This is 9 year old Melina Galanis Frattolin
There was an Amber alert out on her disappearance, but she was found dead in Ticonderoga
just 14 hours after the alert was dispensed.
Heartbreaking.
The police of Warren County, NY, will be putting out a statement on Monday, 7/21.
(photo from the Times Union and other publications circulating)
At around one forty five AM, my husband and I awoke to an Amber Alert that nine year old Melina Galanis Frattolin was abducted and last seen in a white van near exit 22 of I-87 near Lake George, NY.
Allegedly she was at a rest stop travelling south with her family and pulled into a white van by a stranger.
I don't know if that's true, but if it is, it would be just one more rest stop incidence involving a crime. Rest stops can be dangerous places because they are on super highways without any monitoring, and safety concerns are up to each motorist. For criminals, a super highway provides a quick get-away. For sadistic human predators it gives them more chances than most places to abduct the most vulnerable and innocent and get away fast from detection, consequences or, in some cases, being followed.
When I hear Amber Alerts on my phone, I am often reminded of the saying "Obey your elders." In this kind of situation, it's absolutely nuts to do so as "the elder" is an abductor. At the very least, it can be detrimental to one's own internal alert systems (dismantling your own intuition to follow an elder's orders).
There are so many situations where it's just not wise to "go along to get along" with people who insist on obeying elders. I think we've all been around elders who didn't have our best interests at heart or were exploitive, or who were too self centered to listen to what we had to say even when we were hurt or it concerned a dire issue, or were too selfish to acknowledge that we had needs too, or were too gossipy and bullying for us to want to talk to them, or were too distracted with work or addictions to give us any relevant feedback, or were trying to seduce us in some way whether to their way of thinking or way of life, or to their fantasies, or their way of having control over us, or through trying to get us to do something we should not do.
Being exposed to a lot of elders who are mean, or chronically rageful, or predatory, or exploitive, or liars, or jealous, or who try to force situations or relationships on us that are abusive or unsafe, or who have very little empathy can make some of us rebellious, or at least "not into listening to elders" in our childhood, and make us either too suspicious, or on the flip side, too trauma-bonded to adults, or too independent to take adults seriously - like trying to make adult decisions when we are 12 because we have parents who don't care about us either.
And by the way, scapegoats of narcissistic and psychopathic families can fall into any of these categories. Sometimes your best safety plan when you are a child and you are trying to find a way to keep safe, and your parents are narcissists or psychopaths and don't care about you, is to either be adult-like, or a scrapper where you find resources, food or love other than from your family, or you get care and safety from other parents or adults, or find that being total sycophant, even when you have drastically different thoughts of your own, seems to be the only way to keep from being abused. However in scapegoating families, the role of sycophant most often goes to the over-valued, over-rewarded golden child and not to a scapegoat, to the point where sycophancy is not even accepted by a scapegoat.
Anyway, I went to Google Search and Google AI with why "obey your elders" can be dangerous, and this is what came up for the Google AI part of it (you can read all of the search results yourself ; the Google AI answer is written in dark red):
Dangers of unquestioning obedience to elders
While respect for elders is generally seen as a positive value, the notion of blindly "obeying" them can be dangerous and detrimental to an individual's development and well-being. Here's why:
1. Hinders critical thinking and independent decision-making
Unquestioning obedience stifles the development of crucial critical thinking and independent decision-making skills in children and young adults.
It encourages individuals to passively accept information and instructions, rather than engaging in thoughtful evaluation, which can hinder intellectual growth and make them susceptible to manipulation.
2. Potential for manipulation and exploitation
Dangerous individuals, including elders, can exploit children and young people who have been taught to obey without question.
Such individuals may struggle to identify and resist harmful requests or situations, potentially leading to abuse or exploitation, according to Parents.
3. Risk of perpetuating harmful practices or beliefs
Blindly adhering to the advice or directives of elders without critical evaluation can lead to the continuation of outdated, harmful, or unethical practices and beliefs within families or communities.
It can impede progress and limit opportunities for individuals and society to adapt to changing times and values.
4. Emotional and psychological harm
In some cases, demanding unquestioning obedience can be emotionally or psychologically harmful, especially if elders engage in abusive, manipulative, or controlling behaviors.
Being forced to comply with unreasonable demands can lead to feelings of resentment, fear, anxiety, and a diminished sense of self-worth.
5. Prevents individuals from setting healthy boundaries
Unquestioning obedience can make it difficult for individuals to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in their relationships with elders or other authority figures.
It can lead to sacrificing personal values, needs, and well-being for the sake of conforming to others' expectations.
Instead of unquestioning obedience, fostering an environment that encourages respectful communication, critical thinking, independent decision-making, and healthy boundary setting is crucial for the positive development of individuals and the establishment of healthy relationships between generations.
That is a pretty good explanation for why this phrase should be out-dated and sent into the history of stupid phrases that need to be replaced by something a lot more mindful. And while we are at it, The Silent Generation's phrase that "children should be seen and not heard" belongs in that same category (it sounds like a narcissist made up that phrase to promote child neglect, silencing of a younger generation, including silent treatments, invalidations, physical abuse and "know-it-all" behaviors thrust on a younger generation), which in turn created a huge generation gap between The Silent Generation and The Baby Boomer Generation, many of whom adopted the motto, "Never trust anyone over thirty years old!".
The end result was that the "silencer" part of the silent generation and the "need to talk to someone else other than my parents" part of the baby boomer generation seemed to be estranged in the sense that neither generation heard each other out on anything of much substance:
"I can't talk to my old man. He's so sure of himself and he's terrible at listening. Every time I have something to talk about, he talks over me as though he has all of the answers. And he tells me to cut my hair as if a prejudice about long hair and the music we listen to is the real rift. He lives in a suburban fantasy that a lawn has to have no weeds in order for it to be acceptable. I'm not going to live that life. Boring and pointless. And he keeps saying, 'Obey your elders.' No thanks!"
"I can't talk to my son. So headstrong! He thinks having long hair and studying religious philosophy is going to get great results for him in life! He lives in a flower power fantasy about peace and love. This world has never been about peace and love! It's always been a dog-eat-dog world, full of wars and competition! And as soon as he realizes that, there's nothing to talk to him about. He can't respect the wise adage, "Obey your elders". He's determined to find out everything on his own. I can shout from tall buildings, and it's not making a difference! When he's poor enough and comes crawling back, maybe he'll understand I'm right, but until then, even grown children should 'only be seen and not heard'. I say, 'Good luck, son! You'll need lots of it!"
And that's the problem with "Obey your elders" too. Not only does it promote arrogance by elders, an entitlement to "be obeyed", elder exploitations of a younger generation ("obey means you have to be my slave, or at least take a back seat to my importance and status because I'm in charge - still!"), and it gets carried way past childhood. Try past their adult child's 50th or 60th birthday even.
No child who is an adult has to, or wants to, obey a parent or anyone else (unless they ask for it), when they are finding their own way in their twenties and thirties, settled down into their own routines and decisions in their forties and fifties, and getting Medicare and a Social Security check in their sixties, seventies and eighties.
I think you can see how crazy "Obey your elders" can get, and especially when it is so self serving of the parent(s) or anyone else. And besides, very few grown up children are going to respect it.
The worst part of "Obey your elders" is that it is also taken seriously and used ad nauseum by child abductors and child sex offenders. They'll use anything, and this phrase has a lot of power to it and is so commonly used throughout society that an underage child is more likely to go along with it than reject it:
* "Didn't your parents or teachers ever tell you to obey your elders?"
* "Why wouldn't you trust me when everyone knows you should obey your elders?"
* "My van is white. That's the color of angels, God and clouds. What could possibly go wrong with riding in a magic van like that? Didn't your parents or teachers ever tell you to respect God and obey your elders?"
* "But your parents and everyone else told you to obey your elders. Why struggle to get away when most children accept that's the way it is?"
* "You don't know anything at your age. When you're my age, you know everything, and you need to know how to obey your elders so that you too can figure it out some day."
It takes on a chilling meaning when you look at it as the "child abductor's way" of getting victims.
Instead of thoughtless memes like this, perhaps teaching children self defense, giving them a tiny tracking device somewhere on their clothes, or part of a plastic ring on their finger when they are traveling would be a better solution.
I hope Melina will be found. I will re-visit this story for the latest updates. And I hope all of you will remember her picture in case you see her. Here she is again (I show her in a close up version of the picture above):
Melina Galanis Frattolin
