Documentary Review: Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich (with a discussion about narcissism and how narcissism effected the victims)

Please note: the story with links and dates continues after the original post:

According to Wikipedia,
"Filthy Rich" is an American web documentary television miniseries about convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. The miniseries is based on the 2016 book of the same name by James Patterson, and co-written by John Connolly and Tim Malloy. Filthy Rich was released on May 27, 2020. The four-part documentary features interviews with several survivors including Virginia Giuffre and Maria Farmer, along with former staff members and former police chief Michael Reiter, a key individual from the first criminal case against Epstein.
   Filthy Rich tells a stories of the survivors of Jeffrey Epstein, and how he used his wealth and power to commit these crimes.

In this review, I talk about the impact of narcissism and the trauma from abuse at play in this case, and as usual, I follow the article with reading sources and some videos on the subject. 

Since this criminal case is still unfolding with the arrest of Jeffrey Epstein's alleged Madame, Ghislaine Maxwell, I will be adding to the story as new information emerges. 

Jeffrey Epstein: Filthy Rich is a documentary in four parts, and it is well worth seeing. 

For one, it is a shocking documentary, so shocking, in fact, that a couple of nations around the world are paying attention to it because it portrays the dark underbelly of under-age sex crimes in the USA and abroad and how many prominent leaders in various governments allegedly took advantage of under-age girls. 

Many of the incidences happened before The Child Victims Act, and have followed a trend of investigations into the lives of high profile sex offenders, starting with Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby. With The Child Victims Act and help from the "Me Too" movement, the statute of limitations lengthened so that children-of-the-sex-trade could sue their offenders not just when they were 18, and still a teenager, but much later. The nation started taking the sexual abuse of minors more seriously too after the outcry. 

It also shows that incarcerating sex abuse offenders helps victims to heal (in the way of keeping safe from predators and in the way of keeping safe from the retaliation from predators too, who, as a rule, want to hurt victims for "telling" -- safety is a major part of healing), and keeps the society safe from the ballooning of sexual predator-ships, more victims, and more wealthy men thinking they can side-step laws. It also keeps the nation from normalizing the sexual abuse of minors. 

Because of the media attention, and the public displays of officials sympathizing with the victims, this has a powerful effect on other victims who want to come forward and get some protection, even from men who seem incredibly frightening because they seem so "all powerful" and "all admirable" to so many others around them. 

Being a victim in a crowd of powerful men who pat each other on the back in a love-fest way is a lonely life for that victim. Many victims report that they also feel shamed about being afraid, for being angry at the perpetrators, for being traumatized by what these perpetrators do to them, and for not admiring these men when public opinion says that they should be admiring them for the money they throw around at charities, political parties, liberal causes, education, elaborate pool parties, and vacations for politicians and presidents. The truth of who these men are can make you feel deeply depressed too, because if internationally esteemed men can molest an underage girl and get away with it without being detected, who else can? And it is especially lonely when men like this say things like "Those victims are all liars! I never recall ... I can't fathom ... I never saw her in my life! ... I will have my press secretary handle this ... I would never! ... I could never! ... I believe in liberal causes and don't condone the sexual abuse of minors ... I assumed the kid with braces on her teeth, no make-up and in a unicorn sweatshirt was an adult ... " and so on. 

My own real life experience with abusers is that most of them give to charity and pretend that they are die hard liberals. I think their fake liberalism is there to hide the fact that they are brutal, cruel, dictatorial, black-mailing, do not care how they effect others, do not particularly care about the truth either, and are not particularly upstanding or care about the causes they espouse. They are hypocrites through and through, espousing Women's Rights but being cruel to women, against sexual abuse of minors and sign some negligible bills for victims. They don't stop abuse, or call on men who engage in sex with minors. They especially don't when those men are powerful or wealthy. 

In terms of the perpetrators themselves, they abuse power; they are concerned only with power, and in keeping their image clean to gain more power (thus victim-shaming and throwing a tiny bone now and then to liberal causes which are contrary to how they act), in order that they may keep revolving around and around in powerful circles and getting a pass on suspect agendas. The pats on the back from other elites tell them they are winning this game (abusers love flattery as it keeps them going with their lies and abominable behavior with comfort and ease). 

Which is to say if you are an underground investigator, keep flattering these creeps over and over to get to the dirt on them, something that requires a lot of in-authenticity on your part, but it may be necessary to fight fire with fire for the good of the nation and to keep its population from being victims. Flattery is exactly the thing that takes them off guard. 

Dr. Todd Grande in this video, titled "Jeffrey Epstein Analysis | Was He Murdered? | Mental Health & Personality", states that Jeffrey Epstein displays all of the criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Dr. Grande does not go further than that except to say that Epstein could be classified as having Ephebophilia in addition to Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Because of his sexual exploitation of young women, most of whom were teenagers, and some only 14 at the time that the assaults took place, Epstein easily has traits of the Malignant Narcissist as well. 

But Epstein also gave a lot of money away to charities and he had an almost-commune of co-conspirators, so he could also have a few traits of Communal Narcissism.

What is disturbing about his empire of coercive sex with underage girls, is how normalized it was for his co-conspirators, workers, girlfriend, and even his many visitors. His visitors allegedly included former president Bill Clinton (who has been known for his affair and sex scandal with 22 year old Monica Lewinsky when he was 49 years old, and was allegedly seen on Jeffrey Epstein's island with some of Epstein's victims), president Donald Trump (who allegedly took trips with Epstein a number of times and bragged that Epstein liked beautiful women too, albeit young ones), Prince Andrew who has largely fallen in terms of public opinion for his interview with the BBC concerning one of Epstein's victims, and many other very high profile men. 

So many of these men have denied they had ties to Epstein or were in with Epstein's crowd where workers and victims saw them (they are even in photos). We are used to a culture of lying, cover-ups, false narratives ("I NEVER met this person in my entire life!"), and blame-shifting culpability on to victims in this culture. We are used to ignoring victims and cries for justice, and either ignoring or condoning narcissism and narcissistic tactics.

Epstein allegedly had pin hole spy cameras throughout each room in his residences as well as the grounds which tied into recording equipment in another "secret room", and once bragged he had a lot of dirt on a lot of powerful men. One of the reasons for gathering so much dirt is to use it as blackmail to assure his safety ("get me out of prison or I will spill the beans"). However, this does not always equate to these types of men keeping him safe (it is speculated that Epstein was murdered in prison, a prison he was being kept in before his trial).

This was something I found in Wikidepia about the cameras:

   Epstein installed concealed cameras in numerous places on his properties to allegedly record sexual activity with underage girls by prominent people for criminal purposes, such as blackmail.[81] Ghislaine Maxwell, Epstein's close companion, told a friend that Epstein's private island in the Virgin Islands was completely wired for video and the friend believed that Maxwell and Epstein were videotaping everyone on the island as an insurance policy.[82] When police raided his Palm Beach residence in 2006 two hidden pinhole cameras were discovered in his home.[83] It was also reported that Epstein's mansion in New York was wired extensively with a video surveillance system.[84]
   Maria Farmer, an artist who worked for Epstein in 1996, noted that Epstein showed her a media room in the New York mansion where there were individuals monitoring the pinhole cameras throughout the house. The media room was accessed through a hidden door. She stated that in the media room "there were men sitting here. And I looked on the cameras, and I saw toilet, toilet, bed, bed, toilet, bed." She added that "It was very obvious that they were, like, monitoring private moments."[85]
   Epstein allegedly "lent" girls to powerful people to ingratiate himself with them and also to gain possible blackmail information.[86] According to the Department of Justice, he kept compact discs locked in his safe in his New York mansion with handwritten labels that included the description: "young [name] + [name]".[87] Epstein partially confirmed that he had blackmail material when he told a New York Times reporter in 2018, off the record, that he had dirt on powerful people, including information about their sexual proclivities and recreational drug use.[88]

According to this NBC News article, "New Jeffrey Epstein accuser: He raped me when I was 15 (Jennifer Araoz says she was recruited outside her New York City high school to provide sexual massages to the wealthy financier)" (by Sarah Fitzpatrick, Savannah Guthrie and Rich Schapiro), Jeffrey Epstein's victim, Jennifer Araoz, was raped by Epstein at age 15, and according to Araoz's mother had severe anxiety after the incident:

"I was really scared," the mother said. "She was so anxious but I couldn't figure out why. The anxiety got so bad that she couldn't function and I urged her to go to a doctor."

It furthers the suspicion that Araoz may have PTSD later in the article:

Araoz is now a makeup artist living not far from her childhood home in Queens. She said she's still grappling with the emotional damage of her teenage encounters with Epstein. "He took something from me that can never be repaired, never made whole," Araoz said.

Anyone who has had PTSD knows that this is what it looks like. The anxiety levels go up and in many instances you can't function because anxiety interferes with sleep. Lack of sleep and a hyper-alert state is what you experience when you have PTSD, and in many instances you experience headaches, muscle aches and gastrointestinal issues as well. Having your mind and body in "fight or flight" mode all of the time, racked with muscle aches (the anxiety will create tense muscles), headaches (headaches come from both the anxiety and lack of sleep), stomach issues (stomach issues come from stress, which manifest in different ways: panic meaning you will not be eating much, anxiety manifesting as stomach aches or tense sore muscles in the abdominal area, nausea manifesting when the "flight response" is activated) all add up to a mind/body system which will eventually mean dysfunction.

When you have a lot of dysfunctional victims, you also have a dysfunctional society. Not only are the victims acting in a dysfunctional way, but the perpetrators act in a dysfunctional way by committing crimes, using leisure for nefarious ends and narcissistic pastimes, by frittering away their former contributions to good causes by paying to keep out of jail instead. Instead of charity, the money goes to a money-soaking high powered legal team, the criminal justice system, the guards, and so on. It can waste at least two lives (and in some ways it ends up wasting many, many others because perpetrators want many victims, not just one or two).  

Psychologists know that roughly 88 percent of teenagers who are sexually assaulted or raped, aged 14 - 17, will experience full blown PTSD as a result of these experiences. They are also more likely to be raped than adult women. And it is more likely the trauma will live with them for a long time (sometimes a life time because of the age they were when they experienced the trauma). 

When perpetrators rape children and teenagers, they are not concerned with how it it is effecting their victims short term or long term. Even if you told a perpetrator that abuse can cause PTSD in victims, and that sexual abuse has a high rate of PTSD for its victims, it would probably not matter to them. They also might view it as an insult (which I explain later in this post).

In fact, some of them get sadistic pleasure that their victims may be traumatized for life (kind of like livestock branding, a scar on the body and psyche that may never go away - and especially if the teenagers are virgins which many of them were). The perpetrator can get narcissistic supply from them in terms of having brandished a virgin and had enough influence on her that the effects last for years, decades, or a life time. He is someone who she will never forget, and he will live in her mind, especially in terms of fear. People who behave this way are obviously sick, but this is what happens with a lot of narcissists who don't feel validated or credited enough for their liking: they think they will make a bigger impact by going to the dark side.

The problem becomes: when is the amount of trauma in their victims enough for their perpetrators? The answer is: it is never quite enough for any perpetrator unless they can procure, what they deem, a better source of narcissistic supply while discarding (deeming worthless) their victim, and forgetting about their former victim enough to release them. If they don't have a new supply source, or even very many supply sources, they tend to escalate abuse to such an extent that victims feel there is no place to turn.

The only way for many victims to heal is to get "un-traumatized enough" to protect themselves from further abuse: talking to someone they trust (often hard to find in situations like this, especially the girls taken to the private island), leaving, disappearing from view, calling police, calling a therapist, getting orders of protection, and so on.

That's why the gaslighting maneuver and love bombing (with flattery) is so popular among narcissists. Without it, they cannot convince victims that abuse is "good for them and should be considered as reasonable." In this case, he would have to convince his victims that sex between a man in his 60s and an adolescent who is 15 is so normal that they need to stick around to be rewarded, be willing to serve and to prove they are "good and saintly" girls, i.e. docile and agreeable at all times to command, and to "learn a lesson." Narcissists are all about the arrogance of teaching lessons, and teaching how to do sex was Epstein's self proclaimed "call of duty", allegedly with Maxwell's prompting. Those lessons are usually given to people younger than themselves, and they make those lessons sound benevolent on the surface, but they are almost always traumatizing to their victims and do a great deal of harm.

All of it is the hallmark of the kind of lack of empathy we see in Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and particularly Malignant Narcissism). What is more, because of the sadism (desire to hurt or increase the trauma), the victim predictably reacts by becoming more traumatized, which include mental, emotional and physical symptoms.

When victims of narcissists scream, "Stop! You are hurting me!" narcissists do not stop. Lack of empathy coupled with an insistence of having their desires met is why. When they are malignant narcissists, the sadism will mean they want to increase the pain and abuse, never to lessen it. Malignant narcissists are very vindictive, and sometimes "Stop! You are hurting me!" means that they take it as a criticism of them, their style of dealing with you, their style of teaching you, and their style of controlling you (which they try to teach you is this wonderful superior style compared to how others treat you). What do narcissists do when they feel criticized? They go into a rage and if they have dark triad traits (Antisocial Personality Disorder mixed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder), they often want to punish you more and more and make you pay for criticizing them and for not seeing them as the grandiose, omnipotent, powerful and in the right (authoritarian) kind of people they see themselves as being. So "Stop! You are hurting me!" can, to them, mean you are criticizing them.

So the victimization, abuse and sadism increase. And often the number of victims increase too, depending on their age and the status of their health.

The high majority of rapists and sex offenders have more than one victim, and most have many, many victims.

Not all malignant narcissists are sex offenders, but most malignant narcissists go about in the world as if they are above societal rules, regulations and norms, and feel they have a right to because they feel they are "naturally" endowed with superiority, rights and entitlements that the rest of us do not have. They are "rebellious" but expect their victims to be docile (never to rebel, never "to tell", never to go against what the narcissist wants).

When they get "sweetheart deals" as Epstein did when convicted and sentenced in Florida, these kinds of perpetrators would be even more inclined to believe they are "special", "deserve special treatment", and that they can get away with behavior that the rest of us would be held accountable for.

Predictably, Epstein chose the most vulnerable teenagers to victimize too: children from broken homes, children from poverty, children with low self esteem, and children with alcoholic or substance addicted parents.

I'm not sure what happened to these victims afterward, but many victims of childhood sexual abuse are often picked by other abusers. Abusers like traumatized victims because they count on the vulnerability (seen as "weakness" by them) to use for more perpetration of abuse and control.

This is how a nation becomes narcissistic, oligarchic, uncaring and corrupt too.

On a national level, narcissism starts creeping in when wealthy leaders try to brainwash and pay for the brainwashing of the public: that the people's pain or poverty or lack of protections is their own fault. Blame-shifting is a narcissistic trait. It has also become a national trait and an incredibly common event in political speeches. Almost every sentence uttered these days from people who have the most power in the country has the blame-shifting maneuver in it, and is embedded in new policies, pronouncements, commands, excuses and defenses.

Some people experience constant blame-shifting as confusion and cognitive dissonance.

People who know better or have lived through situations that were abusive, unlawful, or where they were disenfranchised in some manner, find it annoying or downright provoking.

However, for this period of time, narcissism is winning out in terms of the number of cases (the survey often comes from victims being treated for abuse because narcissists do not generally seek treatment for their behavior). It is also winning out in terms of a culture "in love with narcissism" (the money, the power, the girls, even if they are under-aged, the hedonism, the un-accountability, the every-man-for-himself mentality, and the move away from "a polite society" and "investigative journalism").

When we look at people like Jeffrey Epstein and all of the powerful and rich friends he could talk into breaking the law, that is a perfect case of how narcissism is worshiped, over-looked, coddled and hopelessly accepted in the nation. 

In Dr. Todd Grande's video (which I also feature below along with some of the other "characters" involved in this scandal, I transcribed some of his words for the sake of those readers who like to absorb the word without the visual distractions, style of speech (if you are outside the USA), and wondering what word may have been uttered. Here is some of the transcript (when there is "..." it means I left out some information in favor of brevity, and some time signatures are in for the sake of finding them on the video, i.e. (18:30)).

Dr. Todd Grande's words:

... So essentially, Epstein was a con-man who used his ability to manipulate and exploit victims in a number of ways. Epstein had offended against at least 36 different females during his criminal career; the vast majority were underage ...
My note here: some victims who have come forward have said the number of victims was actually over sixty.

... This is a profile of an extremely dangerous offender, someone who has superficial charm, shallow affect, lack of empathy, but is not necessarily impulsive or irresponsible outside the criminal acts ... 
  
... like many primary psychopaths, he didn't start with offending until he was in a situation where the risk was reduced. So for the most part, he waited until he had money and power that could protect him.
   Primary psychopaths make a calculation (risk versus reward) unlike secondary psychopaths. 
   Now, looking at Narcissistic Personality Disorder, there is evidence supporting all nine symptoms, but two really stand out here: fantasies of power and success and wealth. Not only did he have those fantasies, but he was able to realize many of them ... And manipulation: he manipulated just about everyone he came in contact with: victims, co-conspirators, employers, lawyers, and that prosecutor who gave him an incredibly favorable plea deal. 
   So what we really see here is a grandiose narcissist with communal qualities. Epstein donated millions of dollars to charity. (7:54) ...

... Now with the Antisocial Personality Disorder, like many psychopaths, his behavior seemed to align with enough of the criteria for the disorder, for example breaking the law, lying, and a lack of remorse, but not enough to represent a classic case, and there is a mystery of conduct disorder, symptoms present before the age of 15 that's required for Antisocial Personality Disorder. I'm not aware of any evidence that he meets that criteria.
   Now, Epstein was arrogant in a way that made it seem like he really enjoyed getting away with crimes while letting other people know that he was getting away with them. He wanted others to know he had true power, that he didn't have to hide from people or to be afraid of people. Now, of course, he did hide certain activities, but in other ways we see he was actually obvious, like keeping explicit photos on the walls of his Palm Beach mansion and bragging about how he had dirt on powerful people, suggesting that he could never be punished.
   Some criminals get away with crimes because they can convince people that they are nice, polite, and not the type of person who would commit a crime. Epstein did this initially: he did pretend to be a good and helpful person, but that wore off quickly. (9:22) That's that superficial charm, that shallow affect ... he was really about dominating people. He wanted to control witnesses and victims, and to a large extent, he successfully did that. He made people around him dependent on his resources like when he would pay to send his victims to school. 
   Some people became conflicted about Epstein. They certainly didn't want to be victimized, but they also wanted what he could provide. He "made" a difficult choice. He offered something of value, in a sense, to keep his victims quiet. Many of his employees were afraid to accuse him because he could make them suffer, so again, he leveraged power over people in many different ways for a long time. 
   The Epstein case highlights the dangers of allowing narcissists to gain power. 
   His crimes were a full expression of his fantasies. This is what happens when a narcissist has no limits.
   What is a narcissist capable of when they have hundreds of millions of dollars? Epstein's case really answers that question. 
   He perpetrated horrible crimes against scores of victims and would have offended more if he was not arrested ... (18:30)

   ... In the case of Epstein, he illustrates one of those circumstances that can lead to a conspiracy that is maintained over a long period of time. One person with enough power who has access to enough people who can be co-conspirators, can perpetrate a large scale criminal enterprise with immunity, again, at least for a period of time. Just like he knew how to target those that were vulnerable, he knew how to effectively recruit and obtain co-conspirators. 
   This is about one powerful person taking control of other people. And yes, many of those other people committed serious crimes perhaps, but they probably wouldn't have done that without Epstein. He really brought it together. He understood how the personalities worked together, how to keep people quiet, how to keep people productive. He really orchestrated this enterprise that could keep him safe. 

Following are some of the victims (whose stories are well worth reading and show how vulnerable girls from broken or impoverished homes can easily become victims of abuse and crime) followed by some other interesting facts around the case. I end with some videos by Todd Grande:

Virginia Roberts Giuffre - from Wikipedia (reported that she was trafficked by Epstein and Maxwell to Prince Andrew of Great Britain, hedge fund manager Glenn Dubin, attorney Alan Dershowitz, politician Bill Richardson, the late MIT scientist Marvin Minsky, lawyer George J. Mitchell, and MC2 modeling agent Jean-Luc Brunel.

Victims Refuse Silence is Virginia Roberts Giuffre's website.

Maria Farmer - from Wikipedia

excerpt from Jeffrey Epstein's Wikipedia page about what happened to Maria:

The affidavit says that in the summer of the following year, they hired her to work on an art project in billionaire businessman Leslie Wexner's Ohio mansion, where she was then sexually assaulted by both Maxwell and Epstein.[63][64] Farmer reported the incident to the New York Police Department and the FBI.[44] Her affidavit also stated that during the same summer, Epstein flew her then 15-year-old sister, Annie, to his New Mexico property where he and Maxwell molested her on a massage table.[65][66]

Farmer was interviewed for CBS This Morning in November 2019 where she detailed the 1996 assault and alleged that Maxwell had repeatedly threatened both her career and her life after the assault.[67]

Sarah Ransome - from the article by CBS This Morning: "Jeffrey Epstein accuser Sarah Ransome says she wants to face his alleged co-conspirators in court". Another article by The Miami Herald.

Jennifer Araoz - from the article by NBC News: "He Raped Me When I Was 15".

Katlyn Doe, Lisa Doe and Priscilla Doe (anonymous victims) - by Brendan Pierson for Reuters. Also this Rolling Stone article covers these three victims: Three More Women Detail Epstein Abuse Allegations in New Lawsuits (Convicted sex offender accused of forcibly using a sex toy on victim, pressuring another into marrying a non-U.S. citizen) ... also this article from NBC News on these three victims: Jeffrey Epstein preyed on women during jail sentence, forced victim to marry woman, lawsuits allege (Three lawsuits allege a complex web of companies employing "disciples" who saw to it that Epstein's sexual desires were met)

Teresa Helm - from article: Oakwood woman sues Jeffrey Epstein’s estate; accuses him of sexual assault from the Dayton Daily News by Wayne Baker

Teala Davies - Photo shows Jeffrey Epstein with alleged teen victim: "She did not yet realize he had a predatory plan for her" from CBS News

Note: not all victims came forward to reveal their identity. Some pressed charges with the name "Jane Doe". The Virgin Islands pressed charges too. And another Jane Doe pressed charges against both Epstein and Trump. These and other Jane Doe lawsuits are on Jeffrey Epstein's Wikipedia page.

Jeffrey Epstein - Wikipedia

Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein: How are They Connected? - by Michael Gold for the New York Times

New Jeffrey Epstein doc should finally lead to a reckoning with Bill Clinton - by Maureen Callahan for The New York Post

Netflix Exposes Bill Clinton’s Creepy Jeffrey Epstein Ties—Including a Trip to ‘Pedophile Island’ - by Marlow Stern for The Daily Beast

Photos Emerge of Bill Clinton Aboard Jeffrey Epstein’s ‘Lolita Express’ - by Adam K. Raymond for The Cut

Here’s the Story Behind That Bizarre Painting of Bill Clinton in a Blue Dress Seen at Jeffrey Epstein’s Home - by Ben Davis of Art.net

Jeffrey Epstein once joked Bill Clinton ‘owes me some favours’ as Ghislaine Maxwell arrest piles pressure on him to talk - by Tom Michael for the U.S. Sun

Unpacking Donald Trump's Ties to Jeffrey Epstein, as Shown in Netflix's Filthy Rich (Here's how the president was connected to the late sex offender) - by Gabrielle Bruney for Esquire Magazine

How Exactly Is Alleged Sex Trafficker Jeffrey Epstein Connected To President Trump? - by Madison Feller for Elle

Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein partied together. Then an oceanfront Palm Beach mansion came between them. - by Beth Reinhard, Rosalind S. Helderman and Marc Fisher for the Washington Post

Prince Andrew IS on Epstein’s secret tapes of rich and powerful, says lawyer for accuser Virginia RobertsPrince Andrew is facing more concerns over the allegations placed against himA lawyer claims the Prince may have been caught on video with Jeffrey EpsteinDavid Boies, who represents Virginia Roberts, is confident the tapes did existThough the lawyer admits the videos may have been destroyed or are hidden - by Daniel Bates for The Daily Mail

Prince Andrew 'offered to help Jeffrey Epstein prosecutors' - BBC News

Prosecutors formally request to talk with Prince Andrew in Epstein investigationPrince Andrew's lawyers responded Monday saying that they offered his help as a witness on at least three occasions this year - by Tom Winter and Yuliya Talmazan for NBC News

videos on the case:

New Accuser Speaks At News Conference Detailing Relationship With Jeffrey Epstein | TIME - Time Magazine (You Tube)

Jeffrey Epstein: New victim alleging she was sexually abused when she was a teenager - The Telegraph (You Tube)

What really happened on Jeffrey Epstein's private island? | 60 Minutes Australia - 60 Minutes Australia (You Tube)

What really happened on Jeffrey Epstein's private planes | 60 Minutes Australia - 60 minutes Australia (You Yube)

How teen runaway Virginia Roberts became one of Jeffrey Epstein's victims - Miami Herald (You Tube)

Years later, Epstein's victims discuss the lasting impact of sexual abuse - Miami Herald (You Tube)

Former Teen Model Describes Jeffrey Epstein’s Sex Abuse | TODAY - Today Show (You Tube)

SHOCKING! The Epstein/JonBenét CONNECTION! - Ghislaine Maxwell Has Some EXPLAINING To Do - World Alternative Media (You Tube) - a speculative video about one connection between the Benets and Ghislaine Maxwell

Note: more updates after the post was written after the videos.

"Jeffrey Epstein Analysis | Was He Murdered? | Mental Health & Personality"

by Dr. Todd Grande:

In the video above, Dr. Grande makes the case for why Jeffrey Epstein probably committed suicide even though there are very "fishy circumstances" such as cameras not being on in his cell or around his cell, the broken bone in his neck being typical of a blow to the neck but not a hanging, the fact that his narcissism would be at work to get him another "sweetheart deal", with charges dropped, the fact that he might rely on "his close powerful friends" in a blackmail deal, or a plea deal, and so on.  

He was used to shifting culpability off of himself. He was used to getting away with breaking the law. He was used to enjoying the privilege of sentences which had "no bite". He does not have the profile of someone who would take his own life so early in the game with no trial, and no convictions, and who had dirt on so many people (adding up to a possible plea deal), except for the prior conviction in Florida many years before. 

However, when narcissists do feel there is no way out, they do take their own lives sometimes. But to me, it does not convince in the least because of the reasons I stated above.   

One of the reasons Dr. Grande makes the case for suicide (and it is the only case), is that the door to the suite of cells, which contained Epstein's cell, had a camera, and it was on all night. Grande does not consider that someone (a guard, another prisoner, someone in disguise) who entered that suite of cells could have been paid off to kill Epstein. Also someone could have been brought into an "empty cell" and to "lie in wait" to kill Epstein. And the plan could have even been set days before Epstein's incarceration there. 

In the world of powerful leaders who rule governments of all types, even overseas, they want to keep their image from taking a hit in the media and with the people they serve so that they don't lose power and credibility, so killing Epstein might be at the top of their list. 

I bet it was for one of them.

Some other videos about "the players" in this scandal follow:

"Ghislaine Maxwell Case Analysis | Mental Health & Personality"

by Dr. Todd Grande:

This last video is by Dr. Todd Grande too. He discusses Prince Andrew's interview with the B.B.C. One of Jeffrey Epstein's victims, Virginia Roberts Giuffre, claims she was trafficked to Prince Andrew three different times. One of the most important counter-arguments to Prince Andrew's interview is this issue (using Dr. Grande's words): 

Epstein was a friend he stayed with many times in many places all over the world, but said he didn't know Epstein well.

Hrrrmmmpphh. 

"Prince Andrew BBC Interview Analysis"

by Dr. Todd Grande:

BACK TO DOCUMENTARY AND MOVIE REVIEWS

EPILOGUE

(new information emerging about the case)

video: Ghislaine Maxwell exchanged emails with Epstein as late as 2015, unsealed court documents show - for CBS This Morning

video: Krystal and Saagar: Epstein Docs UNSEALED, Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, Dershowitz NAMED - for The Hill 

Some of the comments are interesting to read underneath the video:

- "I did not have sexual relations with that island. -Bill Clinton.
Bill, we just asked if you were there. And we asked because we knew you were there."

- "Sorry to burst everyone's bubble, but Clinton and Prince Andrew will never set foot in a court of law, much less a prison cell. Punishment is only for those who can't afford to bribe judges and prosecutors." 

- "Bill Clinton: 'I never had sexual relations with those women'
Also Bill Clinton: I never actually lied because they weren't women at the time."

- "'Virgin Islands' takes on a whole new meaning....."

- "'The United States is a nation of laws, badly written and randomly enforced.'-Frank Zappa."

- "'I wish her well' means 'she's probably about to get suicided for exposing the Elites'" (referring to Trump's comments about wishing Ghislaine Maxwell well after she was arrested)

2021: Epstein’s Final Days: Celebrity Reminiscing and a Running Toilet (Newly released records show the disgraced financier living a mundane existence in jail before his suicide, while also spinning deceptions until the very end.) - by Benjamin Weiser, Matthew Goldstein, Danielle Ivory and Steve Eder for The New York Times

Ghislaine Maxwell Is Found Guilty of Aiding in Epstein’s Sex Abuse - by Benjamin Weiser, Rebecca Davis O’Brien and Colin Moynihan for The New York Times

Ghislaine Maxwell Is Guilty. What Happens Next Is Critical. - by Deborah Tuerkheimer for The New York Times (Ms. Tuerkheimer is a professor of law at Northwestern University and the author of “Credible: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers.”)
excerpt:
     Ms. Maxwell’s conviction demonstrates that prosecutors can, in extreme cases, hold those who enable abusers criminally liable.
     But we should not be blind to the myriad ways of enabling that do not rise to the level of a crime. They are the ordinary acts of ordinary people that, however intentioned, combine to protect abusers — particularly men with status, wealth and privilege...
     ... One reason prosecutions like Ms. Maxwell’s are so unusual and so difficult is that the law forbids only the most extreme enabling behaviors. Although criminal statutes vary, absent a specific legal duty to act, people are generally not held responsible for omissions that cause harm. But when a person’s purposeful assistance is integral to another’s abuse, the outcome may be different, as it was for Ms. Maxwell. Under such narrow circumstances, criminal prosecution can play a part in dismantling a culture that protects abusers.
     By the accusers’ accounts, Ms. Maxwell didn’t just passively enable Mr. Epstein’s abuse; she facilitated it. This depiction was the essence of the government’s case ...

Ghislaine Maxwell was ‘a sophisticated predator,’ a prosecutor says. (As closing arguments started, a prosecutor, Alison Moe, said she would give eight reasons the jurors should find Ms. Maxwell guilty of sex-trafficking and conspiracy charges.) - by Colin Moynihan and Rebecca Davis O’Brien for The New York Times
excerpt:
     Ms. Maxwell identified and selected the victim: girls from troubled households, Ms. Moe said. Then she and Mr. Epstein gained access to the victim, inviting the girls over to their luxurious homes, without their parents or other adults. “They were isolating these girls for a reason,” Ms. Moe said.
     Ms. Maxwell and Mr. Epstein “made these girls feel special,” Ms. Moe said. They offered to pay for one victim’s voice lessons and paid for another’s trip to Thailand. “They were building trust for what was going to come next,” the prosecutor said
     Then, Ms. Moe said, “Maxwell helped Epstein normalize sexual encounters” — through foot massages, sexualized contact, topless lounging by the pool. “It escalated with sexualized massages,” she said.

A video by Dr. Ramani Durvasula on Ghislaine Maxwell's case (Jeffrey Epstein's enabler and co-conspirator) - You Tube video entitled "The fallout from Ghislaine Maxwell: A case study about narcissism"

Epstein’s Black Book REVEALED: Chris Rock, Richard Branson, OTHERS Associated With Criminal - The Hill (2023)

Here’s what we learned – and didn’t learn – from the Jeffrey Epstein unsealed documents - by Samantha Delouya and Lauren del Valle for CNN (2024)

Dozens more Jeffrey Epstein documents are now public. Here’s what we know so far - by David B. Caruso for AP News (2024)

The Epstein List: Full list of names revealed in unsealed court records so far (Prince Andrew, David Copperfield and Bill Clinton are among the names included in court documents) - by  Alex Ross and Io Dodds for Independent, UK (2024)

Virginia Giuffre, Voice in Epstein Sex-Trafficking Scandal, Dies at 41

She accused Jeffrey Epstein and his co-conspirator, Ghislaine Maxwell, of recruiting her to join their predatory ring and sued Prince Andrew for sexual assault. - by Sam Roberts for The New York Times (2025)

What to Know About the Epstein Files, a Perfect Recipe for Conspiracy Theories

Here’s what to know about the disturbing facts and unsubstantiated suspicions that make Jeffrey Epstein, a registered sex offender, a politically potent obsession. - by Devlin Barrett for The New York Times (2025)

With Epstein conspiracy theories, Trump faces a crisis of his own making - by Ali Swenson and Nicholas Riccardi of AP News (2025)

WATCH: Asked if his name appears in Epstein files, Trump claims Comey, Obama and Biden made them up - PBS News Hour (2025) 

Why We Want to See the Epstein Files
All of us can agree that we want wrongs to be righted and evil to be avenged. - by Russell Moore for Christianity Today (2025)

Bondi should release 'credible' Epstein files, Trump says

President dismisses public fascination with case while claiming James Comey, former Presidents Barack Obama and Joe Biden 'made up' some documents - by Ashley Oliver for Fox News (2025)

Speaker Mike Johnson calls for transparency over Epstein documents - CBS News Mornings - You Tube (2025)

Trump’s “Epstein files” problem

Why some of President Donald Trump’s most ardent MAGA supporters are enraged over his administration’s handling of the Jeffrey Epstein case. - Washington Post short (2025)

Trump disavows supporters pushing Jeffrey Epstein 'bulls---': 'I don't want their support anymore!'

In a lengthy Truth Social post, Trump called supporters "weaklings" for pushing the Justice Department to release more files related to Jeffrey Epstein. - by Megan Lebowitz for NBC News  (2025)

Feds Drop Bombshell New Video of Jeffrey Epstein - Law and Crime Network  (Youtube)
note: this video features an interview with Jeffrey Epstein's brother and mainly discusses the suspicions around Jeffery Epstein's, the coroner's report, the unusual way he died. (2025)

DOJ to Ghislaine Maxwell: Epstein Deal Won't Save You - Law and Crime Network  (You Tube) (2025) 

How Trump’s Own Conspiracy Machine Is Now Turning on Him | Explainer - by Heather Cox  Richardson (You Tube) on the Jeffrey Epstein case and why it makes a difference with the MAGA base. note: Heather Cox Richardson is a historian. (2025)

7 Bizarre Details of Epstein Accuser's Shocking Death - Law and Crime Network  (You Tube) (2025)

Trump Attempts to Kill a Conspiracy Theory That Boosted Him | 'Epstein Files' Controversy Analysis - Dr. Todd Grande (psychologist) - You Tube Channel (2025)

We Need to Talk About Jeffrey Epstein - by Adam Schiff (United States Senator for California California) for his own You Tube channel (2025)

A Timeline of What We Know About Trump and Epstein

Donald Trump was friendly for at least 15 years with Jeffrey Epstein, the multimillionaire financier and convicted sex offender who died in prison in 2019.  - by Luke Broadwater for The New York Times (2025)

Why Trump Can’t Shake Jeffrey Epstein - Ezra Klein Show and interview, The New York Times (2025)
excerpt:
     MAGA has a cosmology, a mythology: There is a corrupt elite — in the most extreme forms, it’s a corrupt, pedophilic elite — and that elite controls everything. And Donald Trump as a person, and MAGA as a movement, are justified in doing anything necessary to break that elite’s control and return this country to the people.
     There is a problem that movements like this face when they take power: What happens when the conspiracy isn’t there? What happens when you declassify the files and there’s nothing in them? What happens if you read the files and you realize there is some reason you can’t release them? What happens when you are the system? When you become the corrupt elite?
     Because here’s the thing: Donald Trump is a corrupt elite. He is now, and he always has been, selling out the people who believe in him.
     Liberals always want to make this point in the framework we have of the world. Here’s my version of it: Trump is a champion of people who are heavily dependent on Medicaid and SNAP. He just absolutely betrayed them. He cut about a trillion dollars of Medicaid and food assistance to finance tax cuts for him and his rich friends. He did that while denying he was cutting Medicaid — lying to the people who believed in him.
     In my framework of the world, that is corruption. That is what the worst elites do when they get power.
     But that’s not how the cosmology of MAGA works. His hardest core supporters knew what the problem was, and it wasn’t in the tax code or the safety net. For them, the problem was a conspiracy that reached to the highest levels of American government.
     Then Trump appointed people like Kash Patel and Dan Bongino to office — people who had been spreading and giving attention to these theories for years. By elevating Patel and Bongino, the message was: Trump knew what the problem was, too. And he was going to fix it.
     And then he didn’t. And now he’s lashing out at his own supporters for believing a story that he, and the people around him, were perfectly happy to promote when it served their interests.

She Exposed Epstein, and Shares MAGA’s Anger

The reporter who took down Jeffrey Epstein on what’s still hidden. - Ross Douthut interviewing crime reporter Julie K. Brown for The New York Times (2025)

Why Trump Can’t Make the Epstein Story Go Away

His brainwashing powers are finite. - by Jonathan Chait for The Atlantic  (2025)

Inside the White House’s Epstein Strategy

Aides kept suggesting things to do. Trump kept saying no. - by Ashley Parker and Jonathan Lemire for The Atlantic (2025)

Sorry, This Epstein Stuff Isn’t Going to Hurt Trump - by Matthew Walther for The New York Times

What happens if Trump DOCTORS the Epstein files? - Bryan Taylor Cohen interviews attorney Marc Elias for Bryan Taylor Cohen You Tube Channel (2025)

Inside the Long Friendship Between Trump and Epstein

For nearly 15 years, the two men socialized together in Manhattan and Palm Beach, Fla., before a falling out that preceded Mr. Epstein’s first arrest. - by Alan Feuer and Matthew Goldstein for The New York Times (2025)

After Ghislaine Maxwell Interview, Concerns Mount Over Possibility of Pardon

President Trump, asked whether he would consider pardoning her, said, “I’m allowed to do it, but it’s something I haven’t thought about.” - by Glenn Thrush and Valerie Crowder for The New York Times (2025)

The Conservative Crusade That’s About So Much More Than Epstein

The long history of the right’s obsession with child trafficking means it won’t be easy for Trump to make this story disappear. - by Jia Lynn Yang for The New York Times (2025)

I Covered the Epstein Case for Decades. These Are 9 Questions We Actually Need Answered. - essay piece by  Barry Levine (Mr. Levine is the author of “The Spider: Inside the Criminal Web of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell.” He began reporting on Mr. Epstein in the mid-2000s. The New York Times (2025)

How I Came to Be in the Epstein Files

A conspiracy wrapped in a conspiracy theory wrapped in an enigma - by Alexandra Petri for The New York Times (2025)

How Much Has the Epstein Case Hurt Trump? Polls Provide Some Answers. - by Kristen Soltis Anderson for The New York Times (Opinion Piece, 2025)

Virginia Giuffre’s Family Was Shocked That Trump Described Her as ‘Stolen’

The siblings of one of Jeffrey Epstein’s most prominent accusers wonder what the president knows. - by Sarah Fitzpatrick for The Atlantic (2025)

A Look Inside Jeffrey Epstein’s Manhattan Lair

In his seven-story townhouse, the sex offender hosted the elite, displayed photos with presidents and showcased a first edition of “Lolita,” according to previously unreported photos and letters. - by David Enrich, Matthew Goldstein, Jessica Silver-Greenberg and Steve Eder for The New York Times (2025)

Maxwell Opposes Request to Unseal Epstein Grand Jury Papers

The disgraced financier’s former companion said disclosure would harm her legal rights. “Jeffrey Epstein is dead,” her lawyers wrote. “Ghislaine Maxwell is not.” - by by Benjamin Weiser for The New York Times (2025)

House Oversight Committee Issues Subpoenas for Epstein Files

The committee’s Republican chairman requested that the documents from the Justice Department and former government officials be delivered by Aug. 19. - by Michael Gold for The New York Times (2025)

The Epstein Files and the Hidden World of an Unaccountable Elite

The search continues in the documents for ironclad criminal conduct, but the story of a sexual predator given a free ride by the ruling class has already emerged. - by Robert Draper for The New York Times (2026)

Tracking the Fallout From the Epstein Files

Here’s who has resigned, is being investigated or has faced some other repercussion. - by Karen Yourish and Lazaro Gamio for The New York Times (2026)

How The Times Is Digging Into Millions of Pages of Epstein Files

Two dozen journalists. A pile of pages that would reach the top of the Empire State Building. And an effort to find the next revelation in a sprawling case. - by Interview by Patrick HealyWith Steve EderAndrew ChavezKirsten Danis and Dylan Freedman for The New York Times (2026)

Former Prince Andrew Arrested in Britain Over Epstein Ties

King Charles III said he supported a “full, fair and proper process” regarding the investigation of his brother Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor, adding that he backed the authorities involved. - Megan Specia and Michael D. Shear (reporting from London) for The New York Times (2026)

Jeffrey Epstein Hoped to Seed Human Race With His DNA - by James B. Stewart Matthew Goldstein and Jessica Silver-Greenberg for The New York Times (2026)

New Mexico probes allegation of bodies buried near Epstein ranch - by Andrew Hay for Reuters (2026) 

New Investigation Launched into Epstein’s 7,600-Acre Zorro Ranch. Here’s What We Know - by Rebecca Schneid for Time (2026)

Bodies Buried on Epstein’s Ranch? - Law & Crime Network (grabbed from YouTube)

 

why abusers who punish use the ungrateful phrase

Note: a deeper dive into this subject is THROUGH THIS LINK and discusses how narcissists have trouble with feeling gratitude themselves, and why they develop "never enough" attitudes and symptoms, why they think you are ungrateful yourself, and family traditions that influence "never enough" attitudes and ingratitude. Comes with a lot of links to other articles.
     The article is called The "Never Enoughness" Attitudes Of Narcissists. Why Narcissists Have So Much Trouble Feeling Gratitude, and Why That Influences Peace and is the second in the series having to do with this topic. The first article is below:

The article you are reading now was updated on 11/12/23 and 12/10/23 to include videos.

One of the major signs that you are dealing with either a narcissist or a sociopath is the phrase "You're ungrateful". This is especially likely if they are using it in tandem with abuse. The abuse can be verbal (insults, mocking, degrading, name-calling, raging at you), emotional (silent treatments, "punishing adults", gaslighting, slander, bullying, shaming), physical (pushing and shoving, unwanted touch, breaking property), financial or sexual -- please go here to learn more of what constitutes abuse.

It is one of the most common phrases abusers use to criticize and confuse their victims. They like to use it because, in their minds, it seems to excuse their abuse of you, while, at the same time, gives them an excuse to abuse.

People who have narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder are not only more likely to use the phrase, but they are more likely to use it frequently as well. This phrase accomplishes a number of things for them, which I will get to later.

Narcissists always need outside validation and enmeshment with their victims. If they feel that their victims are pulling away from them, or not sharing information with them, or are even slightly mistrusting of them, or if they feel they are losing power and control over their victims, they have temper tantrums by pulling a silent treatment (usually). As soon as they initiate the silent treatment, the "You're ungrateful phrase" usually comes up. Note the silent treatment is abuse. More here.

Malignant narcissists (those with sociopathic tendencies) are driven to feel more powerful than others around them. They insist on being authorities, and they are known to be patronizing and imperious in their speech. While narcissists are determined to keep a good image despite the destruction they do to others in their lives, sociopaths don't care about being popular so long as they feel they are manipulating people around them to give them something, so malignant narcissists are in between.

In order for narcissists and sociopaths to manipulate effectively, most of them are pathological liars and hypocrites to get what they want. Not all of them are physically abusive, but they are a lot more likely to be physically abusive and to break the law than the run-of-the-mill kinds of narcissists.

The difference between sociopaths and malignant narcissists from run-of-the-mill narcissists is that sociopaths and malignant narcissists are sadists. They enjoy threatening others, upsetting others, getting a rise out of others emotionally, they enjoy "punishing" victims for not doing what they want and they enjoy seeing their victims suffer from the consequences of investing in a relationship with them, and believing in them. Their major characteristic is a complete lack of empathy. They feel that they are admired regardless of how abusive they are. It is when they are "punishing" their victims that the "ungrateful phrase" comes out.

In contrast, normal adults, use the "ungrateful phrase" rarely, and they certainly don't like to see it used, or use it themselves in power struggles and abuse.

The phrase is an attempt by those who have personality disorders to manipulate, to confound, to disorient and to "manage down the relationship" with a victim of abuse. It is a way to make a victim feel indebted to the abuser and to excuse the abuse because of "the debt".

It also usually comes with incredible pressures to adopt toxic positivity (and in this case it would be to deny that you are hurt and that you find something in the situation to be grateful about instead). When you are dealing with toxic, abusive people, it is dangerous to deny what is happening. In the long run, it just doesn't work. In fact, they can, and do become more abusive when you deny your pain, and you become traumatized. 

According to author and professor Preston Ni (from this Psychology Today article):

Another way narcissists manipulate is through guilt, such as proclaiming, “I’ve given you so much, and you’re so ungrateful,” or, “I’m a victim—you must help me or you’re not a good person.” They hijack your emotions, and beguile you to make unreasonable sacrifices.   

At its core it is a diverting tactic; it takes away any discussion and acknowledgement of how a victim feels: hurt, in pain, sacrificed, belittled, insulted, etc. In order for the abuser to not feel that he is at all culpable for causing trauma, or owes his victim anything, he shifts the burden on to his victim instead,  telling the victim "You are ungrateful" as a way to expunge himself from any wrongdoing or culpability. In other words it is a ploy at turning the guilt away from the perpetrator(s) back on to the victim (blame-shifting away culpability is classic narcissistic personality disordered behavior, as well as antisocial personality disordered behavior). It is designed to cause shame -- trying to make the victim appear guilty and at fault, which, unfortunately works on children, even if it does not work on adults. It is also designed to cause confusion too, i.e. victims ruminate on the allegation: "Did I, in any way, cause this abuse to happen? Did I act ungrateful?". Its main purpose and design is to get victims to feel guilty and apologize to people who treat them badly.

As for "managing down the relationship", this means the abuser is trying to groom the victim to accept less and less good behavior, in bits and pieces, until the victim feels "grateful" for any crumbs at all. In these situations, the abuser uses the term "You are ungrateful" a lot. Indeed, it can be highly effective if the victim is a child, or he has more of a propensity to self reflect than to think about the agenda of the abuser.

Abusers of all kinds use the phrase so consistently that they are predictable: first: they abuse; second: the victim confronts the perpetrator about the abuse; third: the abuser justifies his actions and says "You're ungrateful", which is just another way of saying "you brought this upon yourself," another common phrase among abusers.

Most abusers treat their victims so deplorably, so unthinkingly, that go on for weeks, months or years, that many victims have plenty of time to ruminate about the allegations of "being ungrateful". Most will usually come to a point where they realize that their abusers accusations have always been projection.

And believe me, they are projecting.

I'll tell you why they are.

First off, your abuser is showing you that he is the one who is ungrateful about you, and his relationship with you. He is showing you that you don't matter to him, nor does he care about hurting you, not the other way around.

All abusers tell you what they think and feel by telling you what you think and feel. That is how you tell what their motivations are and what they are planning and thinking. If they tell you that you are evil, and planning evil deeds against them, what is really happening is that they are evil and planning evil deeds against you (time to take cover, and get protection). If they tell you that you are poison, they are poison, and mean to poison you and your life.

And, yes, it goes for gratitude too. If they tell you that you are ungrateful, what they are really saying is that they are ungrateful.

This makes them very easy to read in terms of their intentions (if you see their accusations as projections). Since narcissists and sociopaths only care what their own feelings and thoughts are, they cannot know yours, and they rarely ask, and if they do ask, they think you are lying. It is because they lie so profusely. So that leaves them no other choice than to project. This makes them not very intelligent or insightful when it comes to the emotions and motivations of others. Since they are all about what they think and feel, and all about projection and mirrors, they will always think that you think the way they think (though they couldn't be more off, and yes, they are the most un-insightful, predictable people on the planet).

If you have gotten abused to the point of being vilified, rejected (silent treatment), called names, been degraded, been scapegoated, played for a fool with their "strategically withholding affection games" during important events in your life, and they have told you that you deserved it because you didn't show enough gratitude, don't scratch your head and try to figure out what they are saying about you. Look at them instead. They are saying that they are ungrateful. Look no further. They are just looking in the mirror and telling you what they saw in the mirror.

Proof that they are just looking in the mirror is that they don't care what impact they are having on others beyond what it is doing to their reputations. One of the reasons they slander so much is that they don't want others to know that they victimize (so they pretend they are victims instead). That means that they only care about what they are going through. Most abusers cannot understand you beyond seeing you as an extension of them.

And wow, when they are ungrateful, are they ungrateful in spades, and cavalier about it too!

The abuser shows ingratitude to his victim(s) in so many ways. The most obvious way is through their typical idealize, devalue and discard way. They practice this in almost all of their relationships. If the people in their lives can prove to the narcissist or sociopath that they are undying sycophants and loyalists who will never criticize or shame them, or they are flying monkeys (flying monkeys is a term psychologists use for either helping or enabling an abuser to bully a victim) they may be spared, but not always because narcissists and sociopaths have been known to reject and terrorize over minutiae (see my post on erroneous blaming).

Other ways that abusers show ingratitude towards their victims is through silent treatments, vilification, constant blaming/shaming sessions, constant chiding, making you a laughing stock, talking at you like you were a child or a slave, refusing to listen to you, telling you what they feel and think and not being open to what you really feel and think, beating you, trying to destroy your relationships, trying to destroy your reputation, talking down to you (patronizing), rejection, trying to destroy you at the worst times of your life, talking disparagingly about you behind your back, putting you through love triangles, testing you to see if you would make easy prey for future blaming, being unfaithful, being two-faced, being glib, being unfeeling and uncaring, being fake and superficial. If you look closely, the abuser shows his ingratitude about all of his relationships, not just the relationship he has with you. He is a relationship killer and quitter. Abusers don't know their victims, even though they think they do: they only know them as they know themselves: when you aren't acting the way they want, you are prey; when you are acting the way they want, you are a "good girl mirror" or a "good boy mirror". They swing wildly back and forth between looking at you as prey and looking at you as a mirror.

So, when you are "a good little sycophant" you are grateful. When you resist being abused by them you are "ungrateful." It's as simplistic and immature as that.

As I have said in so many blogs, abusers are all about hypocrisy. Why hypocrisy? The abuser expects you to be grateful for his being horrible to you, while he can't show the slightest bit of gratitude unless you will lie on a sword for him, and even then he can get sick of you and reject you anyway.

Abusers are NOT grateful people. They are the princess and the pea with constant temper tantrums.

There is one exception about their feeling grateful.

Bullies will feel grateful if they are given the slightest attention from someone who they think is superior to them: someone overwhelmingly wealthy, or powerful, or more manipulative and psychopathic than they are. They can act just like the ashamed sycophants they expect others to be. They kowtow in the hopes that they, themselves will be able to reach the heights of power that their idols have reached.

In those situations, they will say "I am grateful" instead of insisting that their idols be grateful.

More about that in a post called "Hurting or Punishing Others to Teach Them a Lesson - Does it Work?"

From a blog post entitled "You Can Get PTSD From Staying In An Emotionally Abusive Relationship" by Jennifer Williams-Fields, a victim of marital abuse tells how abuse gradually and unknowingly seeped into her relationship. You'll see that the "ungrateful phrase" happened early on, in response to her complaining that her husband was out too late, that she wasn't willing to make him dinner when he finally came home (at midnight), and like so many victims, she thought about it and decided to try harder, realizing after awhile that trying harder never stops abuse, but seems to empower it.

In Alcoholic families and Narcissistic families, the "ungrateful phrase" is also used as a scapegoat tactic (the scapegoat is typically used by the family to heap all of the blame on to). If you are being told you are ungrateful, remember this: ingratitude is a feeling, and interpretive, not a condemnation of guilt. In other words, no educated and respected judge in a court of law would say: "We interpret your actions and feelings as ingratitude, thus you are sentenced to..." It is a primitive, irrational form of justice, not much different than accusing a member of a tribe for not feeling grateful as a reason for why the crops failed to grow, whereby the tribe makes the determination that the member should be exiled, tortured or sacrificed.

It is very common for people who love to scapegoat and abuse to attribute ugly meanings on a victim's feelings and use feelings (and also glances) to convict. It is desperate fault-finding. In religious abusive families, the phrase spawn of the devil is typically used in conjunction with you're ungrateful. In atheist abusive families, snake or serpent takes the place of spawn of the devil. Either way, spawn of the devil or snake or serpent is the abuser's irrational insult, not a concrete allegation. It is meant to hurt the victim, but has no weight as rational reason to convict and punish. 

"You're ungrateful" or "they are ungrateful" is used so much by abusers, and so little by empaths, that it can be a red flag letting you know that you may very well be talking to someone who is abusive (before you get involved: see my post on how to tell if someone is abusive before you get hurt).

All abusers tell you what you feel and think; they never think to ask. So, the "You're ungrateful" phrase is just part of it. It is a subcategory under erroneous blaming (erroneous blaming is a form of abuse -- see my post on erroneous blaming for more information). Abusers practically wear a sign of ingratitude and entitlement.

"You're ungrateful!" has also been attributed to abusive active alcoholics, since they misread emotions consistently, attributing negative interpretations on someone's intentions, and many of them are caught up in blame-shifting and lying already as a tactic to get people distracted from their drinking problem and illogical thinking (when drunk).

The real message, most of the time is, "You are ungrateful ... for not submitting to abuse!" ... or for the active alcoholic "you're ungrateful ... for not putting up with my drinking!"

All abusers have the ability to give "gifts". Emotional abusers might give money, child sex abusers might give candy or toys, batterers may wine and dine after they abuse their partners as part of a make-up strategy with their victim (see wheel of abuse). They count on "gifts" saddling their victims with feelings of shame and guilt. They feel entitled to forsake and discount their victim's pain, in exchange for justifying abuse. To them a gift justifies abuse.

All of it is designed to get the victim(s) to give into demands and domination.   

I'm sure this diverting tactic was even used on whipped slaves who attempted to escape from their owners: "Here we clothed you, fed you, put a roof over your head, and how do you repay us?! You run away, you ungrateful piece of crap! Now you will repay us!"

Over the years I have met many victims of childhood sexual abuse where the ungrateful phrase was lobbed at them by their abusers. Little girls are often told, with a soothing voice and a comforting caress after administering an act demanded by their adult sex abuser, "good girl" or "good boy". If the victim tries to get out of administering sex or runs away when they see their abuser, then they are often called "bad girl" or "bad boy" and "ungrateful".

"Ungrateful" in this connotation has more to do with the perpetrator's ego: sexual abusers have been known to think that their victims should feel privileged that they were chosen over a myriad of other attractive children and will accuse their victims of being ungrateful if they attempt to run away from the abuse. From all I have gleaned, it seems that most child molesters think that sexual abuse is desired by their victims, and indeed, they think all children want it, whether they are chosen or not. Unfortunately, almost all abusers have huge egos.

If these molesters receive the message that the abuse isn't desired, the perpetrators often try to convince their child victims that they are crazy, that there is something wrong with them for not wanting or enjoying adult sexual acts -- especially with the molester (whose ego is being effected by the acceptances and rejections of his victims).

Once a victim is deemed crazy by their abuser for not wanting to be a willing participant in a sex act, the perpetrators will sometimes try to make their victim a laughing stock, or otherwise humiliate the child in some way. Sometimes gaslighting is used too. If one style of abuse doesn't work, the threats and abuse increase in severity. As the child victim grows up, the abuser can often feel a sense of ownership of his former child victim and will feel enraged and betrayed as the victim gains more autonomy, is seen dating, getting married and having children, and finally, making a final escape from any more abuse. Most child sex abusers think they are special, and feel that children should view them as special too (they tend to be sociopaths and malignant narcissists).

Once an abuser labels a child victim as bad, the victim can endure punishments (abuse and terror) which is worse than performing the expected sex act.

"Punishments" on unwilling children can range from poisoning, administering medications like sleeping pills (while the sex act is performed), isolation, smearing the child's name, withholding school, temporary kidnappings, interfering with the child's friendships or work, high speed dangerous driving used to incite terror, hitting, slapping, shoving and yelling. There are many more, but the point is, that the abuse is escalated once the child resists -- and it is almost always accompanied by a myriad of threats designed to keep the victim silent, and the "ungrateful phrase" is used to keep the child compliant.

The result is that children often learn to feign enjoyment of abuse just to get through the experience and to stop escalations which feeds into the perpetrator's narcissism and makes their disorder worse.

Alternatively, some of the co-victims might join in on the taunting, bullying and name-calling just so they don't have to endure humiliations and can gain status and importance with the molester; perhaps it becomes a matter of survival to join the evil forces than to fight against them.

I have noticed that many childhood sexual abuse survivors who have become adults appear much more docile and malleable than they truly are and people around them are often caught off-guard and by total surprise when former victims assert themselves (there comes a point in many survivor's lives where the risk of buckling under is greater than the risk of assertion -- and that includes victims of abuse who learn to bend to others' wills).

All abusers have an issue with their victims' autonomy, attempts at asserting their human rights and truth-telling, whether that disapproval of their victims is expressed verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually or through threats. In essence, abusers unknowingly demand that their victims lie for them and lie about them (thereby pressuring their victims to become liars).

The result is an abuser who lives in a fantasy world, much like a hated king or queen who believes everyone is (or should be) worshiping him or her and is caught by total surprise when they are much more unpopular than they ever thought possible, and where a revolution threatens to de-throne them.

Perhaps victims live in a fantasy world too, of a different kind, in order to withstand the abuse. I have met survivors who attributed their survival to Mr. Rogers who would tell his child viewers "I like you just the way you are" (of the PBS series), to a picture of an angel on the wall guiding them out of the darkness of abuse, and so on.
  

As for the common bully-abuser or scapegoat-er (i.e. not a sex offender or a slave owner -- just the typical run-of-the-mill one)? I have noticed that if the phrase, "You are ungrateful!" is used in conjunction with, or as an excuse for abuse, more abuse usually follows those words. If you don't apologize to the abuser or recognize "the gifts" of the abuser, the abuse usually escalates and can get dangerous if you are still in their company.

If you end up apologizing to an abuser to keep the peace, the escalation process still happens because most of them take it as a sign that abuse works and that they can get away with treating you horribly. 

Groveling is what they want, and even then, they are known to say "That is not good enough." You will notice that abusers get a little smirk, a little smile when their victims are groveling, or trying to explain themselves, or apologizing even when they don't want to and shouldn't (perhaps they apologize just to stop the terror). That smile, that sadistic little smirk, is telling you that they enjoy abusing you, that they enjoy your pain, that they enjoy trashing you. Don't make the mistake that that will be the end of their getting high from abusing. They have decided they are a judge, and that the work of the victim is to treat the abuser as king, judge, jury and executioner.

Lastly, think about how the "You're ungrateful!" phrase is used. Is it used in close proximity to an incident of bullying, abuse or insensitivity to your plight or your feelings? If it is, then look at it for what it is: the most common tactic to divert the guilt away from themselves or the real people and issues that would make them accountable  -- and lastly, don't get caught in a trap where you are unwittingly apologizing for and excusing abuse.

You can find the ungrateful phrase on just about any forum for victims of abuse. Here are some posts and instances from forums that I found where abusers use the ungrateful phrase after they have been abusive (note: the parentheses are mine to clarify abbreviations):

from this forum link:
The thing is, I've tried so many times to tell them that they've hurt me and I got insulted and told I'm ungrateful etc ... I know she's playing the victim card with my extended family because of all their passive aggressive facebook posts about how some children are so ungrateful and moms love their daughters more than anybody can love someone and sometimes parents come off as the bad guy but they're only doing it out of love for you. OH! Really?! When my mom told me I was spawn of the devil and never should have been born because life would be so much better without me... that was out of love huh?" ~ Astrid (forum ID)
from this forum link:
Somehow certain PDs (personality disordered people) take the most responsible of their children and turn them into ungrateful, bratty villains while the GCs (Golden Children) get away with murder (and are celebrated for their wit and charm). It's crazy-making. ~HealingMeFL (forum ID)

Another topic I'll cover is the phrase "You brought this on yourself!" This is another favorite phrase of the abuser.

"Don't Be Grateful to Your Abuser"
by Professor Sam Vaknin (for the "Nothingness: Antidote to Narcissism" channel)
note: Same Vaknin is a psychologist and a self proclaimed narcissist. Is it worth hearing
  his perspective on not "being grateful" to abusive people,  and what goes through the narcissist's
mind in terms of whether people are grateful or not?
Perhaps it is, because it differs from the way the rest of us think:

"The Truth About GRATITUDE In Narcissistic Relationships"
- by Dr. Ramani Durvasula: