(edited)
So, before you shame the next victim of narcissistic abuse for divorcing their spouse, or for a child who prefers to be estranged from a parent or sibling, or for letting a rift come between two best friends, consider that the reason may be that one of them has many or all of the traits of Narcissistic Personality Disorder and that this narcissist is actually on a campaign to hurt the person they claim to love.
And if they do have this personality disorder, plus some power over you, and they have hurt you once, and continued to try to hurt you, consider that narcissistic traits in the "hurter" might be the culprit.
Some reasons why narcissists want to hurt other people, and why they go on retaliation and revenge binges:
* when they feel hurt over your complaints or criticisms about them, or in situations they manage
They take complaints and criticisms as insults to their ego, an ego they feel must be worshipped, not found to be at fault. When dealing with others' complaints and criticisms, narcissists rage. They feel disappointed in the messenger of those complaints and criticisms. For covert narcissists and malignant narcissists, they most often want to seek revenge.
Take note however: most narcissists believe that you have no right to complain about or criticize them because they put themselves in higher status and value than others, whereas they criticize other people in extreme ways: insults, degrading comments, false narratives, smear campaigns with only a little truth, fantasy scenes which make you seem to be the instigator.
They call on others to have a bad opinion of you even if they don't know you, calling on others to hurt you.
In fact, they try to out-do you in extreme ways with complaints and criticisms, as well as take on aggressive behaviors.
This shows a number of things:
-first: that they have narcissistic traits, and maybe even the whole personality disorder, and possibly even other personality disorders too, especially if the revenge is so extreme that you wonder when they'll be done, or they use sabotage, crimes, physical abuse, and physical injury or attempted murder to make their point, the sign of either malignant narcissism or psychopathy.
-second: entitlement. Narcissists feel entitled to hurt you, but that you aren't entitled to walk away from them because of the hurt they caused. They also believe you are not entitled to defend yourself against their attacks, or to call the police if a crime that they instigate or get someone else to instigate against you seems connected to them, or to live happily ever after without them. They can't stand any of these, so there is a great resentment against others' boundaries.
-third: boundaries. They believe they are so special that they have a right to traverse and crash everyone's boundaries. This includes emotional, mental and often physical boundaries. It also includes a right to interrogate you, or demean you.
If they are home invading, stealing, stalking, trespassing, and sabotaging, this points more towards Antisocial Personality Disorder or Malignant Narcissism.
* when they feel slighted when you don't invite them to important events in your life, or to a party, and believe it means they have a right to seek revenge over it
Narcissists feel too important to be taken for granted, forgotten about, overlooked, or to be unwanted company.
They assume they control others more than they actually do (they even think they control others' thoughts and opinions), that they are always the most important person in the room, that people always listen with baited breath to what they have to say while disregarding what others have to say, that others will always be careful not to step on their ego ("walking on eggshells"), that they "own" the event to which they are invited to some degree. They are not at events to get to know others except in gleaning information on how much influence they, the narcissist, can insert into conversations. This is one way they find both new narcissistic supply and new victims.
Since "not being invited" is a bruise to their ego, their highly crafted "perfect persona", and sense of importance, entitlement and grandiose visions of themselves, they tend to get hurt and retaliate.
They may do a tit-for-tat and stop inviting you to their events too, but more likely they will go way beyond that in revenge-seeking.
* when they feel they are losing control and power over you or over the events in your life that they believe they have a right to control
One of the big things narcissists feel they have a right to control are the weddings of their children (and to some extent their grandchildren). This includes the cake, the guest list, the dress or tux, and anything else they can think of. It's the rare narcissist who says, "You can run your wedding any way you want to. If you need my support, I'm here for you." That is so obvious in forums for child abuse survivors.
That is the more well known control they exert, but there are also plenty more.
If you are in a close personal relationship with them, they also feel entitled to control what you say, how you say it, where you go, what you do, what you tell them, who you have relationships with, what career you choose, how you manage your career, how you dress, what you do with your hair, everything. They are even known to try to micro-manage situations they aren't part of and know nothing about.
If you are in a work environment with them, they typically use gossip, tell false narratives to the boss, sabotage your work, take credit for your work and other maneuvers to make sure they are promoted and that you are demoted (or fired). Note: if bosses don't look into situations carefully, they can be taken in by narcissists. If they are adamant that the narcissist is right, then you can't talk them out of it. You can read my post on enablers and flying monkeys in narcissistic abuse to understand the dynamic. The work environment is likely to get more toxic than less toxic if narcissists are promoted.
If they've gained that kind of control over you, and feel they are losing it later on, or if you've come upon a false narrative or two that they've told about you, and you are showing distrust of them over these facts, then they are likely to go on a revenge binge.
They don't like losing power and position, and have to know they are always going to get more power, not less of it, and while rage is certainly part of losing power for them, it's a rare narcissist who won't retaliate too.
* when you aren't walking on eggshells for them
Narcissists feel they are too sensitive, that they need special care and that your duty is to be careful around their super sensitive feelings.
Fine, but they aren't sensitive to other people's feelings by a long shot because of their profound lack of empathy.
This makes it very difficult to be super sensitive to them when they are hammering away at you with such callousness.
When you've had enough, they'll play the victim. The only person they notice who is hurt is them, always and forever, because again, they don't care about your feelings (because of their lack of empathy).
If you don't come rushing to their aid immediately, when they want it, they feel you are a calloused brute who can't toughen up when they hurt you. So they want to hurt you more.
There is so much hypocrisy in these situations that it is hard to turn yourself inside out to address their feelings when most likely, because of their narcissism, they instigated it, they took hurting you to such extremes, they never offered a realistic resolution, and all you want to do is leave.
Their playing the victim in these kinds of situations perhaps nauseates you too.
When you aren't taken in by their being the victim instead of acknowledging that they victimized you, then they start playing the victim in front of others, inserting a lot of false narratives about what happened between the two of you, making sure they turn you into the instigator, making sure they make everything that happened totally your fault, etc. Believe it or not, a lot of narcissists still expect you to save their sorry ass.
When you don't save their ass, they go on a revenge binge.
So let's say they have decided the best way to react to being hurt is to go on a retaliation spree. Where does it end? How much destruction satisfies them? And do they keep wanting to hurt you once they have started?
Yes to all of it.
For part of this answer, I went to Google AI and Google Search. I give you the Google AI answer below in dark red, and you can search through articles through the same link.
There's a saying, "Hurt people hurt people," and it often applies to individuals with narcissistic tendencies. While it might seem counterintuitive to keep hurting someone they've already harmed, several factors contribute to this behavior:
Lack of Empathy and Self-reflection
* Narcissists struggle with empathy, meaning they have a diminished ability to understand or share the feelings of others.
* They may not fully grasp the depth of pain they inflict because their reality is distorted and focused on their own needs and perspectives.
* This lack of self-awareness makes it difficult for them to recognize the impact of their actions or take responsibility for causing harm.
Underlying Insecurities and Fragile Ego
* Despite appearing confident, narcissists harbor deep insecurities and a fragile sense of self.
* To protect their ego, they may employ defense mechanisms like projecting their flaws onto others and blaming them for their own insecurities or past traumas.
* Hurting others can be a way to regulate their own emotions and boost their self-esteem, even if it's temporary.
The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse
* Narcissists may engage in a cycle of abuse that includes love bombing, devaluation, and discard stages, where the victim is idealized, then criticized and put down, and finally cast aside.
* When a narcissist feels challenged or threatened, they may lash out in narcissistic rage, which is characterized by intense anger and a need to regain control.
* This cycle perpetuates as the narcissist struggles to maintain a sense of superiority and control, and may repeat hurtful behaviors to ensure the victim remains under their influence or subservient to them.
Pleasure from seeing others suffer
* Some narcissists, especially those with sadistic or malignant traits, may derive pleasure from the pain and humiliation of others, according to Medium.
* They may see it as a way to prove their own superiority and get the "narcissistic supply" they need to feel good about themselves.
It's important to remember that individuals with narcissistic personality disorder or strong narcissistic traits are operating from a place of deep pain and insecurity. While it's crucial to acknowledge the harm they cause, it's also essential to understand the underlying psychological factors driving their actions.
Note: Most victims of narcissistic abuse tend to downplay the amount of danger they are in (meaning they are usually in much more danger than they realize).
So here are some traits to watch out for to tell whether you are in any danger. The more of these things there are, the more dangerous the person is.
* A need to get negative narcissistic supply from you
Negative narcissistic supply would mean the narcissist is feeding on these emotions from you:
being upset and sad: being upset means, to them, that they have control over your emotions, that if they try to upset you, they will realize they have that kind of power over you. It's another sign to them that they can make a puppet out of you. If you are bothered by them throwing out your clothes, they'll be sure to "up" throwing your clothes away just to upset you, and then play dumb afterwards.
If you are sad, to them it means they have managed to effect you in a negative way. They may do things that upset you more. If you don't like your dog running in the street, they will send your dog out to run in the street and then play dumb afterward. If you don't like ginger cake, they'll buy you a ginger cake especially for your birthday. If talking about a certain subject makes you feel sad and you don't like to re-visit those sad memories, they'll make constant excuses as to why they need to keep bringing it up.
sabotaging you: a lot of negative narcissistic supply comes from sabotaging you. Let's say you get a promotion at work, and they not only do not celebrate the event with you, they also decide to rage at you and start an erroneous argument so that your attention is on them instead of your promotion. They might call your boss up at work and tell them you didn't deserve the promotion because you have serious psychological problems (when you don't). Then they refuse to talk to you for three days.
getting you angry: They provoke you and bait you in ways that they know will get you angry and reactive. Once you become reactive, they tell you that you have serious mental health problems to get that angry at them. Then they tell you the argument was all your fault without taking accountability for provoking and baiting you for a response. This is also a bullying tactic, by the way.
getting you jealous: Again, they provoke you and bait you to get you jealous. They talk about what great sex they had with their ex. They talk about how attractive a woman is at work. If you go to a dance, they spend most of the night dancing with others and keep looking at you to see if you are reacting. In extreme cases they have affairs and flaunt them in your face, but then act surprised, devastated and vengeful when you file for divorce. They can even say things like "You never cared about me to file for divorce!"
controlling the conversation to get negative reactions out of you: blaming you for things you did not do, blaming you for things you did not say, blaming you for thoughts you do not have (called perspecticide). Any actions that show that they do not value you, who you are, what you do, or what you have to say is usually to get a reaction out of you. Stonewalling and silencing you is also one of the ways narcissists try to control what is discussed, when it is discussed, and how it is discussed. If they don't get their own way in this regard every single time, they have a tantrum, and often refuse to talk to you at all.
sending the message that no one cares about you: This usually is a bullying technique meant to make you feel alone and lonely, without support from a single soul, an outcast, a shunned person that no one in the world will accept. Except that it usually comes with false narratives about you, and lots of smear campaigns to get other people doubting you and siding with the narcissist way before they want others to shun you. In other words, it is premeditated, an insurance policy in case you "buck" their control.
Part of why they do this is to get you wanting to get approval from them and the group, especially their brainwashed group. This tends to work in their favor in the short term, but not in the long term. If this is the first time they do this, the negative reaction they want is probably what they will get: you'll feel alone, lonely and shunned.
If they keep doing it, you'll probably figure out it is an obnoxious game they want to play to get you afraid and reacting, and to keep you from seeking other avenues of genuine support, instead of the very tenuous support they show you.
getting reactions out of you where you feel afraid, intimidated, threatened, anxious and/or hunted: This is generally referred to as coercive control. This is the most dangerous of negative narcissistic supply, but I bet it comes with all of the others I have mentioned first or in tandem with it. If it includes sadism too, there is even more danger to it.
Their wanting to get negative narcissistic supply out of you doesn't get better, and can get much worse.
The amount of narcissistic supply they get from others is never enough. They always want more. Now imagine that their main source of narcissistic supply is the negative kind. This means they'll be increasing the amount of hurt they give you, sometimes to the point of sadistic acts.
When therapists tell you that abuse escalates, listen to them. Getting negative narcissistic supply is part of it.
* If there is gang bullying going on, it can be more dangerous than one sole narcissist bullying you because brainwashed fools in numbers tend "not to be smart".
They aren't being smart about what they are doing because they are brainwashed. They have given up any kind of moral convictions in order to please the narcissist. They have also given up on their own independent thoughts to act on the narcissist's behalf.
The dynamic doesn't change because of the number of people involved (and the co-supporters of the bullying will justify each bullying incident)
* When family mobbing becomes dangerous (Google Search and Google AI)
* When the golden child participates in family mobbing (Google Search and Google AI)
* The enabler parent in the narcissistically abusive family - by therapist, Jay Reid (You Tube)
* Dirty Secrets: The Hidden Truth of Family Mobbing and Scapegoat Abuse #scapegoat #toxicfamily - by Rebecca C. Mandeville LMFT Scapegoat Abuse Expert (You Tube)
* An INSIDIOUS type of narcissistic BULLYING - by Dr.Ramani Duvasula (You Tube)
* Family scapegoat, prized, needed and envied | Diane Collins | TEDxFederalHill (You Tube)
* Are family scapegoats sometimes killed? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Signs Your Family is Using You as the SCAPEGOAT - by Psych To Go (You Tube)
* Are authoritarian families more abusive? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Are authoritarian parents more abusive? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Family mobbing and bullying (Google Search and Google AI)
* Friendship mobbing and bullying (Google Search and Google AI)
* Workplace mobbing and bullying (Google Search and Google AI)
* Why are daughters more at risk in family mobbing? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Why do narcissistic mothers hate their daughters? (Google Search and Google AI)
* 10 symptoms of daughters of narcissistic fathers (Google Search and Google AI)
* 10 symptoms of sons of narcissistic fathers (Google Search and Google AI)
* When your father is a malignant narcissist (Google Search and Google AI)
* My family is a narcissistic bully and keeps bothering me. What should I do? - Quora question
* What are the 3 R's to break the cycle of violence? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Domestic Violence (professional definition) - by Martin R. Huecker, Kevin C. King, Gary A. Jordan, William Smock, for University of Loisville, Muhlenberg Community Hospital Greenville, University of Tennessee, National Library of Medicine (professional research paper)
* Signs and Effects of Workplace Bullying - by Sherri Gordon and reviewed by Rachel Goldman, PhD, FTOS for Very Well Mind
* Insults are a sign of danger too.
This means they are devaluing you. When they've devalued you, they don't care what you feel, or how you feel, or how much damage they've done. Not caring about how you feel gives them the entitlement to treat you badly, with even more insults - or at least that is what they tend to think. To them, you've lost their esteem of you.
How insults contribute to violence against others (Google Search and Google AI)
* Arrogance is a sign of danger because it means the narcissist won't really hear you or listen to you because they have the attitude that they know best, that their mind and perspectives are better than yours. So if you want to tell them how you feel, grandiose narcissists will talk over you (not let you get a word in edgewise), covert narcissists will tell you that isn't how you really feel (and lecture you about how you feel something else instead), and malignant narcissists will tend to get angry because they don't want to talk about how you feel (it simply doesn't matter to them at all).
Arrogance tends to contribute to narcissists having confirmation biases and being blind to knowing anyone else other than themselves, so they will not necessarily care if they put you in danger, or someone else does.
How arrogance contributes to violence against others (Google Search and Google AI)
* Controlling behaviors:
Coercive control consists of threats, humiliation and intimidation. Usually there are fear tactics, interrogation tactics, revenge tactics if you are prone to autonomous thoughts and decisions, isolation tactics to keep you from relating to common friends and family, and gaslighting tactics to get you to question your own mind. Coercive control usually goes with domestic violence or precedes it. Therefor it is dangerous.
Managing you as though they are your boss, teacher, or spiritual leader, and trying to keep you from your own autonomous decisions is a common type of coercive control. This means if you have an autonomous thought or ambition you are being talked out of it to take on the controller's perspectives, ways of doing things, thinking style and opinions. Sometimes you might experience revenge or threats from them if you don't "do what you are told to do" or "think the way they want to think" or "feel the way they want you to feel". Usually this kind of action is only for their benefit, not for yours. They also tend to give you negative reinforcement than positive reinforcement to get you back under their control. Negative reinforcement always comes with dangers.
Excerpts:
... Evan Stark, Ph.D., a forensic social worker and author of Coercive Control, estimates between 60% and 80% of female domestic abuse survivors have experienced coercive control beyond physical and emotional abuse. And a brief on the subject by Andrea Silverstone, RSW, executive director of Sagesse Domestic Violence Prevention Society in Canada reports more than 95% of domestic violence victims experience coercive control. ...
... While coercive control can be found in any type of relationship, it’s most common in heterosexual relationships in which the man uses coercive control against the woman. In fact, about one in three women who experience intimate partner violence report being the victim of coercive control as compared with about one in 20 male victims of domestic abuse. Lisa Aronson Fontes, PhD, author of Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship, says she believes this is due to pervasive sexism. ...
... Coercive control may not be explicitly outlawed in every state, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a red flag. In a review of intimate partner homicides in New South Wales, Australia, 100% of cases involved prior coercive control while just over half of offenders had previously been physically violent toward their partners. In other words, violence doesn’t always escalate incrementally. In more than 40% of intimate partner homicides, offenders who had previously used coercive control against their partners killed them with no reports of physical violence in between. ...
* Does coercive control lead to domestic violence (Google Search and Google AI)
* Does coercive control lead to criminal behavior (Google Search and Google AI)
* 9 Signs of a Relationship with a Controlling Partner - by Hilary I. Lebow and medically reviewed by Lori Lawrenz, PsyD for Psych Central
* Recognising the Difference Between Love and Controlling Behaviour in Relationships: Warning Signs - by the administrators of National Legal service Solicitors (UK)
* Why is coercive control illegal? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Why isn't coercive control illegal in many states in the USA? (Google Search and Google AI)
* What do you call someone who wants to control everything? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Do criminals use coercive control? (Google Search and Google AI)
If these minions are brainwashed for a long time, they won't want to hear your side of things.
Isolating is another aspect of Coercive control that can be more obvious than other traits.
* How domestic violence offenders try to isolate their victims (Google Search and Google AI)
* ISOLATION TACTICS – How victims of Domestic Abuse fall into the trap - National Centre for Domestic Violence
* How isolating a victim contributes to victimization (Google Search and Google AI)
* How does isolation lead to victimization? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Emotional abuse in intimate relationships: The role of gender and age - by Günnur Karakurt and Kristin E Silver for Violence Vict., and National Library of Medicine, National Center for Biotechnology, Pub Med Central (professional paper) - section on isolation
* Entitlement can mean they feel entitled to do anything and get away with anything.
How does entitlement figure into domestic violence? (Google Search and Google AI)
Can spoiled children become abusive? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Breaking your property is often a precursor to physical abuse. It is also a type of revenge, and revenge in any close personal relationship is definitely a more serious kind of danger.
Property Damage in the Domestic Violence Context - by D. Kelly Weisberg, UC Hastings College of the Law, for UC Law SF
* Lack of empathy is another danger sign. If they don't care about you, they won't care how things affect you unless they are into negative narcissistic supply and sadism.
Lack of empathy with threatening, menacing behavior? Particularly dangerous.
Lack of empathy in domestic violence offenders (Google Search and Google AI)
* Lack of any regret or accountability for hurting you - more dangerous. A sign of Antisocial Personality Disorder which can co-exist with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Lack of empathy in domestic violence offenders is particularly dangerous.
However, even if they have a habit of apologizing, it doesn't necessarily mean they've reformed. It doesn't necessarily mean they have regrets either. This is especially true if they keep hurting you in the same ways over and over again via a cycle.
* Lack of remorse or regret in Antisocial Personality Disorder - (Google Search and Google AI)
* The Remorse of Abusers
Too much can lead to more abuse. - by Steven Stosny, Ph.D. for The Resilience Center of Houston
* Criminal past, criminal tendencies, or a criminal mindset - even more dangerous. A lot of narcissists will break codes of conduct, like having extra-marital affairs on partners (the partner thinks they are in a monogamous relationship and is shocked to find they are not, for instance), or playing around with damaging gossip, or hiding addictions, or saying "I do" for the fifth time in terms of being faithful in their marriage, and insulting others in institutions like schools that expect polite discourse, but most of narcissists fall just short of committing crimes.
For those narcissists who do commit crimes, there is usually some element of Antisocial Personality Disorder.
The crimes can be taking things that aren't theirs but have no value on the lower end of criminal activity. Murdering you is on the higher end of criminality obviously. The amount of Antisocial Personality Disorder that is mixed in with Narcissistic Personality Disorder depends largely on what they do and say.
A person that cannot take any complaint or criticism without wanting to hurt you in extreme over-reactive ways might be someone high in Antisocial Personality Disorder, especially if they cannot tolerate any kind of autonomous decisions or thoughts from you either.
Micro-managing you in extreme ways so that you are constantly being monitored and told how you are making mistakes, and raging at you about the mistakes you are perceived to make, and punishing and insulting you for your perceived mistakes, especially when you are a full adult, is another trait of Antisocial Personality Disorder.
Sometimes it is hard to tell what criminal deeds they've done until after the fact since narcissists also have a strong need for positive validation from society tend to put hiding their criminal acts first.
The truth can come out as late as when they've been arrested for some other crime in the past, or it comes out in court from the prosecution lawyers that they've committed crimes before and have many victims.
So don't necessarily assume they've never committed crimes.
If they have strong Machiavellian tendencies that can be a sign of a criminal mindset as the focus is mostly on deceit and self serving interests.
A "criminal mindset" can mean they are focused a lot on "getting their own way" in issues where property is joint, or children are joint, or where they make plans to "get" what they want out of a relationship without considering you or your feelings.
A "criminal mindset" is often much more focused on revenge over matters which aren't meant to hurt them. While normal minds can be focused on revenge, it is more episodic and rarely carried out.
A "criminal mindset" is often focused on getting money, material possessions, lying about other people to gain favor, and rewards at the expense of others.
A "criminal mindset" is often focused on getting rid of people or manipulating people to get an unfair advantage over them (power) or to take something from them.
A "criminal mindset" uses an incredible amount of charm, politeness and love bombing in order to gain favor and entry into someone else's life in order to gain something for themselves. They also use it in cases where their real motivations are not easily detected. Most narcissistic criminals are much more charming and affectionate than non-criminals. They act over-familiar, and over-intimate. The love bombing is usually intense, with a lot of flattery, a lot of mirroring of your likes and dislikes, and memes that you later find out were insincere. However, if you're not bowled over by them and their love bombing, or accept them right away (take things slowly), they can be rejecting, snippy, feel insulted and angry - that shows their entitlement. Entitlements is another danger sign.
A "criminal mindset" is also about getting away with things as much as possible.
A criminal mindset is very unlikely to change. If you tell them how you feel, how their actions effect you, the damage their actions have done, or the repercussions in their own life, or with their own family and society at large, they are still not likely to change a bit. These people are "all about themselves and what they want" so much so that they really can't focus on others. They will not have empathy, and they tend to act on impulse when their needs become "overwhelming" to them.
Some of them make elaborate plans "to get the most out of situations that aren't immediately rewarding them". It is who they are, in other words.
They may promise to stop stealing, or stop home invading, or stop dealing drugs, or what ever their specialty is, but overwhelmingly they don't unless they feel that arrest for their crimes and attempted crimes is imminent. They tend to go for more vulnerable victims, victims who are not suspecting or show weakness at being talked into things.
A lot of people describe criminal narcissists and psychopaths as intelligent. However, committing crimes and lying about their intentions is not difficult. The difference is that if we act like they do, we feel sick. If they do it, they don't, and have very little conscience about their actions. They use your empathy and trust to gain access to you, to take from or manipulate you for their own gains. The real word for criminals is "predatory" and "Machiavellian" instead of "intelligent". The latter uses plans and deceit to get what they want, but many criminal plans usually can be detected by law enforcement, especially with technological advancements: DNA, social media and sightings, warning signals, cameras in every city and most businesses, drones and satellites, among other investigative techniques. Thus most criminals do not have "unusual intelligence" to go undeciphered. If you have a sense that something is "not right" about a person, or someone you know has the traits of Antisocial Personality Disorder, never meet with them alone. Crowds are best.
As the enmeshment with the caregiver weakens, either in a slow or fast way depending on the caregiver, the child also takes on more autonomous thinking, doing and planning. Narcissists and narcissists who commit crimes never get to this point. Their minds are still on "how to get from others" and "I'm the most important person in this relationship."
Entitlement to control or take from others can come from having most every need and want met, especially compared to other children in the family - important distinction. As children, budding narcissists probably receive very little explanation for why they can't have everything and anything they want, (i.e. they are not taught "resource lessons") . Many of them are not taught basic lessons like: "Do not take from others," or "Those aren't your toys," or "You aren't entitled to receive more than your sibling."
This is especially true if they are taught by example that they are "special" and deserve more rewards than others (arrogance).
Thus when they believe that they deserve more than others, and also deserve to be "treated special" in terms of "getting", it is this entitlement, often mixed with envy, that drives them to exploit situations and others to "get more". If others show weakness in terms of the exploiter (malignant narcissist) gaining easy access, a trusting person can become a victim.
Children who grow up in narcissistic families are often taught that boundaries are not acceptable when it comes to family members, and this is what can cause them to be victims with people outside of the family too. Boundaries are one of the first steps to becoming safe and autonomous if you are in a narcissistic family. Criminals especially love people who have poor boundaries, poor self defense, poor self esteem, poor knee jerk reactions to being exploited and taken from, and high empathy and trust.
Criminality doesn't preclude doing damage to you in terms of taking your finances, your assets, your mental health, your trust in others, your peace of mind, and your very life. If they've gotten away with a lot of crimes, they can feel especially emboldened to hurt you and take from you again by other means. In other words they like scheming against you because of your vulnerability.
* Can a criminal mindset contribute to domestic violence? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Men are more likely to commit violent crimes. Why is this so and how do we change it? - by Rick Sarre, Andrew Day, Ben Livings, Catia Malvaso for The Conversation, re-published at The University of Melbourne, Australia
* Is domestic violence a violent crime? (Google Search and Google AI) - the answer? - yes, it is.
* Narcissism and criminal behavior (Google Search and Google AI)
* An exploration of the link between narcissism, masochism, and crime in a post-incarcerated sample - by Hannah I. Piros , Amy Bauman and Brendan Clark for Journal of the National Medical Association, Volume 115, Issue 5, October 2023, Pages 488-495, and Science Direct (professional paper)
* Physical abuse? - even more dangerous still.
* Rates of homicide in physical abuse (Google Search and Google AI)
* Danger Assessment - Women'sLaw.org
* Is pushing and shoving assault? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Is shoving someone physical abuse? (Department of Justice USA)
* Is pushing and shoving abuse? (Government of Canada)
* Is throwing objects at you considered an assault? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Is grabbing a hold of you considered assault? (Google Search and Google AI)
* Is spitting on you considered assault? (Google Search and Google AI)
* What to do if a child is punched in the stomach (Google Search and Google AI)
* Child Abuse - Mayo Clinic
* Definition of Domestic Violence (Government of Delaware, USA)
* Abuse Almost Always Escalates
excerts:
... While an abuser may say they “lost control” or “didn’t mean it” when their abuse escalates, that’s not true. Escalation is a choice abusers make when they feel like they’re losing control of the survivor or when they want to send a very clear message—they hold the power in the relationship. ...
* Why would my boyfriend say he loves me but when he gets mad, he says mean things? - Quora question
* RECOMMENDED: How To Know If My Abusive Husband Is Changing – Claire’s Story
* Any assaults to the face, head and neck - especially dangerous - can put you in imminent danger of losing your life, even. Includes slapping your face, digging fingernails, pushing your face, clawing your face or neck, touching your neck in an aggressive way, choking, punching, karate chopping at your head or neck, slamming your face or head into an object, pulling your head, kicking your head, face or neck, jerking your head to one side.
* Assaults to the face head and neck in domestic violence (Google Search and Google AI)
* Is a slap across the face assault? (Google Search and Google AI)
* How dangerous is strangulation? Domestic Violence and Strangulation…4 Facts and 4 Myths - by Sarah Swiston for Wings, Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence
excerpt:
The odds of homicide increase 750% for victims that have been previously strangled by their partner. If an abuser has access to firearms, the odds of female homicide increase by 1,100%.
* Domestic Violence and Traumatic Brain Injury: The Chilling Truth of This Hits Home - American Brain Foundation, American Academy of Neurology
* What are the most common injuries from domestic violence? (Google Search and Google AI) - answer: head, neck and face
* Domestic violence, assaults to the head (Google Search and Google AI)
* Understanding Domestic Violence as a Cause of TBI - Brain Injury Association of America
* What to do after getting hit in the head? (Google Search and Google AI)
When you are in danger, often a number of these things are at play. Whether it's two of them or ten of them, it's still dangerous. Yes, some of them are more dangerous than others. But when I visit forums for battered women, most of them are surprised that their so-called lover was that violent, was that calloused about how the violence was effecting his victim(s), was that blind as to how "at fault" he was.
Most of these women are surprised that they ended up in the hospital with severe injuries that needed in-patient care. In other words, they didn't see it coming. And for a lot of them, only verbal abuse, or emotional abuse precluded this kind of violence.
Verbal abuse and emotional abuse are not to be taken for granted.
excerpt:
Narcissists = REVENGE-Seekers - Dr. Rhoberta Shaler for Help for Toxic Relationships (You Tube)
