portrait of a single mom's will to survive - by David Bianculli for NPR
Netflix’s ‘Maid’ shows what every mother wants - by Sophia Martenson for Angelus News
Margaret Qualley on Starring With Her Mom in ‘Maid,’ and the Tender Moment Where They Almost Broke Character - by Michael Schneider for Variety
Netflix’s Maid – A Horror Show Where the Monster Is Poverty (Dept. of Poverty and Ponies): T.V. reviews - by Iain McNally for Goggler
15 Shows Like 'Maid' to Watch Next If You Loved Netflix's Acclaimed Drama (For some social commentary and raw emotion at its best.) - by Imaobong Ifum for Collider
Margaret Qualley on Starring With Her Mom in ‘Maid,’ and the Tender Moment Where They Almost Broke Character - by Michael Schneider for Variety
Netflix’s Maid – A Horror Show Where the Monster Is Poverty (Dept. of Poverty and Ponies): T.V. reviews - by Iain McNally for Goggler
15 Shows Like 'Maid' to Watch Next If You Loved Netflix's Acclaimed Drama (For some social commentary and raw emotion at its best.) - by Imaobong Ifum for Collider
VIDEOS:
(note, you can click on the videos to be taken right to you Tube too)
"MAID | Official Trailer | Netflix":
"Andie MacDowell's Daughter Suggested Her For A Role In 'Maid' On Netflix":
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert:
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert:
"Author Who Inspired “Maid” on Netflix on How She Survived Poverty and Abuse"
Amanpour and Company:
Amanpour and Company:
"Author of 'Maid' talks book and new Netflix show - New Day NW"
King 5:
King 5:
"Stephanie Land: MAID"
by The Book Report Network:
by The Book Report Network:
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